husband works 8-10 hoursa day, and when he comeshome I make sure he
has all the comforts and peaceof mind available plus hot food and a
cheerful atmosphere.
He earns roughly$3500-$4000 per month mashAllah, and we have a
comfortable house we are renting, and maintaining our own cars. From
his salary, he gives me $600 to run the household expenses which
includes all the energy bills, utilities, groceries and childrens
school dinners/sandwiches.
By the end of the month, every single penny has been used up for milk
and bread etc. I never get a single cent to spend on myself. My
parents give me $100 every month, and that too is spent on the bills
and groceries. I never ever have money to buy myself anything. Even to
buy things for the children I have to ask him over and over again to
either give me money or take us shopping on his days off, for even
basic things like school uniforms.
I have been shivering in the cold and do not have decent coat. he does
not give it any importance. I do not even have the stamina left to
tell him things I need. I buy the most economical clothes and shoes
for the children.More often it is my parentswho are buying things for
me and my children like clothes on Eid and children's seasonal
clothes.
He says we are saving up to buy a house, which I totally agree with as
we are renting at the moment. But when it comes to him spending, there
are no limits. He will book foreign trips for us, hold lavish dinners
for friends, spend whole heartedly on anything he wants to buy for the
house. But in my case, I have been constantly reminding him we need
curtains for the house, even cheap flimsy ones would do but the sun is
very disturbing sometimes, and there is no privacy even though our
house is in quite an isolated place.
I started working to fulfill my own desires, such as buying books for
my children which they love reading, sometimes my niece too who I love
dearly. My sister is not well to do, and I like to treat her to nice
things sometimes.
But unfortunately, when I started working, even though part time, my
whole household system got disturbed. Every evening I was totally
tired by the time I got home, lacking energy to give my family any
quality time at all, as I was always burdened with responsibilities ie
cooking, washing up, laundry, ironing, preparing for nextday.
Sometimes I had to stay back a bit longer due to work committments (I
am a teacher), late parents, or talking to parents, or after school
meetings and plannings , which angered my husband. He thought I
wastaking my job too seriously, whereas I was brought up in an
environment where we were taught to do everything we did with full
committment and sincerity.
As a wife, do I deserve some pocket money for myself from my husband,
knowing full well he can afford it. He hates spending money on me.
In15 years of marriage he has never bought me any presents, clothes or
Eid clothes.
My parents, God bless them end up taking care of everything. I have
told them very clearly that they should not do it anymore. He needs to
realize. But he does not give such things any importance. If I want to
buy a coat, he will say to me, Summer is approaching, you are only
wasting money. I am a hypothyroid patient, and cannot tolerate cold,
so I go out with 3-4 layers of clothes and the a skimpy jacket which I
ordered online because I seemed so odd in the cold wind standing there
in the childrens school without a coat.
I know he loves me in many other ways, he is very very dependant on me
emotionally, wants meto be around all the time, and worries if I get
angry, or cry. I just dont know how to deal with this. Our intimate
relations are perfect, we have a fabulous life Alhamdolillah, just
that I dont know if I should be getting more money from him
I have even told him the other day that I dont wantus to buy a house.
We will live in rented accomodation for as long as we have to.
His family is quite caring, and used to look after me well when they
took me as a daughter in law. My husband seperated me from them as he
wanted complete control over me and brought me to the states.
Sometimes I think he is punishing me. His parents, just like mine are
comfortably well off, but we do not recieve any help from them, which
to be honest we don't need as Alhamdolillah my husband is earning well
enough. But where do I stand?
PS: I have sat down with him on numerous occassions to explain how
much I spend and how much I need.
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