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A young man who has memorised the Qur’aan (Haafiz al-Qur’aan) and is of good character has proposed to my sister, and there is tentative acceptance. But my sister has not seen him except fleetingly and I want her to see him in the manner prescribed in sharee‘ah before the engagement goes ahead, to ensure that they are compatible and feel comfortable about one another, but my father refuses to allow this seeing as prescribed in sharee‘ah and he wants the engagement to go ahead immediately. Is it permissible for my sister to see this young man as prescribed in sharee‘ah in my presence, but outside the home and without my father knowing about it? If it is permissible, what are the conditions?.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is prescribed for the suitor to see his potential fiancé and to be allowed to do that; it is also prescribed for her to be allowed to see him, so that if there is agreement to go ahead with the marriage it is done on the basis of clarity and insight.
Abu Dawood (2082) narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abdillah said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “When one of you wants to propose marriage to a woman, if he can see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, let him do so.” I proposed marriage to a girl and I used to hide and watch her until I saw that which prompted me to go ahead and marry her, and I married her.
Classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood
He may see that of her that which will prompt him to go ahead and marry her, such as that which ordinarily appears such as the face, hands, neck and feet.
It says inar-Rawd al-Murbi‘ (p. 332):
It is permissible for the one who wants to propose to a woman and thinks it most likely that she will accept, to look at what ordinarily appears, such as the face, necks, hands and feet. End quote.
The Scholars of the Standing Committee said:
It is permissible for the one who wants to marry a woman to look, when proposing to her, at her face without any feelings of pleasure or desire, and without being alone with her, according to scholarly consensus. That is prescribed because of necessity and because it is more likely to make their marriage stable. And that is sufficient because the face is the focal point of beauty and by means of this the need is met. And some scholars regarded it as permissible to look at the hands too, and whatever ordinarily appears of the woman that may encourage him to go ahead and marry her. And it is permissible for the suitor to watch her when she is walking in the street so that he may see that which may encourage him to go ahead and marry her.
End quote fromFataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah, 18/75
See also the answer to question no. 2572
Secondly:
If the matter is as you describe, there is nothing wrong with you enabling your sister to see this suitor and enabling him to see her, even if that is outside the home, on condition that you or a mahram of hers is present during the meeting. What matters is that he should not be alone with her and there should be no cause of fitnah, as the scholars have explained previously.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
He may look at the face, head, hands and feet, on condition that he is not alone with her; rather one of her mahrams should be present. It is also essential that there be no risk of fitnah. He should look only as much as is necessary, but if he is not able to see her the first time, there is nothing wrong with him looking at her another time, but that is subject to the condition we have mentioned, which is that he should not be alone with her, because being alone with a woman is haraam. Similarly, she should not beautify or adorn her face when he looks at her, because that will have the opposite effect. If he looks at her when she has beautified herself he will think that she is more beautiful than she really is, then when he enters upon her (after marriage) and sees her as she really is, he may be put off and turn away from her.
End quote fromFataawa Su’aal min Haaj(p. 39)
But you have to make sure your father does not find out about that, so that he will not get angry or refuse to let her marry him, when the marriage is agreed upon.
If it is possible to make him agree and convince him of that, then that is better and is preferable.
We should also point out that if the passing glance you mentioned was sufficient for your sister and was also sufficient for the suitor to form an opinion and lead to an agreement, then this is what is required and there is no need to look directly.
And Allah knows best.
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One of my colleagues at work suggested his sister to me for marriage. He knows the qualities that I am looking for with regard to religious commitment and character, and he told me that she is not highly religiously committed, but she is very obedient and polite and she wants to become more religiously committed. I went to see her and during the discussion I found out that she wants to become more committed and she loves the faith, and I felt comfortable with her. But she was previously engaged. Can I ask her about the details of the previous engagement and can I ask her about her life before she graduated from university and whether she used to mix with young men?
If I lower my expectations on the level of religious commitment that I am looking for in return for a calm personality and good manners, will that be regarded as going against the words of the Messenger, “Choose the one who is religiously committed”? Please note that we share the desire to build a family on the basis of faith and what is pleasing to Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
You have no need to ask this girl about the details of her previous engagement or the details of her life before she graduated from university. In fact you have no right to do that at all. This is the right of Allah and it is between her and Him. You have no rights over her at this time such that you could ask her about that or demand it of her. Rather you have the right to know only what is apparent from her at present; if she appears to be good and righteous, then go ahead and propose to her. But do not ever ask her or try to find out about her. And if she does not appear to be good, then forget about her and do not ask her or try to find out about her.
There is no one among us who does not have anything in his past, or even in his present, that he hopes Allah will forgive him for and conceal it in this world and in the Hereafter.
Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Allaah is Forbearing, Compassionate towards the believers, and He loves concealment. Narrated by Abu Dawood, 5192. al-Albaani classed its isnaad as hasan mawqoof inSaheeh wa Da‘eef Sunan Abi Dawood
Rather what you should do this the exact opposite of that. What you should do, if you come across a fault, is to conceal it as much as you can, and not to look for faults when everything appears to be sound, unless you are certain that there is some fauly.
Muslim (2590) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Allaah does not conceal a person in this world but Allaah will conceal him on the Day of Resurrection.”
Secondly:
If you like this girl’s appearance and you sense that she is obedient and good-mannered and she wants to become religiously committed, and you want to marry her, then there is nothing wrong with you proposing to her and that is not contrary to the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): “Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” If a woman, in addition to being well mannered and having a good attitude, also has a sincere desire to adhere to the rulings and teachings of Islam, then she is of good character and religiously committed. Those who are of good character and religiously committed vary and the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did not describe a specific level of that. Rather he said “Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)” after saying “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment.”
The hadeeth was narrated by al-Bukhaari (5090) and Muslim (1466) to encourage suitors to look for women who are religiously committed rather than others.
If the girl is as you have described, then we hope that your marrying her will be good for both of you and that Allah will help you both in that.
You could also seek the help of her brother and your relationship with him to make up what she may be lacking of knowledge and good deeds during the engagement period.
And Allah knows best.
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