Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Should she seek separation from her husband because he does the secret habit?

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M NajimudeeN - INDIA
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Is it permissible for a woman to seek divorce if her husband does the secret habit, for fear of falling into haraam, because he does not give her her shar‘i rights in terms of sex?.
Praise be to Allaah.
There is no doubt that the husband’s having intercourse with his wife and giving her her rights to sexual fulfilment and satisfying her desires, according to what he is able to do and what is appropriate in his circumstances, is one of the greatest rights that the wife has over her husband, and it is one of the most important implications of living with them honourably. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And live with them honourably”
[an-Nisa’ 4:19].
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
It is obligatory for the man to have intercourse with his wife on a reasonable basis, and this is one of the most important rights that she has over him; it is more important than feeding her. With regard to what is obligatory in terms of intercourse, it was said that what is required is once every four months, or it was said that it is according to her need and his ability, just as he should feed her according to her need and what he can afford. This is the more correct of the two scholarly opinions.
End quote fromMajmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 32/271
Based on that, this serious problem should be solved. What this husband is doing, in addition to its being disobedience towards Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, in and of itself, even if it did not result in affecting the wife’s rights, and even if he was not married in the first place, one of the most serious effects of what the wife has mentioned here is that it leads to neglect of the wife’s right to kind and honourable treatment, and it is satisfying his desire outside of the vessel prescribed in sharee‘ah, and neglecting the vessel prescribed in sharee‘ah and leaving its needs unmet. This is one of the gravest kinds of neglect and foolishness, and it is a deviation from the aims of sharee‘ah.
But first of all you should start by advising your husband and trying to come to some understanding with him concerning that; explain to him that this is haraam according to the religion of Allah, and that it is haraam to neglect the rights of the wife or to be heedless concerning them.
If advice turns out to be to no avail, and this act of his results in what you have mentioned of depriving you of your shar‘i rights and exposing you to temptation, then you have the right to ask for khul‘ or divorce (talaaq) from him.
Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said:
If the wife is adversely affected by the husband’s failing to have intercourse with her, this permits annulment of the marriage in all cases, whether the husband did that deliberately or not, or whether he was able to have intercourse or not. This is like the ruling on maintenance (if the husband fails to spend on his wife’s maintenance), and is even more important.

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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Can zihaar occur before consummation of the marriage? What is the ruling on one who divorced his wife by zihaar if he has intercourse with his wife before offering expiation?

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I am a man who has been married for about two months. One week before my wedding, one of my female relatives tried to hurt me by saying something about me to my wife to cause trouble for me. I heard about this from one of my sisters and I said: “My wife is as haraam to me as my mother; I shall not consummate the marriage with her until after I harm her as she tried to harm me.” My sister tried to calm me down and my brother came to me and spoke to me. Then I calmed down and forgot about the matter until a while ago, when my wife and I were speaking about zihaar. Please note that I swore the oath when I was married, but I had not yet consummated the marriage. Now I am uncertain about my situation. I asked a shaykh from Yemen and he gave me an answer based on the Ithna ‘Ashari madhhab! He told me that it is regarded as an oath and expiation must be offered for it, but I am not sure about the fatwa of the Ithna ‘Ashari madhhab.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
If a man states that his wife is as haraam to him as his mother is or another mahram woman who is permanently forbidden to him, then he has uttered a great evil and spoken falsehood, and he comes under the rulings that result from zihaar. His wife remains haraam to him until he has fasted for two consecutive months; if he is not able to do that because of a legitimate shar‘i reason, then he must feed sixty poor persons.
For zihaar to take place, it is not stipulated that he should have consummated the marriage with his wife; it is sufficient for him merely to have done the marriage contract with her for these rulings to come into effect.
Secondly:
What appears to us to be the case is that what you said comes under the heading of conditional zihaar. Because you decided not to cause harm to that woman, then you come under the rulings on zihaar. So you have to repent from saying that and your wife remains haraam to you until you have offered the expiation for zihaar.
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
There was an argument between my father and my oldest brother, and my oldest brother said something, which was: “My wife is as haraam to me as my mother.” That was in a moment of anger. My brother has done the marriage contract with this wife of his but he has not consummated the marriage with her and there has not been any wedding party until now. I hope that you can advise me.
They replied:
If what is mentioned about your brother declaring his wife to be haraam to himself is correct, and that happened after he did the marriage contract with his wife, then he has committed a major sin and he has to offer expiation for zihaar before he can touch his wife, whether he said that before consummating the marriage with her or after. Expiation for zihaar is freeing a believing slave. If that is not possible, then he must fast for two consecutive months. If he is not able to do that, then he should feed sixty poor persons, giving thirty saa‘s of wheat, half a saa‘ for each poor person.
Shaykh Ibraaheem ibn Muhammad Aal ash-Shaykh; Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi; Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Ghadyaan; Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Munayyi‘
End quote fromFataawa al-Lajnah ad-Da’imah, 20/277
If you had consummated the marriage with your wife – as appears to be the case – then you have to stop being intimate with her immediately; it is not permissible for you to continue being intimate with her before you have offered expiation for zihaar.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said:
With regard to what you have done of intercourse before offering expiation as a result of ignorance before starting to fast, you do not owe any penalty for that because you had the excuse of ignorance. But now you must avoid having intercourse until you have completed the fasting.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal ash-Shaykh, Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Ghadyaan. Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd
End quote fromFataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah, 20/322
Thirdly:
It is not permissible for a Muslim to follow the Shi‘i (Ithna ‘Ashari) madhhab with regard to basic issues or minor matters, or to be happy if they are in agreement with Ahl as-Sunnah (concerning some issue), just as it does not matter if they differ from us. It is not permissible for you to consult one who will advise you in accordance with their madhhab or give you a fatwa based on their opinions.
And Allah knows best.

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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Woman asking her husband to wear women’s clothes for the purpose of sexual provocation!

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I am a Muslim girl, praise be to Allah, and I am Turkish. I have been married for 16 years, but I am facing a problem in my marriage which is that I do not like to have sex with my husband and I am reluctant to have intercourse with him. We have intercourse every two months, and we have four children. This problem is because I do not like intimacy with men; I love women and I love women’s bodies. But despite that I do not want to get divorced from my husband because he loves me very much and we have four children. But this matter is beyond my control. In order to overcome this problem my husband started to wear women’s clothing for me before going to bed, and in fact this approach has been successful and I found myself attracted to him and we have started engaging in sexual intimacy more than once a week. But my husband does not wear these clothes outside the house; rather he only wears it at home. Praise be to Allah, we are now happy and we are living a normal life and enjoying life. But we do not know what is the ruling on my husband wearing women’s clothes; is it halaal or haraam? Please advise me, may Allah reward you.
Praise be to Allah.
Before we discuss the Islamic ruling on what your husband is doing, it is essential to advise you to get treatment, because what you have mentioned about liking other women and being provoked by them is a psychological illness. You should not hesitate to seek treatment for it and there is nothing better than treating it by increasing your faith and fear of Allah, and striving to overcome your nafs, whilst constantly seeking refuge with Allah from the Shaytaan and his tricks, traps, plots and whispers. There is nothing wrong with going to a female psychologist who is trustworthy in terms of her religious commitment and knowledge, to help you find a remedy for your illness.
With regard to what your husband is doing, it is undoubtedly haraam because it is imitating women. This is like the one who says: Treat me with that which was the cause of the disease.
It is narrated in saheeh reports that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursed men who imitate women, which includes imitating them in their dress.
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursed men who imitate women and women who imitate men.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5435
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursed men who wear women’s clothing and women who wear men’s clothing.
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4098; classed as saheeh by an-Nawawi inal-Majmoo‘, 4/469, and by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood
This sin is not excused by the fact that this is done in privacy away from where people can see it, because just by wearing women’s clothing he is incurring sin, even if he does that when he is alone.
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:
What does the shaykh say about one who wears women’s clothing in private?
They replied:
It is narrated in a saheeh report that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “May Allah curse women who imitate men and men who imitate women.” According to another version, “May Allah curse effeminate men and masculinised women.”
A man’s wearing women’s clothing is included in this prohibition. So this action is forbidden even if it is done in privacy, because of the general meaning of the text that prohibits it.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal ash-Shaykh, Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd
Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah, 24/94, 95
What you have to do is hasten to seek treatment for the sickness that you are suffering. What you are asking of your husband is contrary to Islam and sound human nature, and it is not permissible for him to respond to your request. He has to stop wearing women’s clothing.
And Allah knows best.

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