a daughter. He told me that it would remain a secret to his wife and
father, until they found out from people and not from him, and I
agreed to that. From the day we married, he has not slept at my house
except for one week, on the basis that he was travelling. After that
he has not slept in my house and I have been living on my own, and he
comes every day. I got pregnant from him and gave birth to a daughter,
who is now two years old. Until today he has not registered her in his
name, for fear that his wife will find out. I have been patient all
this time and have said it doesn't matter, because frankly my husband
is a man like no other and he loves me, but after 3 1/2 years his wife
and his father found out, and she asked him to divorce me, but he
refused to divorce me or to divorce her. But until now he is not
treating us fairly, and he has never stayed the night with me and my
daughter, and he has not registered his daughter in his name, and I do
not know why. Even on Fridays it was hard for him to come and visit
us; even when my daughter was sick at night, I could not tell him and
I was always the one who took her to the hospital. I do not know what
I should do. By Allaah, I always ask Allaah to give me patience
because I have suffered all these years and I do not know for how
long. Please note that my husband fears Allaah and does not miss a
prayer, and he always does good. Every time I argue with him he tells
me: "Everything in its own good time; you have been very patient,
can't you be patient for longer?"
I hope that you can help me because in fact I am not able to put up
with this injustice any more.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
When a husband conceals his second marriage, in most cases that leads
to some kind of injustice for his new wife, as he will be confused and
uncertain and will be afraid that he may do something that would lead
to his first wife finding out that he has taken a second wife. This
may lead him into a series of mistakes.
As you agreed to that at first, then you have to put up with what
happens to you in some ways and you have to try to set things straight
in other ways.
If your husband had an excuse -- in your view -- before his marriage
to you was discovered, then he has no excuse now. What he has to do is
to teach you and his first wife fairly with regard to spending the
night. However many nights he spends there, he has to spend the same
number of nights with you, and you have the right to demand this right
which Allaah has obliged him to give and that Allaah has given to you.
If he persists in refusing, then you have the choice: either you can
accept your life with him and put up with it until Allaah grants you
relief -- which is what we recommend -- or you can choose to leave
him.
As the matter has been discovered, we advise you to appoint as an
intermediary someone who has knowledge and is of good character, who
can intervene between you to resolve your problem with him and make
him do that which Allaah has obliged him to do of treating you and his
first wife fairly, and registering your daughter officially. This is
something that is essential. How can he accept for his daughter to
remain like that, with no recorded lineage and with her rights exposed
to loss?
Now the matter is up to you. Advise him and remind him of Allaah, and
if he does not respond, then appoint as intermediaries wise people
from among your family, or from among your family and his, to advise
him and make him adhere to that which Allaah has enjoined upon him of
treating his wives fairly and registering his daughter in the official
records.
Ask Allaah to help and guide you and him. We ask Allaah to bring you
together on the basis of good and to make it easy for you to do that
which pleases Him.
And Allaah knows best.
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