I have quite a long-explanation question to ask you, but in brief: I
am a European woman married to a Palestinian man as a second wife. We
married more than one year ago but we knew each other for two years
already and my husband used to be in a situation of adultery before we
sealed our destinies before Allah. I precise that I converted to Islam
)I was a Catholic( the day I married. My husband didn't tell his first
wife about our wedding because he told me he asked imams and got the
information he could marry a second wife without his first one
knowing. But after one year of wedding, he decided to tell her. And
yet, after having been trying to accept the idea for her husband's
sake and Allah's sake, she definitely refused this union, asking her
husband to divorce me, what we don't want to deep inside us. They
already have four children together and my husband is 18 years older
than me. We are not living in the same country yet and we never lived
together until now, excepted for the summer period which came after
our wedding. I don't want to divorce and I am ready to accept my
husband's first wife's conditions but it seems she is not enough
spiritual to understand Islam as a comprehensive religion. And my
husband and his first wife's families wouldn't be keen accepting
polygamy. I feel disappointed by Arabs who should be at the vanguard
of Islamic doctrina and way of life. What do you suggest me to do?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that
Muhammadis His Slave and Messenger.
What those Imaams told your husband is correct: a man can marry a
second wife without informing his first wife, but it is her right over
him that he be just between her and his other wife. This is the
condition that Allaah has stipulated upon anyone who wants to take a
second wife; Allaah says )what means(: }...then marry those that please
you of ]other[ women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you
will not be just, then ]marry only[ one ...{ ]Quran 4:3[
Hence, we cannot set a condition that Allaah has not set.
It is impermissible for a woman to ask her husband to divorce his
other wife, as we have already clarified in Fataawa86514and86783.
The husband should not accept her demands and divorce his wife just
because his first wife requested this and is putting pressure on him
to do so. We advise him to be wise and solve the problem in a calm and
correct manner. At the same time, he should seek the help of Allaah
and ask for success and guidance.
Using indirectness is one of means of doing so. For example, he may
speak with expressions by which his wife understands that his other
wife is no longer his wife while he intends another meaning. Speaking
with indirectness is better than openly lying. For more benefit about
indirect speech )Tawriyah(, please refer to Fatwa96115. The fact that
he is not living with you now may help him handle this situation in
light of what we have mentioned.
For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa91150and86783.
Finally, we warn Muslims to beware of blaming Islam for the bad
behavior of some Arabs or Muslims, as some Arabs do not believe in
Allaah and they are in fact hostile to Islam and the Muslims. An
example of this isAbu Lahabwho was the uncle of the Prophet. He
disbelieved in Allaah and was hostile and caused harm to the Prophet.
Indeed, a Soorah of the Quran was revealed about him and his wife as
they both used to harm the Prophet. Moreover, some Muslims may be
hypocrites, and this type of people existed at the time of the
Prophetand the Quran exposed them, and a Soorah was named after them
]Al-Munaafiqoon )the Hypocrites([.
To sum up, Islam remains with its glory, beauty, principles and
rulings which achieve happiness in the world and the Hereafter.
Allaah Knows best.
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