Fathwa, - Wife seeks separation from husband

Share ::-

Question
I thank Allah who has created Fatwa center for us Muslims. I have a big problem in my life. I have my own opinion about this matter but I consider you to be knowledgeable enough to give proper advice.
I converted a few years ago and am very glad I am a Muslim. Islam has changed me to a much better and wiser person. This is the most incredible thing that has happened in my life.
I love Allah more than anything else, there are very few words for expressing what I feel towards Allah.
In 1992 I married a young Palestinian doctor. I accepted him as my husband because he was very religious. We lived a happy family life till 1998. In Palestine my husband committed a terrible sin.
The man I had given my heart to and who I loved changed and took the Haram path. The man who was supposed to provide a peaceful family life has ignored even providing food, clothes, medication to his wife and his girls. More over he didn't even give us respect! My children were a witness to all this.
My girls and I were treated very rudely and it didn't end there. We had to even witness his act of "adultery!"
I tried my best to control the conflict in a peaceful way. He and the Palestinian authorities lied to us continuously. In august 1999 after a long discussion my husband, through his lies- which I believed-convinced me that I needed to go back to my country to get a peace of mind there.
According to his behavior I got the impression that he was very sorry, if he really did or not Allah knows best. I forgave him, thought we made up and left for my country. My daughters )7, 6, and 4 years of age( were left behind without their will or my consent on the matter.
I tried to return to Palestine but the Israeli border police stamped on my passport "entry denied".
I don't know what has happened to my girls, and my husband has not written to me for a year now and his behaviour gives me the impression that he is not interested in my life any more. I regret his changed this way and am sorry for him.
I have decided to ask for a separation )khul( I want to know if I have the right to take custody of my three children and if I can ask for separation after 1 year and 7 months of absence of my husband!
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
The conjugal life is built on cordiality, friendliness, blessing, living together happily and mutual confidence. So, each one of the spouses should do his/her duties towards his/her partner. If these conditions can not be met, and if the conjugal life becomes unbearable and impossible to mend, Islam allows a last cure for either spouse who feels humiliated to be rid of this relation through divorce. So, if this relation can not be continued and if it does not fulfill its initial objectives, it should be ended in the way prescribed by the Sharia.
A wife who feels a weakness or an unability to fulfill her husband’s rights and if she fears that she might commit some sin or cause some harm to her husband – who has bad behaviour, who does not abide by his religious duties or who does not fulfill his wife’s duties – Sharia, in this case, gives her the right to redeem herself from him with something that pleases him and frees her. Allah Says )interpretation of meaning(: }Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the limits ordained by Allâh, then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back )the Mahr or a part of it( for her Al-Khul' )divorce(. ]2:229[
So, we think that the situation you described is a sound reason for you to ask for Khula. For more details about Khul’a refer to Fatwa 89039.
Some scholars even believe that if the husband is causing much harm to his wife and if this harm can not be removed except by divorce, in this case, the husband should divorce her and he does not deserve to be given anything against this divorce. Allah Says )interpretation of meaning(: }O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse.{]4:19[. Allah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M