Women site, - Criteria for Choosing a Spouse

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Religion
Among the many criteria in selecting a life partner, the foremost is religion. Islam has established the importance of choosing a religious wife for it is faith which protects a woman from committing anything that is prohibited. A religious woman always keeps away from whatever enrages Allaah The Almighty or dishonors her husband. On the other hand, a corrupt woman, particularly one who takes extreme pride in her beauty and wealth, does not adhere to the teachings of Islam and is certainly prone to the devil’s insinuations, who may trick her into not adequately safeguarding her chastity or honor. Hence, Islam urges men to prefer the religious woman and be meticulous in their search for her in every Muslim household.
The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, pointed out the decisive factors on which basis people choose a wife and guided us to what the best is in that regard, when he said:“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her noble ancestry, her beauty and her religion. So win the religious woman; )otherwise( you will be a loser.”]Al-Bukhaari[ This stresses that if we overlook the religious aspect and pursue only attractiveness, riches or noble lineage, we would lose out, indicating we did not aim high enough.
The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, even commanded us, saying:“Do not marry women for their good looks, as their beauty might destroy them; and do not marry them for their wealth as their riches might lead them to be overbearing. Marry them for their religion; and a black and unattractive maid who is religious, is better ]than them both[.”]Ibn Maajah[ Islam has not set a criterion that decides a beauty queen, for even all men have not collectively agreed on the beauty of a single woman. It has, however, stated that beauty in a wife is indeed in the eye of her beholder husband. Hence, one must not merely focus on a woman’s looks, affluence or family, at the expense of religion; indeed, as someone once said, beauty with an evil soul is like a lantern on a Magi’s grave.
However, if a pious woman also possesses good looks, wealth or a noble lineage, then that is the most preferable, but even in that, religion must be the decisive factor.
Our righteous predecessors were keen on selecting religious wives, regardless of their looks and social or financial status. The Commander of the Believers, ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allaah be pleased with him, was once so impressed by the pious daughter of a woman who was a milk vendor, that he recommended his son ‘Aasim, may Allaah be pleased with him, to marry her. According to reliable historians, ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, mentioned that had he wanted to marry someone himself, it would have been her, as Imaam Ibn Al-Jawzi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, narrates:“Ibn Zayd narrated on the authority of the grandfather of Aslam that he said, ‘Once I went with ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, while he was on one of his night walks in Madeenah. He felt tired, so he leaned against a wall and heard a woman telling her daughter to mix the milk with water before selling it. The daughter told her that ‘Umar, the Commander of the believers, forbade that, but the mother insisted, saying that she was in a place where ‘Umar and his deputy could not see her. However, the girl said, ‘]I swear[ by Allaah, I will not obey him publicly and disobey him secretly.’ The Commander of the Believers, meanwhile, was hearing all this; he then looked at me and instructed: ‘O Aslam, mark this door.’’ He continued on in his walk and in the morning, he called me, and said, “O Aslam! Go to the house that you marked and find out who the speakers were and see if there is a man ]in the house[.” I went there and discovered that they were an unmarried girl and her mother, and that they lived together without anyone else. I returned and told ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him. He called his sons and said to them, “Does any of you need a wife? Had your father been capable of getting married, he would have hastened to marry this woman. I wish that one of you would marry her.’ So, ‘Aasim said, “O father! As you know, I have no wife, so ]I believe[ I am more entitled to marry her.” ‘Umar sent someone to propose to the milk seller’s daughter on behalf of his son and the two soon married. The young woman gave birth to a daughter who later married ‘Abdul-‘Azeez ibn Marawaan; and this girl gave birth to the fifth Rightly-Guided Caliph, ‘Umar ibn ‘Abdul-‘Azeez, may Allaah have mercy upon him.”
Hence, the fruit of this noble marriage was the birth of a Caliph, who was unprecedented in his justice and asceticism, and in popularity among his subjects.
As for the particular characteristics of a righteous marriage prospect, the best of mankind, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, in a Hadeeth on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him:“Would you like me to tell you about the best treasure a man could have? ]She is[ a righteous woman, who pleases him when he looks at her, preserves his honor when he is away from her and acts in accordance with what he asks of her.”In another Hadeeth on the authority of Abu Umaamah, may Allaah be pleased with him, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The best that benefits a believer, after ]possessing[ the fear of Allaah The Almighty, is a pious wife who minds what he bids her, pleases him when he looks at her, helps him fulfill his oath and protects her chastity and his property in his absence.”]Ibn Maajah[
Such a righteous, religious woman certainly exists. If the father head of the household is pious himself, his daughters will be chaste and religious, too.
Morals
The second criterion in selecting a wife, which is closely tied to the first, is that she must possess good morals. Indeed, a truly religious woman would have a good character, as her faith would prevent her from evil in speech, whether through hurtful words or gossip, and actions. Having good morals is a basic characteristic when in looking for a wife, as the wise man Luqmaan rightly advised his son:“O son! Seek refuge with Allaah The Almighty from an immoral woman, as she would age you before your time. O son! Ask Allaah The Almighty to protect you from the evil of women and to grant you the best of them. Endeavor to find a righteous woman, so you can be happy for life.”
Virginity
While not a requirement per se, Islam urges a Muslim to marry a virgin only because men naturally prefer a woman who has never been with anyone else before. Knowing their nature, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked Jaabir ibn ‘Abdullaah, may Allaah be pleased with him, after his marriage to a non-virgin woman:“Why did you not marry a virgin who would play with you and you would play with her?”Jaabir, may Allaah be pleased with him, told the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, that it was only because his father had died and left his young sisters in his care, and that an older, mature woman would be more capable of taking care of the house. There is no doubt that a bride who is a virgin devotes all her love to the one man who chose her from among countless women; and indeed, the first love is true love. Also, since a virgin does not have experience with men, she will devote all her affection to the only man who married her.
Fertility
Once again, as a matter of a better )and not only( choice, Islam urges the Muslim to marry fertile women, who are free from any disease that prevents pregnancy, as may be determined by pre-marital checkups and through consultation with specialist doctors. Further, if a potential bride’s mother, relatives and married sisters have children, then, it is most likely that she is genetically predisposed to bearing offspring, as well.
The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, forbade Muslims from celibacy and ordered them to look for fertile women as spouses, saying:“Marry affectionate and fertile women, as I will be proud of your great number, among the Prophets on the Day of Judgment.”]Abu Daawood and An-Nasaa’i[ In another instance, a man came to the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, seeking his advice on whether he should marry a woman who is beautiful but infertile. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“No.”Then, he came to ask the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, a second time, and he forbade him again. After he came a third time, he,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said,“Marry the affectionate and fertile women as I shall outnumber people by you )on the Day of Judgment(.”]Abu Daawood and An-Nasaa’i[
Closeness in culture and age
Homogeneity in marriage, according to Islamic jurisprudence, is in choosing a wife that is close to the man in age, culture and family background. This is because due to similar standards, the harmony of marital life may be maintained in a like-minded couple.
However, scholars have different opinions in this regard; some of them say that this is necessary, basing their stance on some Hadeeth of the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, such as the one where he said:“Choose for your semen )i.e., children(; marry suitable people ]to each other[ and get married to suitable partners.”]Ibn Maajah[
However, some scholars disagree, saying this cannot stand as proof, as all Muslims are competent for each other. There are Hadeeths that support this opinion, such as the one narrated by Al-Bukhaari, may Allaah have mercy upon him, in which Sahl, may Allaah be pleased with him, relates that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallamasked them about a man that passed by them. The people said:“He is worthy of being accepted when he proposes for marriage, of his intercession being given consideration and being listened to when he speaks.” After that, one of the poor Muslims passed by them and the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked them about him, whereupon they remarked: “He is not worthy of being accepted when he proposes or intercedes, or of being listened to when he speaks.” The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, then stated:“The latter is better than many men like the former”, apparently on the basis of his religion and morals.

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