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Question:
I really need some help! I have been married for 14 years now, from the first day I married her she has never held any respect for me. In our first year of marriage I could not leave her because I had a child and I thought she would be fine and my parents said inshallah she will get better but she has not. I have 4 daughters, my wife does not look after them at all, she does not know namaz at all, I have taught her but she has never tried. I have wrote it down for her so much and I have even showed her but she has not tried. She always wastes her money on various things such as dying her hair, she has operations in order for her to lose weight like liposuction. I had an argument with her in why she wasted her money. In my eyes she was perfectly fine and healthy. She has sterilised everything so that we cannot have any children and she did this without my permission. She did not ask me, I even stopped her but till she did not listen. After that we do not have a husband and wife relationship, we sleep in seperate rooms. We hardly talk to each other. We always have huge arguments on simple topics and she always takes things the wrong way. I always control my anger and I have done this now for 14 years. I have given her eveything she asked for a house i gave her that, she asked for a car i gave her that I pay the mortage and all the bills in order for her to stay happy but this has not worked. She works full-time I have said to her stop working and I will give you everthing. I even said all she has to do is respect me, look after children and the house but she still hasnt listened. Her parents act the same as her they do not care either. My wife and her parents are both the same they think the same way and don't read the namaz. Her parents children do not know anything about Islam or know how to read namaz. She does not tell the kids to read namaz at all which upsets me as i want my children to grow up well knowing about what our Islam says. I have given her 1 divorce, the molvi has told me I have 1 certificate. The molvi says I have 2 divorces left. I have thought about this very carefully in what i am telling you. Now this was all about my wife now I am going to tell you about me. I have thought about everything very carefully. I do not fell like living with her at all I cannot live the rest of my life with her. It has been 2 years now and I have another girl who is 19. She did not know anything and she fell in love with me. She listened to all my emotions and troubles and she knows everything about my wifes family she knows them really well. But the thing there is a age difference between 10 and 15. I don't want to marry her because of our age difference and i am scared that I might ruin her life if i do marry her. She tells me that she wants to marry me and that the age difference doesnt concern her. But all i think about is my childrens life i dont want their life to be ruined i dont know what to do i am going crazy thinking about my children. I do feel like marrying someone where my wife compromises with me, reads namaz and quran, everthing and a wife that will bring up children with the teachings of islam. The girl that is with me now, she used to wear jeans but now she doesnt, i tell her to read namaz she reads it everything i tell her to do she does it. She doesnt just do this to show off to me she does it because she beleives that this is the right thing to do. We have done everything like a husband and wife i know this is very wrong. The girl is telling me to do a nakah can we do this without people knowing. I really dont care about other people but the thing that concerns me is my children. They might say to me that you have married a young girl. Aslo no-one at all knows about our relationship. If I have wrote something wrong then i am sorry i didnt know how to write it. I am very concerned and I would like to know what i should do. I shall wait for your reply.
Answer:
In the name of Allah Most Merciful Most Compassionate
I pray you are well and in the best of health and iman.
Divorce is hated but halal, however given the sensitivity of your situation, you should refer to a reliable local scholar.
And Allah alone gives success.
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