Women site, - Whom Should you Choose as a Husband? – I

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Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
پœ}O you who have believed, fear Allaah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims ]in submission to Him[.{]Quran 3:102[
پœ}O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allaah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allaah Is ever, over you, an Observer.{]Quran 4:1[
پœ}O you who have believed, fear Allaah and speak words of appropriate justice. He will ]then[ amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allaah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great attainment.{]Quran 33:70-71[
Allaah The Almighty honored women and made them the second half of men in terms of rights and duties. It was narrated on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Women are peers to men."]At-Tirmithi[ Ibn Al-Jawzi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, “The fact that women are peers to men signifies that just as a man may admire a woman, a woman may admire a man. Therefore, a woman has the right to choose the man whose life she will share and under whose authority she will remain for the rest of her life.”
The woman’s guardian should choose a suitable husband for her. He should not give her in marriage to any man except the one who is religious, of good morals and is honorable – a man who shall live with her in an acceptable manner or release her with kindness. In Al-Ihyaa’, Al-Ghazaali, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, "It is very important to choose her husband very carefully, because by marriage she would be like a slave girl with nobody to free her. It is only the husband who has the power to divorce her in any circumstances." ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said, "Marriage is enslavement, so look carefully where you place your daughter."
Thus, it is obligatory for the guardian and the woman to choose a kind and noble husband. So, what are the qualities that should exist in the woman's partner and companion to whom she will hand over the standard, give allegiance to direct the course of her life, and accompany him in all walks of life until they enter Paradise safely together?
Choosing the right spouse is the first gate which takes you either to tranquility, affection and mercy, or to dissension and discord. Thus, what are the qualities that must exist in a husband?
• He should be religious
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you.{]Quran 2:221[ If a husband is religious and loves his wife, he would honor her; if he hates her, he would not oppress her. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"If a man proposes to you and you approve his religiosity and morals, accept him; otherwise, there will be temptation and great corruption on earth."]At-Tirmithi: Hasan[
A religious husband does not oppress his wife when he is angry, nor does he desert her without a valid reason. A religious husband neither mistreats his wife nor causes temptation for his family by bringing evil things or means of distraction into the house. Rather, he carries out the instructions of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who said:"The best among you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best to my wives."]Ibn Maajah[
The woman's guardian should check the religiosity and morals of the suitor, because, by marriage, the woman becomes like a slave. When the guardian gives her in marriage to an oppressor, a man who does not perform prayers, a dissolute man, a follower of religious innovations, or a consumer of intoxicants or drugs, he destroys her religion and is exposed to the Wrath of Allaah because his bad choice resulted in severing ties of kinship with her.
A man asked Al-Hasan, may Allaah have mercy upon him, saying, "A number of suitors have proposed to my daughter; to whom should I give her in marriage?" Al-Hasan replied, "To the one who fears Allaah, because if he loves her, he will honor her; and if he hates her, he will not oppress her."
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}He said, "Indeed, I wish to wed you one of these, my two daughters.{]Quran 28:27[ Al-Qurtubi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, commented, "Moosa )Moses(, may Allaah exalt his mention, came to the righteous man of Midian alone as a stranger, a fugitive, scared, hungry and with not enough clothes. Nevertheless, when the righteous man was sure about his religiosity and sound state, he wedded him to one of his daughters, completely overlooking everything else."
There is no doubt that disregarding the importance of the religiosity of the suitor is the basis for loss and misery in the worldly life and in the Hereafter. A person should be keen to choose a religious man, even if he is poor. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Al-‘Abbaas Sahl ibn Sa‘d As-Saa‘idi, may Allaah be pleased with him, that he said,
“A man passed by the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked someone sitting with him about his opinion of that man. He said, 'He is one of the dignitaries. By Allaah, he is worthy of being accepted when he proposes, of interceding when he asks and of being listened to when he speaks.' The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, kept silent for a while until another man passed. After that, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked the same man about him. He said, 'This is one of the poor Muslims. He is not worthy of being accepted when he proposes, of being accepted when he intercedes or of being listened to when he speaks.' The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said,'The latter is far better than many men like the former.']Al-Bukhaari[
It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:
“No one spoke in the cradle but three )persons(: ‘Eesa )Jesus( son of Maryam )Mary(, the second one was the companion of Jurayj; the pious worshipper. Jurayj took a secluded hermitage for worship and confined himself in it. His mother came to him as he was busy in prayer, and she called, 'O Jurayj!' He said, 'O My Lord, my mother )is calling me( and )I am offering( my prayer )what shall I do(?.' He continued with the prayer. She returned and came the following day and he was )still( busy in prayer. She called, 'O Jurayj!' He said, 'My Lord, my mother )is calling me( and )I am offering( my prayer )what shall I do(?', and he continued with the prayer, and she returned. Then the next day she came again while he was busy in prayer, and called, 'O Jurayj!' He said, 'My Lord, my mother )is calling me( and )I am offering( my prayer )what shall I do(?' and he continued with the prayer. She said, 'O Allaah! Do not let him die until he sees the faces of prostitutes.'
The story of Jurayj and that of his meditation and prayer spread among the children of Israel. There was a prostitute who was beauty personified. She said )to the people(, "If you like, I can lure him into evil." She presented herself to him but he paid no heed )to her(. She came to a shepherd who lived near the hermitage and she offered herself to him. He )the shepherd( had sexual intercourse with her and she became pregnant. When she gave birth to a baby she said, 'This baby is from Jurayj.'
So they came and asked Jurayj to leave and they demolished the hermitage and began to beat him. He asked them what was the matter. They said, 'You committed fornication with this prostitute and she gave birth to a baby from you.' He said, 'Where is the baby?' They brought him )the baby( and then he said, 'Just leave me so that I should perform prayer.' He performed prayer and when he finished, he struck the baby’s stomach with his finger, and asked him, 'O boy, who is your father?' The baby answered, 'He is the shepherd.'
So, the people turned towards Jurayj, kissed him and touched him )seeking blessings(, and said, 'We are ready to construct your hermitage with gold.' He said, 'No, just rebuild it with mud as it was,' and so they did.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, continued:
"Then, there was a baby whose mother was suckling him when a person dressed in a fine garment came riding on a priceless animal. His mother said, 'O Allaah, make my child like this one.' He )the baby( left his mother’s breast, looked at the rider and said, 'O Allaah, Do not make me like him.' He then returned to the breast and resumed sucking.'' He )Abu Hurayrah( said, 'It is as though I can see the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, illustrating the scene of his sucking milk with his forefinger in his mouth and sucking that.'
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, continued:
"It so happened that a slave girl passed by them who was being beaten and the people behind her were saying, 'You committed fornication and theft.' She was saying, 'Sufficient for me is Allaah, and ]He is[ the best Disposer of affairs', and his mother said, 'O Allaah, Do not make my child like her.' He left the breast, looked at her, and said, 'O Allaah! make me like her.'
This was followed by a conversation between the mother and child. She said, 'A good-looking man happened to pass by, and I said: O Allaah, make my child like him, and you said: O Allaah, do not make me like him, and there passed a girl and the people were beating her, and saying: You committed fornication and theft, and I said: O Allaah, do not make my child like her, and you said: O Allaah, make me like her.'
The infant said, 'That man was a tyrant, and I said: O Allaah, do not make me like him; and they were saying about the girl: 'You committed fornication', whereas in fact, she had not committed that and they were saying: 'You have committed theft, whereas she had not committed theft', so I said: O Allaah, make me like her".]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
In Fath Al-Baari, Ibn Hajar, may Allaah have mercy upon him, commented, "The Hadeeth shows the importance of being dutiful to parents and answering their call, even if the person is busy. It also shows that the one who is sincere towards Allaah The Almighty is not affected by temptations, and that resorting to Allaah The Almighty in difficult situations occurs by turning to Him in prayers."
Look how the righteous predecessors were keen to choose a religious husband even if he was poor.
• Sa‘eed ibn Al-Musayyib, may Allaah have mercy upon him, was the master and the most knowledgeable of the Taabi‘oon )successors(. He had a daughter, who was one of the most beautiful, well-spoken and most knowledgeable of the Quran and Sunnah among the women of her time. The Umayyad Caliph, ‘Abdul-Malik ibn Marwaan, asked her hand for his son Al-Waleed, but Sa‘eed ibn Al-Musayyib refused and gave her in marriage to one of his students, Katheer ibn Abu Wadaa‘ah. Katheer was a poor man, so Sa‘eed gifted him five thousand dirhams and asked him to financially support himself with that. Katheer wanted to attend Sa‘eed's circle of knowledge in the morning. His wife asked him where he was going, and when he replied that he was going to acquire knowledge by attending the circle of Sa‘eed, she said, "Stay here, I will teach you the knowledge of Sa‘eed ibn Al-Musayyib," and she did. Look how Sa‘eed ibn Al-Musayyib preferred the pious worshipper to the rich tyrant, since this pious slave would fulfill her rights and the rights that Allaah The Almighty ordained for her.
• Thaabit ibn Ibraaheem, may Allaah have mercy upon him, once passed by a garden while he was almost dying of hunger. He found an apple that had fallen in the garden and when he ate part of it, he remembered that it was not lawful for him because it did not belong to him. Accordingly, he entered the garden where he found a man and said, "Forgive me for the half of the apple I ate and take the second half." The man replied, "I do not have the authority to forgive you, but go to my master who is the owner of the garden." "Where is he?", asked Thaabit. He replied, "You have to travel for one day and night to reach him."
Thaabit said, "I will go to him no matter how far he is, because the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:'All flesh nourished unlawfully will be cast into Hell.'"He reached the owner of the garden, and when he told him the story, the owner of the garden said, "By Allaah, I will not forgive you except on one condition." Thaabit told him to put whatever conditions he liked. The man said, "My condition is to marry my daughter who is deaf, blind, dumb and crippled." Thaabit said, "I agree to marry her, and I will seek reward from Allaah for serving her."
The marriage contract was concluded, and when Thaabit entered upon her, he was not sure whether he should extend Salaam to her or keep silent. He decided to extend Salaam, so that the angels would reply to him. Having extended Salaam, he heard the woman reply. Moreover, she stood up and shook his hand. He realized that she was not as described by her father. When he asked her about the matter, she said, "My father told you that I was blind, and I am blind to what is unlawful, so my eyes do not look at what Allaah prohibited; I am deaf to hearing what displeases Allaah; I am dumb because my tongue only remembers Allaah; and I am crippled because my feet do not carry me to what angers Allaah."
When Thaabit looked at her face, he found her beautiful like a full moon. He consummated his marriage and she gave birth to a child who spread knowledge in every corner of the globe – he was the great jurist Imaam Abu Haneefah An-Nu‘maan, may Allaah have mercy upon him. Thus, a father's wise choice in marrying his daughter to a religious, conscientious man resulted in the birth of pious offspring.

PUBLISHER The fact that Islamic moral values do not yet rule the world must stir all Muslims

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