Sex in Islam, - Part 1 - Sex in Islam: Its Role and Purpose

Author's Note: We received an e-mail enquiry recently from a
non-Muslim lady requesting information concerning the issue of sexual
relations and menopause in Islam. We felt that her question warranted
a more thorough approach, so we decided to publish a detailed answer.
Here is her original letter to us and our initial response to her.Her
name and e-mail address have been withheld.
Her original letter to us:
I saw your posting on soc.religion.islam and hope you don't mind my writing you.
I've been trying to find information on how Islam, specifically the
Qur'an, deals with the subject of sex. I am sure this may seem like a
set-up of some sort but please let me assure you, it is not.
I'm on several menopause mailing lists, and the subject of sex and
religion has come up. Some religions feel that sex should be only for
procreation and not for enjoyment. With menopause putting an end to a
woman's
fertility, those religions would appear to be saying that once a woman
reaches menopause, she shouldn't be having sex.
I've been submerging myself in Islam newsgroups and books for the past
month, and for the life of me, I can not find the reference that
indicated that Islam dictates sexual relations only within marriage,
and only for procreation.
Am I wrong? I'd appreciate any references that you might be able to
provide. Please feel free to forward this message to anyone you feel
may be able to help me. . . end of letter
Our initial e-mail response to her:
Thank you for your enquiry . . .
Briefly, here are some quick answers to your two questions:
1. Procreation is NOT the only purpose of marriage in Islam, because a
secondary purpose is also companionship and enjoyment.
2. Menopause does NOT put an end to sexual relations in a Muslim marriage.
End of our initial e-mail response to her
A more detailed response now follows . . .
Sex in Islam - Its Role and Purpose
by Syed Mumtaz Ali & Rabia Mills
In the Islamic faith, the first and the foremost and the most reliable
and highest form of religious law for faithful Muslims is contained
within the holy Qur'an. The Prophetic Traditions (also known
asHadith,which arethe sayings and doings and tacit approval of things
said or done in the presence of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h.) (1)are
a second source of law. With that said, we hope the following reply
will answer your question.
According to Islam, procreation isnotthe sole and only purpose of
marriage. While procreation is a primary purpose, companionship and
enjoyment of the spouse along with avoidance of unlawful or sinful
relationships are also secondary purposes. These secondary purposes
play their own important roles in the Islamic teachings which govern
sexual relations. In other words, although procreation is definitely
anaim, it isnot an exclusive aim. Procreation is the major purpose,
but nonetheless enjoyment and other purposes also play significant
roles in married life as evidenced by the Islamic teachings which
relate to sexual relations.
Although the primarypurposeof sex is procreation, the Qur'an does not
forbid it when a woman reaches menopause. For example, in the Qur'an
is the story is about the Prophet Zakariya a.s. (2)(Christian spelling
-- Zakaria) [see Qur'an 19:1-15] who had fathered a child well into
his old age. One verse in particular reads:
"He [Zakariya] said: "O my Lord! How shall I have a son, when my wife
is barren and I have grown quite decrepit from old age?" [Qur'an 19:8]
"He said: "So (it will be): thy Lord saith, "That is easy for Me: I
did indeed create thee before, when thou hadst been nothing!" [Qur'an
19:9]
The Qur'anic reference above, then, shows the case of a couple
carrying on sexual relations well into old age. This in turn signifies
that these relations are allowed within marriage and into old age for
Muslim couples.
You will recall that this same story is found in the Old Testament
with reference to Zakaria a.s. who was made to be mute for three days
and nights as a sign from God.
In this connection, it is interesting to note that even in our
relatively recent times, history has recorded the fact that the great
SufiShaikh, Abdul Qadir Gilani r.a., was born on the 1st day of
Ramadan 470 A.H [some historians say 471 A.H] which corresponds to
March 18, 1078 A.D. His mother was 60 years of age at the time of his
birth.
In terms of the Traditions of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h. we can
see another meaningful example of this in the life of the Prophet. The
Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. married his first wife (Khadija aged 40)
when he was 25 years old, and he remained monogamous throughout his
entire 26 years of marriage to her. He then married A'isha at the age
of 54, but this was three years after the death of Khadija. It was
after this marriage that he then took other wives. By the way, many
non-Muslim writers have directed a great deal of unjust criticism
against him for this. In fact all of these women were quite old or
were widows who had been left destitute and without protection during
those troubled times. And so as the head of State at Medina, the only
proper way (according to Arab code) in which Muhammad p.b.u.h. could
extend both protection and maintenance to them was by marriage.
(3)[see also Appendix A]Those marriages were not only consummated, but
ancillary sexual relations have also been reported to us through the
Hadith literature. Hence another proof that sexual relations are
considered acceptable well into old age. "Polygamy was not always
considered to be so reprehensible as it is now. For example, St.
Augustine himself observed that there was no intrinsic immorality or
sinfulness in it, and declared that polygamy was not a crime where it
was the legal institution of a country." (4)This subject matter,
however, is another topic altogether. [see also Appendix B]
We have reproduced an excerpt on our website by Dr. M.A. Rauf from his
book'Marriage in Islam'.In this excerpt, Dr. Rauf discusses in great
detail the advantages and possible disadvantages of marriage. Among
the advantages that he discusses are procreation, fulfilment of the
natural urge, companionship, comfort and relief to the soul, and so
on. He also discusses the disadvantages and the types of burdens and
risks involved with marriage. All of the advantages or benefits are in
effect meant to be regarded as the secondary purpose of marriage which
supplement its major aim or purpose, namely procreation. We would
highly recommend that you read this excerpt for a more complete
understanding of our present response to you.
With regards to your question regarding menopause, we would also
strongly suggest that you read the book "The Proper Conduct of
Marriage in Islam" by Imam al-Ghazzali. (5)[see also Appendix C] We
would particularly refer you to where al-Ghazzali explains the
rationale and reasoningfor the recommendation of marriage - even for
the impotent. In his Conclusion, al-Ghazzali discusses the other
purposes of marriage and that is to fulfil the natural sexual desires
as well as to experience its joy and protection from the perils of
lust.
If one cohabits with one's own wife -- not for carnal pleasure alone,
but for performing the duty imposed by God -- it would be an act of
piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure and reward from God and this
is as the Prophet p.b.u.h. has observed. This is what has been
described asspiritualizingtemporal duties. [see also Appendix D] You
might also refer to where Imam al-Ghazzali discusses the subject of
relaxation and recreationfor the soul and so on.
Islam also prescribes certain rules of sexual etiquette. Imam
al-Ghazzali also sets out the PropheticTraditionswhich deal with the
pleasures of 'foreplay' and other similar enjoyments that are
permitted when the wife is menstruating. Not permitted, however, is to
go so far as to copulate by means of penetration into the vagina
during menstruation.
Islam has declared fornication (which by definition in Islam includes
adultery) unlawful, and it goes to great lengths to make it repugnant
by sanction and deterrent. It has even gone so far as to make any
alliances of this type of unlawful sexual relationship a heinous sin
and an odious offence. In other words, sexual relations of any kind,
that fall outside of lawful marriage, are absolutely forbidden. For
example:
"Nor come nigh to adultery for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil,
opening the road (to other evils)."[Qur'an 17:32]
"The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication - flog each
of them with a hundred stripes. Let not compassion move you in their
case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the
Last Day. And let a party of the Believers witness their
punishment."[Qur'an 24:2]
"Those who bring the charge of adultery against chaste women but
cannot produce four witnesses to prove the charge, give them 80 lashes
and their testimony should never be believed."[Qur'an 24:4]
Four Prophetic Traditions [Hadith]:
1. "Said the Prophet: 'A grievously heinous sin in the estimation of
God is to commit adultery with a woman living in one's neighbourhood'"
[Bukhari & Muslim]
2. " He or she who casts a lewd glance at another and allows himself
of herself to be attracted likewise, both meet the displeasure of
God." [Dailami]
3. "There is nothing which God abhors more than adultery."
4. "Observed the Prophet: 'Whenever a calamity befalls a centre of
population, take it for granted that immorality is rampant in that
place.' [Dailami]
More Qur'anic quotes and Hadith:
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that ye maydwell in tranquillitywith them, andHe has put
love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for
those who reflect."[Qur'an 30:21]
"And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who
will be thecomfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the
righteous." [Qur'an 25:74]
"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when or how you
will."[Qur'an 2:223]
Hadith:"Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abbas: Ibn Umar misunderstood (the
Qur'anic verse, "So come to your tilth however you will") - may Allah
forgive him. The fact is that this clan of the Ansar, who were
idolaters, lived in the company of the Jews who were the people of the
Book. They (the Ansar) accepted their superiority over themselves in
respect of knowledge and the followed most of their actions. The
people of the Book (i.e., the Jews) used to have intercourse with
their women on one side alone (i.e., lying on their backs). This was
the most concealing position for (the vagina of) the women. This clan
of the Ansar adopted this practice from them. But this tribe of the
Quraysh used to uncover their women completely, and seek pleasure with
them from in front and behind and laying them on their backs.
When themuhajirun(the immigrants) came to Medina, a man married a
woman of the Ansar. He began to do the same kind of action with her,
but she disliked it, and said to him: We were approached on one side
(i.e. lying on the back); do it so, otherwise keep away from me. The
matter of theirs spread widely and it reached the Apostle of Allah
(peace be upon him).
So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Qur'anic verse: "Your wives are a
tilth to you, so come to your tilth however you will," i.e., from in
front, from behind or lying on the back. But this verse meant the
place of the delivery of the child, i.e., the vagina." [from
theHadithliterature: Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Number 2159]
"Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your
wives.They are your garments and ye are their garments."[Qur'an 2:187]
"It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then)
He has created from him his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], in order that he
mightenjoy the pleasureof living with her . . ."[Qur'an 7:189]
"And Allah has made for youmates (and companions)of your own nature,
and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren,
and provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in
vain things, and be ungrateful for Allah's favours?"[Qur'an 16:72]
Hadith:On the authority of Abu Dharr : Some of the companions of the
messenger of Allah said :" O Messenger of Allah, the affluent have
made off with the rewards, they pray as we pray they fast as we fast,
and they give away in charity the superfluity of their wealth." He
said:" Has not Allah made things for you to give away in charity ?
Everytasbihahis a charity, everytakbirahis a charity, everytahmidahis
a charity, and everytahlilahis a charity, to enjoin a good action is a
charity, to forbid an evil action is a charity, and in the sexual act
of each of you there is a charity." They said: "O Messenger of Allah,
when one of us fulfils his sexual desire will he have some reward for
that?" He said: "Do you not think that were he to act upon it
unlawfully he would be sinning ? Likewise, if he has acted upon it
lawfully he will have a reward." [Muslim]
Appendix A
From "Life of Muhammad" by A.H. Hamid Siddiqui. Hilal Publications,
Calcutta 1981. Pages 243-247.
Marriages of the Holy Prophet
"He was hardly twenty-five years of age when he married Khadijah, who
was fifteen years older than himself. It was with her and her alone
that he passed all the years of his youth and manhood until she died
three years before Hijra, when he was already a man of fifty. After
the sad demise of Khadijah, he again went in for a widow, this time a
helpless one in great distress. She was one of the earliest converts
to Islam who had suffered many hardships for the cause of Truth.
The Holy Prophet married A'ishah, the daughter of his devoted friend
Abu Bakr. She was the only virgin wife of Muhammad (peace be upon
him).
Events took a very serious turn in Medina. The enmity of the Quraysh
resulted in armed battles in which so many of the noble Muslims fell
as martyrs. It was, therefore, the bounden duty of the Holy Prophet
and his companions to alleviate the sufferings of the widows and the
orphans who had been deprived of their husbands and fathers. Muhammad
(peace be upon him) undertook the major burden on himself and married
Hafsa, daughter of 'Umar, whose husband had died in the battle of
Badr. It was on this ground of clemency and compassion that the Holy
Prophet married Zaynab, the daughter of Khuzaimah, who had been
deprived of her husband in Uhud. Her parents were non-Muslims living
in Mecca and after the martyrdom of her husband, there was none to
take care of her. The next lady to enter the hospitable household of
the Holy Prophet was Umm Salamah whose husband had received fatal
injuries in the battle of Uhud and died leaving behind a pregnant
widow and a daughter. The Prophet was moved by her pitiable condition
and honoured her by taking her as his wife. The events relating to the
marriage of Zaynab bint Jahsh have been discussed in great detail in
the foregoing pages and it has been established that this marriage was
governed by some important social considerations, i.e. to obliterate
the customs of adoptive affinity and also to remove the false notion
then prevalent in society that the divorce of a noble lady by a freed
slave undermined her prestige.
Besides these widows of his faithful followers, whom it fell to his
lot to take under his protection and share their sufferings and
sorrows, the Holy Prophet also took three widows of his enemies in
marriage. The entry of these three ladies, Juwayriyah, Maymuna and
Safiyyah (may Allah be pleased with them) in the house of the Holy
Prophet, became the means whereby relations with various tribes were
cemented and this is how hostilities came to an end.
It is quite evident that the marriages of the Holy Prophet were
governed mainly by the feeling of compassion for the widows of his
faithful followers, who had no means to fall back upon after they were
bereft of the love and care of their husbands. This fact has been
acknowledged even by the critics of the Prophet. "It would be
remembered, however," says Bosworth Smith, "that most of Muhammad's
marriages may be explained, at least, as much by his pity for the
forlorn condition of the persons concerned, as by other motives."
Other marriages were contacted from the motives of policy, in order to
conciliate the heads of rival factions.
Then there was also one more consideration, in no way less important
than those discussed earlier, which led to these marriages. Muhammad
(peace be upon him) was the bearer of God's message not only for men,
but also for women. The womenfolk needed the prophetic guidance,
training and instruction in the same way as the males. The Holy
Prophet was fully cognizant of the need of Muslim society. He had,
therefore, in the best interest of the Ummah, endeavored to create a
new leadership amongst women, which, like its counterpart amongst men
could, by precept and example, help the formation of a new type of
womanhood representing the teachings of Islam. How could this
objective be achieved without first preparing the most perfect
specimen of Muslim womanhood. The Holy Prophet allowed some women,
belonging to different social groups, having different tastes and
tendencies and different intellectual standards to enter his household
as his wives and then by his close personal contact, nurture and train
their God-given faculties so perfectly in accordance with the
teachings of Islam that they could serve as pillars of light not only
for the womenfolk of the Islamic commonwealth, but for the whole of
womankind. One or two woman could not undertake this heavy
responsibility. A whole group was required to meet this need.
Moreover, there is a good deal of difference in the nature of training
essential for male and female. Man's life is dominated by social
activities, whereas the natural sphere of woman's work is primarily
her home. It is the wife alone who shares with the husband even the
most secret affairs of life. The Holy Prophet could not prepare the
specimen of Islamic womanhood unless he allowed some ladies to enter
the innermost chambers of his domestic life. In view of the teachings
of Islam, with regard to seclusion of sexes, only the noble wives of
the Holy Prophet could be accommodated on this plane and mankind owes
a deep debt of gratitude to these noble ladies that they communicated
to us most faithfully, the sacred account of the Prophet's private
life, which, like his public career, had so many facets and has been
made a model pattern for the believers, both men and women. The
injunction of the Qur'an: 'Verily in the Apostle of Allah, you have
the best example' (33:2) covers not only one aspect of his sacred
life, but his whole life . It was with a view to achieving this
objective, i.e., the authentic transmission of the Prophet's home life
to the people that a few noble ladies were made to enter his house as
his wives.
The Qur'anic verse:'It is not allowed to take wives after this, nor to
change them for others(33:52) implies that the Holy Prophet, like all
his other acts, contacted those marriages perfectly in accordance with
the will of the Lord. There was a divine purpose behind them and when
it was achieved, a restriction was place upon him.
That the Prophet married these ladies as a religious necessity can
well be judged from the fact that he spent his youth in the company of
one wife, Khadijah only. At the age of forty he was commissioned as a
Prophet, and during the first twelve years of his prophethood, when he
had only to instil in the minds of the people the fundamentals of
faith, i.e., Oneness of God, apostlehood of Muhammad, life after
death, he did not feel the necessity of marrying any other lady. After
the death of Khadijah, he married Sawda, a widow of advanced age. But
with the migration to Medina when Islamic society was established, the
Muslims were required to conform their social and personal behaviour
to the teachings of Islam, revelations for practical guidance in all
walks of life came from Allah. These had to be explained by the life
example of the holy Prophet. There was not one problem, but numerous
problems concerning all phases of life that needed solving at every
step. How the holy Prophet solved them must be made known to the
people as it is also an integral part of the faith for 'he does not
speak of his own desire'(Qur'an 53:3) It is God who speaks through him
in whatever he utters by way of spiritual guidance or practical
legislation. Now, whatever the Holy Prophet said or did in public
could easily be conveyed to the other people for their guidance. But
what about his private life which was equally important and divinely
inspired and had to serve as an example for the Believers? It is
through the noble wives of the holy Prophet that the Muslims learnt
the teachings of Islam in their personal concerns. It was not an
ordinary work, but an important task of vast magnitude which was
admirably accomplished by these pious ladies. (Allah be pleased with
them). How can these facts be justifiably ignored in the matter of
Muhammad's marriages?
It is strange indeed that the western critics of Islam and of the holy
Prophet in their sordid endeavors to malign Muhammad (peace be upon
him) close their eyes to all those illuminating facts which prove that
his was a life of perfect sublimity and single-minded devotion to
Allah, absolutely free from the taint of base desires. It is narrated
on the authority of Jabir b. 'Abd Allah that Abu Jahl and some of the
chiefs of the Quraysh approached the holy Prophet and said:
" If you are anxious for leadership, we are prepared to declare you
our leader, if you need riches, we would collect for you an enormous
amount of wealth that will suffice not only for you but even for your
descendants; if you are impelled by sexual urge, you may choose ten
beautiful damsels out of the whole tribe of Quraysh. The holy Prophet
kept silent and did not utter a word. When their talks concluded, the
holy Prophet recited the following verse of the Qur'an:
Ha Mim! A revelation from the Beneficent, the Merciful; A Book of
which the verses are made plain, an Arabic Qur'an for people who know
and the bearer of glad tidings and a warner: Yet most of them turn
aside so that they hearken not. [Qur'an 41:4-4]
The holy Prophet recited these verses of the Qur'an and concluded them
with the following verse:
Then if they still turn away, say thou: I warn you of calamity of the
'Ad and Thamud.[Qur'an 51: 13]
Even this single event is enough to prove Muhammad's immense love for
Allah, his devotion to his sacred mission and the insignificance in
his eyes the worldly pleasures. Allurement could not distract him,
even for a moment, form the noble cause for which he stood and
suffered all kinds of hardships and privations. No opportunity could
be more attractive than that this offered by the chiefs of Quraysh for
the satisfaction of sensuous pleasures, if he were so inclined."
(Tobe continued)