Separate Gender Identity
Allah created 2 different and distinct genders as a pair (75:39,
53:45, 92:3). The male is different from the female (3:36) although
ultimately both are from the same source (4:1, 7:189, 16:72, 30:12,
39:6). Each gender is encouraged to maintain its biological,
psychological, emotional, and social identity. This is for the purpose
of facilitating and regulating relations between the two genders for
the good of the whole society. Parity, a basic phenomenon of creation,
requires that men and women complement one another each bringing to
the relationship unique features of the respective gender identity.
This complementation would be meaningless if the two genders lost
their separate identities.
On the demographic level, there should exist equal numbers of men and
women. This is maintained in a normal social setting. In abnormal
situations the balance may be lost leading to social problems. One of
the signs of the impending last day, yawm al qiyamat, will be gender
imbalance with too many women for few men (KS p. 106). This will be
followed by a lot of adultery, zina (KS p. 264). Gender awareness
develops very early in children. Sexual awareness develops towards
puberty.
Gender Discrimination
Gender separation has been used in a wrong way to discriminate against
women on the basis of their sexuality. In contemporary western society
the woman's body is sometimes treated as a sexual object to be
exploited in the commercial advertisement and entertainment
industries. In pre-Islamic Arabia, jahiliyyat, there was despise for
females, idhlaal al nisa. There was preference for male births and
hatred for females (6:137, 6:140, 6:151, 17:31, 60:12, 81:8-9,
16:58-59). Parents were sad on birth of a daughter (16:58-59, 43:17).
Infant daughters were considered a blemish, aar (16:58-59, 43:17) and
were buried alive, wa'ad al banaat (6:137, 6:140, 6:151, 16:58-59,
17:31, 60:12, 81:8-9). Women were inherited as goods (4:19) and were
denied the good things of life (6:139).
In Christendom, women were blamed fior the original sin of Adam and
Hawa and suffered discrimination as a result. Islam has emphasized
gender identity while rejecting all forms of discrimination against
the woman on the basis of her sexuality.
The Qur'an makes it clear that both Adam and Hawa were misled (2:36,
7:22, 20:121). They both sought forgiveness from Allah and were
forgiven (7:23). In 2 verses it is Adam and not Hawa who is mentioned
as seeking forgiveness (2:37, 20:122). Human sexuality could be a
cause of corruption. Women because of their sexual attractiveness can
be a source of fitnat (MB #1837 Qur'an 64:14). This has been
misunderstood as derogatory to the moral standards of women. In
practice it is men who are more often the active or aggressive party
in sexual corruption and should take the blame. Any situation of
corruption involves both a man and a woman and both are morally
guilty. The law equalizes their guilt and their punishment (24:2). In
the same way Islam equalizes their reward for good work (3:195, 4:124,
16:97, 40:40, 33:35). Men can also be a sexual attraction as the
Qur'an tells us in the story of Yusuf (PBUH). His beauty was a
temptation, fitnat, for women (12:26).
Trans-sexuality
The law considers any blurring of the gender distinction between males
and females as highly undesirable. This applies to the way of
dressing, talking, behaving and socializing. Effeminate men must not
be allowed to enter homes (MB #948). Severe punishment is reserved for
men who try to appear like women, mukhannath, and women who try to
appear like men, mutarajjil, (KS p. 190, KS p. 540). The law specifies
acceptable clothing and other bodily ornamentation for men and women
(KS p. 266, KS p. 466). Only women can use silk (MB p. 947, KS p. 465)
and gold (KS p. 213). It is recommended for men to grow a beard as a
sign of their masculinity (KS p. 468).
EXPRESSION OF HUMAN SEXUALITY
Human Sexuality is Normal
Allah created sexual desire, shahwat, in humans (3:14, 7:81, 27:55).
It is as normal as is the desire for food or shelter. Like other
desires that Allah created in humans it is powerful and can overwhelm
a weak human (23:106). Sexual desire like the desire for food can be
satisfied legally or illegally. It is illegal to satisfy the sexual
desire outside marriage or with a partner of the same gender (7:81,
27:55), or with animals or inanimate things. Humans differ from
animals in that their sexual desire is there all the time. Animals
develop the desire only in the period just before copulation and in
their reproductive season or phase. This period is called estrus in
apes. It is clear that human sexual desire is not only for
reproduction but also for pleasure. In animals sexual desire is
strictly related to the reproductive function. Expression of human
sexuality involves the male and female together. This has been the
convention since the creation of Adam. The mutual needs of men and
women for one another are illustrated in the case of Adam and Hawa (KS
p.41). Allah told him to settle in heaven with his wife.
Monasticism is Forbidden
Islam forbids complete rejection and suppression of the sexual
instinct (MB #1828, 1829, 1830, KS p. 253). The prophet forbade his
companions from castrating themselves so that they may be devoted to
worship, ibadat, all the time. Monasticism as practiced in some
Christian sects and other religions is a human invention (57:27) that
goes against basic human nature.
Sexual Attraction
Allah has created in each gender features that attract the other
gender. These include the physical beauty of the body (shape, size,
movements, texture, color), the voice (pitch and depth), scalp and
body hair (length, distribution, texture). Studies in animals have
shown the existence of pheromones. These are chemical sexual
attractants emitted by females. Their existence in humans is being
studied. Physical beauty is appreciated by Islam and is considered one
of the 4 reasons for marrying a woman (MB #1835). The intending
spouses must see one another before marriage (MB #1846). This is to
ensure that there is enough sexual attraction between them and
prevents the regrets that may occur after marriage. Physical beauty
deteriorates with age. Virginity enhances female sexual attraction and
is considered desirable (56:36, 66:5). Marrying virgins is preferred
(MB #1831) but there is no prejudice against the elderly widowed
(2:234-235) or divorced (2:232) women. Aisha was the only wife of the
Prophet who was a virgin. Shaitan exploits the sexual attraction
between the genders to inflame passions that lead to sexual
transgression. Each person always has shaitan with him or her (KS p.
48). The sexual attractiveness of the woman is generally more than
that of the man. Thus in sexual relations it is the male who usually
seeks out the female. The extra beauty and attractiveness of the woman
can be a temptation for both her and for men (12:23-24 & 12:30-34). A
woman conscious of her beauty may exploit it by being flirtous and
thus exposing herself to men. Men will be attracted by her beauty and
may lose control and commit sexual transgression.
Enhancing Sexual Attractiveness
Human sexual attraction is enhanced in many ways; some are legal
whereas others are not. Clothes enhance physical appearance besides
the functions of covering nakedness and protecting the body against
the elements of the weather. Perfumes and other good smells perhaps
play the role of pheromones in humans. Women and men can dye their
hair (KS p. 215). It is however forbidden to dye the hair black or to
use artificial hair. Circumcision (khitaan) is exercised in many
societies for both men and women. Some societies consider that it
enhances sexuality whereas others consider it to decrease sexuality
and use it to control sexual transgression. Islam did not forbid it
but requires that it be moderate and considerate (KS p. 214).
Circumcision of men is of hygienic importance.
REGULATION OF HUMAN SEXUALITY
Sexual Hygiene
The 2 hollow organs will lead most people to hell: the mouth,fam, and
the genitals,farj(KS p. 178). Both are involved in sexual corruption
one negotiates whereas the other commits the crime. The law has
regulations for proper conduct of sexual relations. These either aim
at decreasing sexual stimulation or removing antecedents of adultery.
Normal functioning of society requires that marriageable men and women
interact. Both genders, in their appearance and behavior, can
stimulate sexual passions. This results into a higher likelihood of
sexual transgression. The physical acts of sexual transgression are
preceded by acts that may not innately be illegal. They are however
forbidden or restricted because they could lead to or facilitate the
commitment of sexual transgression. These restrictions come under the
rubric of prevention of approaching adultery, qurb al zina (6:151,
17:32). The severe punishment for adultery, hadd al zina, (24:2-3) is
a social or public deterrent in cases of flagrant violation of the
law. Under normal circumstances, actual regulation should be social
exercised by the family and not the state.
Control of Sexuality
It is wrong to consider control of human sexuality. It must be
expressed. The issue is the manner in which it is expressed. This may
be right or wrong. For the youths who are not able to marry, fasting
is recommended as a means of controlling the sexual urge for a short
time (MB 440). For the married fasting should not be overused. The
fasting person must remember that the family has rights (MB p 454).
Thus conjugal rights of the husband or wife can not be abolished on
the basis of non-obligatory, nafil, fasting. The individual can
exercise control over the sexual urge even in the presence of extreme
provocation. A husband and wife need not be separated in situations in
which coitus if forbidden like pilgrimage, fasting, or menstruation. A
fasting couple are not allowed to engage in behavior that may make
them lose control and engage in coitus. Kissing of spouses in fasting
is allowed provided there is no fear of transgression otherwise it is
forbidden (KS p. 138).
Psychological Barriers
The family and society must erect psychological barriers that make the
commission of sexual transgression difficult. Severe punishment is
reserved in the hereafter for a person who allows sexual misconduct in
his or her family, duyuuth (KS p. 263). There should exist in society
a psychological revulsion to sexual corruption. Sexual misbehavior,
fahishat, should not be allowed to broadcast openly (4:148, 24:19).
Thus accusations of marital infidelity, al qadhaf, should not be made
without proof and severe punishment is reserved for the accuser who
can not produce 4 witnesses (KS p. 435, 24:4, 24:11-19, 24:23).
Talking about sexual infidelity openly and lightly will eventually
make the crime look ordinary and common and thus easier to commit.
Those who committed sexual transgression should be socially isolated
by not allowing them to marry chaste people but to marry only among
themselves.
Non-coital Adultery
Adultery is a major sin. It has antecedents and if these are avoided
the major ultimate sin may be avoided. The sexual urge is so strong
that many people involved in an antecedent of zina may not be able to
control themselves from going on to commit the illegal coitus. The
concept of non-coital adultery refers to acts and behaviours that lead
to zina. The various organs of the body can therefore be said to
commit non-coital zina, zina al jawarih (MB #2061, KS p. 264). The
eye, the ear, the mouth, and even the legs that walk from place to
place can be accessories to the ultimate sin of illegal coitus. Thus
there are regulations to prevent people from ever getting near
adultery (17:32). The measures that protect the genitals from the
ultimate crime are referred to as hifdh al farj (70:29-30) and inhsan
al furuj (21:91, 24:33, 66:12). Men who protect their genitals are
called al muhswinin and women are called al muhswinat (4:24-25, 5:5,
24:4, 24:23.
Shyness,Haya
The Islamic term haya is not perfectly translated by the English term,
shyness. Haya is an inner spiritual protective device that makes a
person shun sin and what may lead to it. It is not bashfulness or
being introvert as some may think of it. Haya is considered part of
faith, iman (KS p. 206). It is the morality of Islam (KS p. 206). Haya
is always for the good and can never be negative (KS p. 206). It is a
characteristic attribute of all messengers (KS p. 206). The Qur'an
describes in detail the haya of the daughters of Shuaib in their
meeting with Musa (PBUH) which should serve as a model for other women
(28:23-28).
Covering Nakedness,Satr al Awrat
Awrat are those parts of the body that could elicit sexual stimulation
if seen. Covering awrat prevents sexual corruption. Nudity of varying
degrees is found in societies according to their level of sexual
morality. Both men and women must cover the awrat. The awrat of men is
different from that of women. The woman's awrat is all her body except
the face and the hands. The man's awrat is confined to what is between
the navel, surrat, and the knee, rukbat. The extent of covering awrat
also depends on the person likely to see and the person being seen
(24:31). More of the awrat could be exposed to close relatives within
the confines of the home (24:31, 33:55). A close male relative is not
allowed to see a woman's nakedness except what is between the navel
and the knee. The regulations of hijab are relaxed for an elderly
woman with no hope of marriage (24:60). The laws on exposing nakedness
start applying to children from the age of 7. They should seek
permission before entering rooms of adults in the home for fear of
accidental exposure of awrat. Male and female children should not
share beds after the age of 7. The law regulates the use of public
baths. Where it is not possible to cover awrat, public baths are
forbidden (KS p. 203). Naked persons are not allowed in such baths (KS
p. 203). The laws of hijab contain special provisions for women as was
described in the verses on hijab (KS p. 541). It is not enough for the
woman to cover her nakedness. The law of hijab specifies in detail how
that nakedness has to be covered. For example it must be covered in
such a way that the shape of the body is not definable. Clothes
through which the color of the skin can be seen are not permitted. In
general the woman should cover all of her body except the face and the
hands. In cases of high temptation due to her beauty she may have to
wear a full veil covering her face as well.
Seclusion,Khalwat
It is forbidden for a women to be alone with a marriageable man (KS p.
540, MB # 1868). Whenever a man is with a woman in seclusion, shaitan
comes between them. Shaitan is always trying to misguide as he did
with Adam and Hawa (2:36, 7:22, 7:27). Seclusion is defined as a man
being with a marriageable woman who is not his wife in a place where
others can not see them.
Mixing,Ikhtilat
The law prohibits men and women mixing without necessity. When men and
women are together the natural sexual attractiveness could lead them
into temptation. When mixing is unavoidable for societal necessity,
certain etiquette have been prescribed by the law to guide male-female
interaction. Awrat must be covered as prescribed by the law, satr al
awrat (24:31). The regulations of hijab for women must be followed.
Men and women who are strangers to one another have to lower their
gaze, ghadh al basar(24:31), and not look at each other fixedly and
for a prolonged time. Both genders must have haya (28: 23-25). If a
man and woman talk to one another they must be serious, jidiyyat al
takhatub (33:32) and not engage in frivolous talk that could lead to
temptation. An atmosphere of solemnity, wiqaar, must be maintained
during the whole period of interaction (24:31).
Sexual Display,Tabarruj
Women are supposed to conceal their ornamentation from public display
(24:31). Women are discouraged from going out of their homes heavily
adorned with attractive ornamentation (KS p 539). This includes
wearing very heavy perfume in public. Such ornamentation should be
reserved for the home. The ruling is more severe for a wife whose
husband is absent (KS p. 540).
Privacy of the Home,Hurmat al Bayt
A stranger is not allowed to enter a home unless given permission.
This is to preserve the privacy of the occupants. The stranger may
enter unannounced and find them in various degrees of nakedness. Thus
permission to enter ensures that the house occupants' nakedness will
not be exposed accidentally (MB #2060). A wife can not admit a
stranger to her home without the permission of her husband (KS p.
542). Rooms within the home are also private territory that should not
be entered before asking for permission.
HUMAN SEXUALITY AND MARRIAGE
Marriage and Satisfaction of Sexuality
Marriage is a natural human institution. Adam and Hawa were the first
couple (2:35). Marital relations have continued ever since. A spouse
is a source of psychological tranquillity (30:21, 25:74, 7:189).
Marriage is the only institution that allows full expression of human
sexuality in a responsible way. It is described by the Qur'an as a
deep and serious relationship (4:21). The spouses give good company to
one another, mu'asharat (4:19). Islam encourages marriage for all (KS
p. 546). Marriage is protection against sexual immorality (KS p. 547,
60:10). If a man sees an attractive woman he should go to his wife
immediately because that protects him from potential sin (KS p. 155).
Marriage also serves the purpose of procreation to maintain the human
race and rear children until adulthood (3:47, 4;1, 16:72, 19:20).
Marriage is a public affair that must be announced and known in the
community that a couple are husband and wife to avoid any suspicions
that arise in secret marriages (KS p. 547, 2:235). The spouses must
freely consent to enter into a marital relation (4:191). Desire for
sexual satisfaction is a major reason for marriage. It is considered
offensive by the law for a person who has no sexual desire at all to
get married. A person who has desire for sexual satisfaction but has
impediments like poverty or physical disability (disease, impotence)
should control the desire by fasting. The sexual relation in marriage
is wider that coitus. It involves mutual enjoyment such as kissing and
fondling. The marital relation is much wider than a sexual relation.
It involves social and psychological bonding. The husband and wife
have to be close physically, psychologically and emotionally. Mutual
good treatment and sympathetic consideration sustain love after the
initial period of passionate involvement (4:19). The husband and wife
can bathe together and see each other's nakedness (MB p 123/p). The
husband can not keep away from contact with the wife because of
menstruation. He can sleep with his menstruating wife provided both
can control themselves to avoid copulation (MB p. 147). It is
forbidden for a wife to withhold sexual favors from her husband
without a valid reason (KS p. 542). The wife can not fast nafilat
without the permission of the husband (MB #1860) because that would
deny him his conjugal rights.
Prohibition of Temporary Sexual Relations
There are 4 types of temporary sexual relations: (a) temporary
marriage, mut'at (b) prostitution, bighaa (c) adultery between
consenting adults, zina and (d) marriage with the hidden intention to
divorce after a time, zawaaj bi niyyat al talaq. They are forbidden
because they reduce the sexual relation to its physical form without
regard to the emotional, psychological, and social dimensions. They
undermine and destroy the fabric of society. Temporary marriage,
mut'at, is forbidden by law (MB #1844, KS p. 549). This is a type of
marriage contracted by both parties for a fixed period of time. It
violates the need for children to be reared in a permanent family.
Humans require at least 15 years to be reared to adulthood.
Prostitution is the exchange of sexual favors for money. It is
physical enjoyment without emotional or psychological involvement. The
law prohibits forcing girls into prostitution (24:33) for the sake of
money. Adultery, zina, may have some form of emotional and
psychological involvement besides the physical enjoyment but these are
temporary. Some scholars have quoted evidence on the permissibility of
marriage with the intention of divorcing. In our view the practice
involves dishonesty on the part of the husband by failing to disclose
his full intentions to the partner. Disclosure would of course turn
this type of marriage into a form of mut'at marriage.
Privacy of the Sexual Relationship
The sexual attributes of a woman are private between and her husband.
It is forbidden for one women to describe the sexual details of
another women to her husband (MB #1869, KS p. 539). It is forbidden
for both spouses to disclose their sexual experiences to any outside
parties (KS p. 540).
Sexual Attractiveness in Marriage
The sexual attractiveness is a continuous process that is necessary to
bind the 2 spouses together. Some people misunderstand this to mean
that a woman is attractive before marriage in order to attract the man
and need not maintain her attractiveness after that. A married women
must always look attractive to her husband (KS 540). This prevents him
from being tempted by other women. The prophet forbade the return of a
husband from a trip at night because he may surprise his wife who will
not be able to prepare herself and be in the most attractive form (MB
#1871). The wife is entitled to articles of hygiene to maintain her
beauty. This however does not include cosmetics.
Ghiirat
The word ghiirat has been translated incorrectly into English as
jealousy. It is more than simple sexual jealousy. It is a drive in the
spouse and other members of the family to protect the chastity of both
males and females. Ghiirat is commendable (MB p. 904 chapter #30) and
is necessary for proper functioning of society. Too much of it could
be destructive.
Prohibited marriages,Maharim
For proper functioning of the extended family, free and easy social
intercourse must exist among its members. More intimate contacts will
occur among the family members that is possible with outsiders. Sexual
attraction and the sexual desire being human and natural could also
exist within the extended family. The door to this was closed by the
law by declaring degrees of relatives who are not marriageable (4:23)
and with whom close social intercourse is allowed within the family.
COITUS
Purpose
Coitus serves 2 purposes: reproduction and sexual enjoyment. It is the
most intimate and intense physical expression of human sexuality. All
other expressions of sexuality precede or prepare for it. Sexual
enjoyment in marriage, al istimtau fo al zawaj, is normal and is
encouraged (4:24). Some scholars have argued that this enjoyment is
confined to vaginal coitus. The majority argue that the enjoyment
covers all parts of the body unless specifically prohibited by law.
Benefits
Coitus is necessary for child-bearing. Children are a bounty from
Allah, n'imat al dhuriyyat (25:27, 42:49). It is difficult to describe
the benefits of health to physical and psychological health. It is
however known that its deprivation for prolonged periods of time leads
to psychological and emotional disorders
Consummation of Marriage
Marriage is annulled when coitus is physically impossible and there is
no hope for a medical or surgical solution. This may be due to
anatomical or physiological anomalies in both the male and the female.
With recent developments in surgery some of these may be correctable.
Psychogenic factors may cause vaginismus or frigidity in female and
impotence in males. Appropriate treatment may be undertaken to prevent
marital annulment. In cases of male impotence a grace period of 1 year
is allowed while treatment is being sought. After that the marriage
has to be annulled because it can no longer fulfil the fundamental
purpose of protecting chastity of both partners. The marriage is
considered consummated when successful coitus is achieved at least
once. Coital failure after that is not an automatic annulment of
marriage. The marriage payment, mahr, is not due in marriages annulled
before sexual consummation.
Conjugal Rights
Both husband and wife have rights to sexual satisfaction. The conjugal
rights are enforceable by law. None of the spouses can refuse under
reasonable conditions. The refusal of a wife is considered rebellion,
nushuuz, and the law has prescribed remedial measures for it.
Frequency
Like all other human activities there should be a balance between too
little and too much coitus. Too much indulgence could be harmful in
both the physical and psychological dimensions. Too little could be
similarly harmful. The law does not stipulate any particular
frequency. Each couple should find out for themselves what frequency
is sufficient to satisfy and protect, ihswaan,, them from sexual
corruption. Some jurists have argued that once every 4 days is the
ideal based on the reasoning that a man with 4 wives can rotate among
them in 4 days. Omar decreed that no soldier would be kept away from
his wife for longer than 6 months which perhaps sets the upper limit
of sexual deprivation.
Conditions in which Coitus is Forbidden
There are a few conditions in which coitus is prohibited for health or
religious reasons. Coitus with menstruating women is forbidden
(2:222). The same applies to women in the period of post-natal or
post-abortion bleeding, nifaas. Coitus is prohibited during the day
for fasting persons but is allowed at night (2:187). It is prohibited
at all times during the period of ihram in pilgrimage, hajj (2:197).
Coitus is forbidden in the mosque (2:187). A divorced woman is
required by law to stay in her former husband's home for 3 months. He
is prohibited from having sexual relations with her during this time
and if he does the divorce automatically lapses. There are disputes
about the permissibility of coitus with a lactating woman, ghayla. The
best opinion is that it is permissible. It is inconceivable that
sexual relations could be stopped for the period of 2 years that the
Qur'an recommends for breast-feeding.
Actions Prohibited in Sexual Ritual Impurity,Janabat
After coitus and before ritual bath, ghusl, the following acts are
forbidden: (a) reciting the Qur'an (KS p. 163), (b) prayer, salat, (c)
circumbulating the kaaba, tawaaf.
Adab of Sexual Conduct
Coitus is an act of love and not mere physical satisfaction. It should
be approached with that end in mind. Foreplay is a sunnat and it
allows both parties to be psychologically and physiologically
prepared. It is preferable that there is desire in both parties.
Preparation for coitus includes reciting the (KS p. 154) and a
supplication, dua, (MB# 1854, KS p. 155). There is no control of the
manner or postures of coitus provided it is vaginal (KS p. 154) and is
natural. Coitus interruptus ('azl) is permitted (KS p. 154). It is
considered offensive, makruh (KS p. 155). It can not done without the
permission of the wife (KS p. 155). Coitus with women is vaginal. Anal
intercourse is forbidden with both women and men (KS p. 155). It is
recommended to make wudhu if coitus is repeated. Ritual bath, ghusl,
is required after coitus. It has to be undertaken by mere contact of
the male and female genitalia even if no fluids were emitted.
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