Alhamdulillah, I am a convert to Islam and have been in the deen for
about 2 years. As of yet no one has explained to me about khalwa
between the sexes, interactions with women, the lawful and unlawful
interactions, dealings etc. that happen between sexes. Could you
please provide me with a very detailed response on these things as
this is a very confusing issue for me and when ever I am put in the
situation with women I have no idea what to do.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.
Praise be to Allah. May His peace and blessings shower upon our
beloved Messenger. May Allah reward you for seeking knowledge of His
deen.
In Islam, interactions between the sexes are permitted within certain
limits specified by the Quran and the Sunna. To some, these limits
might appear to be very strict. However, there is a divine wisdom
underpinning the limits set down by the Shariah. In adhering to the
boundaries set by the Sharia, we can uphold the Quranic command to the
believing men and women to be awliya of one another, or protecting
friends, while at the same time maintaining the modesty and purity of
heart that come from obeying Allah and His Messenger in this regard.
In brief, when interacting with a woman who is not a member of your
unmarriageable kin or your wife, you must avoid khalwa, or seclusion;
guard your gaze; and obviously, avoid any physical contact.
In more detail:
1. Khalwa takes place when one man or more than one man are alone with
one woman in a place where no one can see them or enter. If there are
two women and a man, for example, this is not khalwa. However, when
there is only one woman, this situation is considered as seclusion,
and becomes unlawful. Obviously, this is for the protection of the
woman and the man (or men) so that a situation will not arise where
the male becomes tempted and the woman possibly harmed.
If you are in a situation where you are in a room with two or more
women, this is not khalwa and there is no need for you to be
uncomfortable.
2. Guarding your gaze is a good practice that fosters modest
interaction between the sexes. The Quran commands both believing men
and women to guard their gaze. Unfortunately, many Muslims have lost
this practice. What guarding the gaze means is that you should refrain
from staring at a woman's face (if she's not a member of your
unmarriageable kin or your wife). It does not mean keeping one's eyes
glued to the ground. In Western societies, guarding one's gaze can
sometimes be interpreted as a lack of assertiveness or respect for the
other person. However, with Muslims, guarding one's gaze indicates
respect for the other person's space and modesty of intention. Our
scholars have said that looking at a woman's face is permitted in
certain occasions. For example, if you are seeking a woman in
marriage, it is permitted to look at her face. If you work in any type
of job that requires you to look at people and interact with them,
looking is permitted as long as you don't look with desire. If you are
a teacher, looking at your female students is permitted as long as you
don't look more than necessary or with desire. In short, be modest and
respectful.
3. According to the Shariah, where looking is not permitted, then
touching is also unlawful. This can be a sensitive topic for Muslims
living in the West where handshaking is commonplace and is considered
a polite thing to do. Shaking the hand of someone from the opposite
sex is unlawful. According to our scholars, the Prophet, peace be upon
him, never shook the hand of a woman who was not a member of his
unmarriageable kin or his wife. So you should do your utmost to avoid
shaking hands. But try to do it in a way that does not offend the
other person. For many non-Muslims, if you simply explain to them that
your religion (or culture) does not permit shaking hands and that you
mean no offense, then usually people are okay with that.
4. Covering the awrah or one's nakedness. Another requirement of
interaction between the sexes is that everyone should observe Islamic
modesty or covering the awrah. For men, this means covering what's
between the navel and the knee. For women, this means covering the
whole body except the face and hands. Obviously, this is possible in a
Muslim gathering. But there are very few places in this world where
you will encounter women who are always covered. Obviously, if you
live and work in the West, everyday you will see women who are not
properly covered. What you need to do here is to simply be modest,
behave respectfully, and avoid looking at women without need.
In conclusion, when you find yourself in a situation with women,
Muslim or otherwise, simply be modest and respectful. There is no
problem with talking to a member of the opposite sex or working with
that person when there is a need. As long as we adhere to these
boundaries, inshallah everything should be fine. There is no need to
be uncomfortable when there are women around. I have seen some Muslim
brothers who when they sight a woman or hear her voice, immediately
start scowling or act very tense. This is unnecessary. I have also
seen Muslim brothers who feel very comfortable chatting with
non-Muslim women, but as soon as a Muslim woman comes around, they
ignore her and won't even give salaams. This too is unnecessary and
looks very strange to the non-Muslim observers.
What's important to remember here is the example of our Prophet, peace
be upon him. He was modest, respectful, and kind to everyone. He also
interacted with women when there was a need to do so. He is the best
example for us.
I hope this is helpful to you.
And Allah alone gives success. And Allah knows best.
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