Thursday, October 31, 2013

Dought & clear, - Her mother wants her to marry one suitor, but her father thinks that he is not suitable; what should she do?

My Mum wants me to get married to someone who my Father thinks isnt
good for me and as you know men are the head of the family and I want
my dad to choose my life-partner than my mum so is this right?
Praise be to Allah.
Allah, may He be exalted, has given authority in the matter of
marriage to the man, so it is not permissible for a woman to arrange a
marriage for herself or for anyone else; rather her marriage must be
arranged by a wali or guardian. Women have nothing to do with
guardianship in marriage; rather that is only for men, and is
basically for the father, who takes precedence over others in
arranging the marriages of his daughters.
Imam Abu Bakr al-Qaffaal ash-Shaashi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The reason being – and Allah knows best –that women have a natural
inclination towards men and they are not able to judge people well,
and that could lead them to choose one who is not an appropriate
choice (for marriage),therefore Allah entrusted the woman's case, with
regard to her marriage, to her father. If the matter had been
entrusted to her, there would be the fear that she might marry someone
who is not compatible with her.
End quote from Mahaasin ash-Sharee'ah, 247. See also the answer to
question no. 2127
If the father has the right to guardianship in the case of marriage,
and the marriage contract cannot be done without him, then it is only
logical that his opinion should take precedence in the matter of
choosing a husband for his daughter, especially when he in most cases
will be better able to judge their character, thus he will be able to
find out about the suitor and reach the right conclusion.
But that does not mean that the mother has no say in choosing a
husband for her daughter; rather she should be consulted about the
matter and her opinion should be taken into consideration, because
perhaps it may be correct and some things may be apparent to her that
are not apparent to her husband.
To sum up:
The basic principle is that the father's opinion and choice takes
precedence over that of the mother, but that does not mean that the
mother's opinion should be ignored altogether; rather it should be
taken into consideration so so that she does not feel left out and to
convince her of the father's point of view, and that he is responsible
with regard to their daughter's marriage. Thus the choice is up to
your father, especially if he is known to be of sound reasoning, but
he should not make her feel left out; rather he should respect her
opinion.
And Allah knows best.

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