spending it all alone at home. Then I was maybe 14 years old. I know
it sounds funny... Oh that silly kids love. So one evening I got text
message from my friend. We started talking. In short time we became
best friends. It was fun, we talked a lot every single day. I felt so
happy. But I saw him just like friend nothing else. But after few
weeks I told to my best friend that maybe I like him. She started
laughing at me. I felt bad because my best friend told me that I'm
silly. She said "look at him, he is funny, he will always be just
friend forget that". From that moment everything changed. We stopped
talking. I didn't even thought about him anymore. We were just
friends. I never knew how he really felt about me. So time passed.
2012 the year that changed everything. It was September. We both were
part of exchange program. The trip started. We went to Germany. I had
such an amazing time. And there was this guy, my best friend now he's
older we are not little kids anymore. I felt something again. He felt
it too. It was party we walked away from everyone. It was so amazing
finally we were together.
He was holding my hands in his hands. It was start of something
beautiful. It was the last day in Germany, we were going home. The
night we stayed in Prague. All of our friends were having a party in
hotel.
We stayed in his room. I was so tired. But at the same time I was so
happy. Because I was in his arms, I felt his heart beating. That
evening I will remember forever. He kissed me for the first time.
Finally I knew that butterflies in your stomach really exsist. After
exhausting 24 hours in bus we were finally home. Everything was so
wonderful we were happy. Still not a couple, but I knew it was going
to happen. After few weeks in October 9th. My birthday came I was all
shining and happy. But strange thing, he didn't even said happy
birthday. I was little bit dissapointed. In the evening I was spending
time with my family we had my birthday dinner. Suddenly I got text
message from him saying "open the door". I opened the door and guess
what there is a lovely guy standing in rain with roses. I felt so
happy. Sadly he couldn't stay. My birthday was on Tuesday, but I had a
party on Friday with my friends.
We were having a really good time. He was at his friends birthday so I
didn't even thougt about seeing him that evening. Well my friends were
pretty funny. They took my phone and asked him to come. And afcourse
he did. That was amazing. And the best part was his gift, his
unplanned gift. He asked me to be his girlfriend. Oh God that was
amazing! But there was a little secret that no one knew about me. The
secret that always made me run from guys and made me to build a wall
that Would save me from falling in love. But he just broke that wall
and came into my life. I tried to stay with him but it was too hard
for me even that I loved him didn't helped. After a week I told him
that I can't do that. I knew I have to make something that he would
forget about me. And that I could forget him. So that's what I did, I
kissed with other guy in party and he saw that. I know his heart was
broken. Mine was broken too.
I loved him so much, but I hade to make him forget about me. So
everything happend how I planned we got into arguments... It was so
bad I couldn't handle it. I cried so much. But in few weeks I
convinced myself that I hate him. Everything seemed to be normal
again. We didn't talked at all. So Cristmas holidays was few days away
from here! I felt happy. We were sitting in cafè with my friends and
suddenly they started to talk about him. Something inside me just
blown up. I started crying. In the middle of cafè... I felt everything
again. It was so painful. I couldn't handle. After few weeks I finnaly
decided I have to tell him how I fell. We talked again I was happy
because he said " everythings fine I forgive you". I asked maybe we
could start again. He said yes. He said that he feels happy too. But I
didn't said nothing about my secret that was killing me. And suddenly
something strange happend. He said "oh I don't know if I want to start
everything again".
That evening when he told me that we were standing in the rain I was
crying. And you know what he told me that everythings will be fine, he
touched my face to make sure that there's no mote tears. He run trough
my hair with his fingers and huged me and that moment he said
"everythings gonna be alrigt". I was too emotional to tell him how I
felt. So I came home crying and wrote him letter. Even though I knew
he changed he wasn't that same guy I loved. I wrote everything, every
emotion was on that paper. I gave it to him. He didn't said nothing.
Just "it's really emotional. I know it's hard". I just felt so sad it
was killing me. After that we still talked. One evening I got a panic
attack because of my secret...
I thought that I will kill myself. But something in my mind said tell
him, tell him your secret. So I did. I told everything. My secret made
even him cry. I was sexualy abused when I was little girl. That's why
I always run. He invuted me to talk to him ne t day. I cried. I dont
know why but he started to talk about us. He had questions why. I had
same questions too. He said maybe someday everything will change.
After that we talked maybe few times. It seems that he forgot that I
exsit. Once he said he will be there forever. But that was a lie. He
was that simple guy that I loved with all my heart. But now he has a
lot of girls around him, that's why he said he doesn't want to be with
me anymore. I think about him every single day. Our friends say that
he was better person when he was with me, but what can I do? I hear
all the time that we are soulmates and that I'm love of his life from
his best friend, but that seems far far away from reality. And after
all I still believe that one day the guy that I love with all my heart
will comeback, will be the same guy who loved me an told me that he
never leave.
No comments:
Post a Comment