thatI had a daughter, and I hoped that she would seek reward with
Allaah by raising her, but I was shocked to find that she treats my
daughter badly, and she torments her. On one occasion shemade her fall
to the ground, and she injured her face -- she was two years old --
and she always threatens her because the girl cannot control herself
when sheneeds the bathroom. As a result of that, it generated hatred
and resentment towards her in my heart, and I have divorced her twice.
I have a son from her whois 1½ years old. I can no longer put up with
her bad treatment of my daughter, especially since I am far away
frommy family, and my mother is elderly and does not have the strength
to raise my daughter. Her mother left her with me when she was three
months old. Today I came home and she said to me: I burnt your
daughter's leg and stomach with a spoon that I heated on the fire, so
that she will learn to go to the bathroom by herself andnot -- excuse
me -- relieve herself in other rooms. I am fed up and all of my life
is worry and fear for my daughter, who is now 4½ years old. I can no
longer trust this woman,but I'm thinking of this poor child (my son).
Please tell me what the Islamic teachings are and advise me, may
Allaah bless you. I have suffered, and am mentally and physically ill
as a result of this.
Praise be to Allaah.
It seems that the series of sufferings that you are facing with this
woman will continue, and the list of her bad deeds will grow longer.
Her bad treatment of your little girl will never know any limit; if
your daughter was an animal it would not be permissible for her to
dowhat she has done to her.
We are certain that if your son from her were to suffer as your
daughter is suffering because of not being able to go to the bathroom
by himself, you would not see him being treated as badly asshe is
treating your daughter. This -- unfortunately -- happensa lot with the
wives of fathers, and many, both male and female, suffer from this.
What we advise you to do is:
You must deal with the matter seriously and quickly, try to instil a
sense of love, mercy and compassion in her heart,in the hope that she
will stop what she is doing. Ifyou succeed in doing that, then you
will have achieved what you wantand she will still be your wife.
If you do not succeed, then you have no choice but divorce. We do not
advise you to be hardhearted and harsh, because that will only make
her more cruel towards your daughter, and she will find more ways to
harm her, whilstconcealing the evidence of her misdeeds. Hence ifshe
does not respond to you and change her behaviour, and mend her ways in
response to kindness and persuasion, there is no solution that will
put an end to your suffering except divorce, sooner rather than later.
You are aware of your daughter's suffering, and you hear her cries,
and you see the injury toher face and the burns on her leg and
stomach, yet despite that you're still confused because you have a son
from her.So how would it be if there were more children then?! But we
will not hide anything from you, and we will tell you frankly that
witha woman such as this, whom you have divorced twice yet it has not
stopped her wrongdoing and aggression, there is no hope for much good
in her, and it cannot be expected that she will bekind to your
daughter, because mercy cannot be instilled by means of threats or
warnings in the heart of one whom Allaah has deprived of it.
If you think of divorcing her for a third time, or she sees signs of
that in you, do not leave your daughter with her, rather leave her
with one of your relatives or with trustworthy women among your
neighbours or friends, because she might try to take revenge on her
because of your divorcing her. We do notknow how you are going to deal
with the matter, because women vary, hence we are afraid that she may
do something to your daughter. With such women there is no regret in
separating from them.
We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and worry, and to reward you
for your calamity, and replace it with good from Him.
And Allaah knows best.
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