friends give warmth and meaning to our lives, keep us strong and
fulfilled, make us feel loved and wanted, help us grow, struggle and
stay the course of an unpredictable and at times unkind life. In
Islam, Allaah requires us to revere the womb and the relation-ships
that emanate from it.
Allaah the Almighty imposes on us to save not only our-selves butour
family from the Punishment—which means that a good family can help us
evade the Fire of a miserable eternity, just as a bad one can lead us
into it.
Allaah Says (what means): "O you who believe! Save yourselves and your
families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones." [Quran 66:6]
But intimacy, closeness, frequent interaction and mutual dependence
that dose family and friends share can lead to the exact opposite of
the beautiful things enumerated above. Warmth of love in a family can
turn into a hell of envy, bonds of blood can become spilling of blood,
search for fulfillment can become thirst for humiliating others, and
support in tough times can turn into hatred and rivalry even in good
times. It happens when the members of a family do not possess the
right values and attitude. Satan, the worst enemy of mankind, loves
none of his snares more than sowing hatred within believing families
and friends. The excessive individualism of modern times as well as
timelessignorance and selfishness can replace the love of families and
bonds of friendship with hatred and bad blood.
Unfortunately, today we find some people that quickly denounce and
desert family members only because they forgot to invite them to the
last get together. We can find family members who actually live
door-to-door and refuse to even share the greeting amongst them when
they met face to face.The reason? Each one claims that the other
should initiate the first visit and "why should I be the one to go
knock on their door? Plus, I got ill the other day and they did not
even bother to stop by and see how I was doing!" Oh, does it hurt to
hear these `arguments.' It makes us understand the words of the
Messenger of Allaah that Satan runs through the blood stream of the
son of Aadam. The saddest thing is that their children were told to
never speakto their relatives or even approach their door. It rips
hearts inside out to even think about it.
Severing relation has become a threatening epidemic that has found its
way into many Muslim families. Have we forgotten the tremendous value
of Ar-Raheem? Have we become completely unmindful and oblivious of its
significance? Or is it that our selfishness and self-centeredness has
gotten the best of us?
But, before we go further, let us define the word raheem.
The word in Arabic is extracted from rahem which literally refers to
the womb; the latter has been the abode of every human being before
they came out to this world except for Aadam and Hawwaa (Eve). Islamic
scholar Ar-Raghib Al-Asfahaani said,"Ar-Rahem is the womb of the
mother, and it stands for family ties knowing that it was the first
source from which they were produced" In Islamic terminology, Ar-Rahem
means family bonds and relations, something we refer to in English as
kinship relationships.
The Messenger enlightens us on the noble position of rahem through a
powerful allegory in a hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah : "Allaah
created all the creation, and when He finished, ar-rahem (the womb)
got up and pleaded to Allaah, where-upon Allaah said to it, "What is
the matter?" It said: "At this place, I seek your refuge from those
who sever me (cut offties of kinship)." Allaah said,"Yes, will you
not be satisfied if I bestow My favors on him who keeps your ties, and
withhold My favors from him who severs your ties;" Upon this, it said,
"Yes, O my Lord!" Allaah said, "Then that is for you". (Al-Bukhaari)
This hadeeth lays out the very foundation of kin-ship, emphasizing its
importance as well as the ramifications of' severing kinship ties.
Ar-Rahem is a noun that encompasses all the relatives from the
father's and the mother's sides. Islamic scholar Al-Qurtubi said,
"Generally speaking, ar-rahem has a broad and a particular meaning.
The broad one includes all the believers and that is ar-rahem of
religion, then there is the one pertaining to all relatives of any
person from the father's and the mother's sides which is the one
concerning us in this issue. Knowthat each one of them has a number of
due rights over you. Allaah revealed this verse regarding ar-rahem,
which many Muslims throughout the world recognize, since they hear it
everyFriday from their Imaams as part of the introduction of the
khutbah (which means): "And fear Allaah through Whom you ask one
another; and the wombs." [Quran 4: l]
Silah, which literally means connecting, is used often in conjunction
with rahem, and so silat ar-rahem means to join the ties of kinship by
treating one's relatives fairly and compassionately.
On top of the list of these relations come our parents, who have
sacrificed much of their livesto make us strong and worthy human
beings. Then come our brothers and sisters with whom we shared the
same womb, and then our grand parents along with all the other family
members including our uncles, aunts and cousins from both the paternal
and maternal sides.
Our kin's rights over us
Every member of our family has rights over us. These rights differ
from one person to another. For instance, the mother stands higher
than the aunt and the grandfather is most definitely above the brother
in law.
Some of the rights our next of kinhas on us are: To maintain a good
relationship with them by showing respect, love and sympathy. Be there
for them when they need you. Go visit them at times of sickness and be
a good support at times of tribulations. Share with them glorious
moments. Let them in on all your good news. Buy them gifts and
congratulate them on 'Eed days. Help them financially during harsh
times. When Allaah revealed the verse (which means): "You will not
attain pietyuntil you spend from that which is beloved to you". [Quran
3: 93] Abu Talhah said, "The most beloved to me of my wealth is
Bayrahaa' (a garden), and I am giving it as a charity for Allaah, I
yearn for its reward from Allaah. O Messenger of Allaah, spend it
asyou see fit according to what Allaah has shown you." The Messenger
said, "Bakhin! (an expression of amazement) That indeed is a
profitable trade. I have heard what you said, and I recommend that you
spend it on your kin." Abu Talhah responded,"O Messenger of Allaah, I
will do so." And Abu Talhah indeed gave it away to his relatives.
Spending on kinship has become a neglected responsibility, to the
point that you can easily find people who will invite a friend to a
classy restaurant and never spend a dime on their cousin. They offer
valuable gifts and evenmoney to their peers and co-workers while their
parents are in dire situations. This brings to mind the event of
Musteh whowas Abu Bakr's cousin and also among those who fell into the
error of slandering his (Abu Bakr's) daughter, the mother of the
believers, 'Aaishah in the famous incident of 'ifk (lie). This made
Abu Bakr so furious that he took an oath he would never again give
charity to Musteh. Following this incident Allaah the Almighty sent
down a number of verses attesting to theinnocence of the mother of the
believers, but among them was also this magnificent verse (which
means): "And let not those among you who are blessed with graces and
wealth swear not to give (any sort of help) to their kinsmen, and the
poor, and those who left their homes for Allaah's cause. Let them
pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allaah should forgive you?
And Allaah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful." [Quran 24:22]
Upon hearing this beautiful verse,the noble companion Abu Bakr said,
"Yes we love!"(meaning yes O Allaah, we love that you forgive us) Then
he resumed his spending on Musteh. Let us all pause and look deep into
this verse and reflect upon its limitless wisdom, and see how Allaah
the Lord of the worlds guided to Abu Bakr charity tohis kin, even when
this person had falsely slandered his daughter!
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