Salamu alaykum. I am 22 years now and I was brought up in the West. I
have needed a wife for 10 years now as there is so much fitnah in the
Western societies. I hate the process of finding a wife because I
never findanyone suitable or if I getin touch with someone suitable
)not directly obviously(, the process takes so long time and they say
that they are notready or similar things soI have to drop it. I feel
the pain in my whole body and especially in myheart every single day
because I do not have a wife. I am financially able, I have a degree
andafter taking my degree I moved to the Islamic world for studying
Islam. But I am not able to focusor do anything rightly because my
body and soul deeply hurts me and I suffer from depression because I
am not married. I have tried through websites and through people I
know, and my parents cannot really help me either. Theonly problem is
the pain Ifeel, I do not know if I amable to live much longer.
Sometimes I feel like I will just fall apart or evendie very soon
because I am not married and cannot handle it anymore. Now I am
thinking that I should maybe just wait for Jannah because there I can
have a wife without going through all the suffering of finding a wife.
Should I just forget about finding a wife in this dunyah and just
waitfor my wife in Jannah? This will be extremely painful for me until
I die, but I feel this maybe is the only option. Please advice me.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad,
is His Slave and Messenger.
Allaah The Almighty has prescribed and encouraged marriage, and spoken
of its high status. So did the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah.
Allaah The Almighty says )what means(: }And marry the unmarried among
you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If
they should be poor, Allaah will enrich them from His bounty, and
Allaah is All-Encompassing and Knowing.{ ]Quran 24:32[
Also,Anasnarrated that the Messenger of Allaah, said: "And I marry
women. Whoever overlooks my Sunnah does not belong to me."
]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
Scholars have pointed out the benefits of marriage. Az-Zaad )a book of
the Hanbali School of jurisprudence( reads: "Marriage is more
preferable than voluntary acts of worshipif one is under the pressure
of sexual desire."Al Buhootiexpained this statement in his Ar-Rawdh
Al-Murbi' saying: "For it contains many benefits such as guarding
chastity of man and woman, getting progeny and increasing the Ummah
)Muslim nation(." ]End quote[
Marriage is one of the means that help reforming one's religion,
getting rewards and entering Paradise.Abu Hurayrahnarrated that the
Messenger of Allaah, said: "When a man dies, all his deeds come to an
end except for three – an ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge or a
righteous son who will pray for him." ]Muslim[
Moreover, marriage may be compulsory for one who fears committing Zina
)adultery or fornication(. In any case, a Muslim should not neglect it
while he is financially and physically able. Accordingly, you should
know that you arenot required to - not to mention you are not
obligated to - give up looking for a wife in this worldly life and to
wait for a wife in Paradise.
We have previously pointed out the ways to find a good wife, kindly
refer to Fataawa 85573, 85082and 193859. We advise you not to
despairof getting what you seek,but we warn against going extreme
regardingthe characteristic of the wife you seek for, lest you will
waste your lifetime in vain.
Finally, we advise you to seek the help of Allaah, and do not feel
helpless. Rather, search for the means that can help youraim, like
having righteous friends who can help you regarding the matters of
religion and worldly life; especially, it seems that you need much
psychological support and you need those who can stand beside you so
that you may achieve your aims.
Allaah Knows best.
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