It is certainly inside me, but I have not felt it for so long now. In
fact, I do not know when, where or even how it happened. What I know
now is that I do not feel it. I have lost it. It was inside me. I
truly felt it. Nevertheless, it has died.
I remember when it was alive and energetic. I felt then that I was
alive. Whenever I came to do an act of obedience, my living heart was
full of joy and happiness. However, now it is completely darkened by
acts of disobedience and covered with drapes that never allow light to
penetrate it.
Ibn Al-Qayyim said,
The sick heart is a heart with both life and illness. The former
sustains it at one moment, the latter atanother, and it follows
whichever of the two that manages to dominate it. It has love for
Allaah, belief in Him, sincerity towards Him and reliance upon Him and
these are what give it life. It also has a craving for desires,
preferring them and striving to experience them. It is full of envy,
arrogance, self-conceit, love of superiority and tendency to cause
corruption on earth which can lead to its owndestruction. It is
motivated by two callers: one calling it to Allaah, His Prophet and
the Last Day; and the other calling it to this worldly life. It
responds to whichever of the two that happens to be closer. That sick
heart wavers between its safety and its ruin.
Nevertheless, I did not surrender. I did not feel comfortable with my
heart wavering between light and darkness. I do not know whether my
self loves darkness or is fond of light. Wavering between these two
can make a person feel mad. Once he reaches the highest degree of
obedience and closeness to Allaah. As such he feels as if everything
is all right and that he will remain straight. Nevertheless, darkness
soon calls him and drags him to its circle. As such one can not flee
from thecustody of darkness. In fact, he falls into the traps of
disobedience and moves down to the deepest degrees in challenging
Allaah The Almighty. Then he regains consciousness after having been
dumbfounded by the horrible fall and gravity of being away from Allaah
The Almighty. Therefore, he quickly moves to Allaah The Almighty
asking Him to save him from darkness.
While one wavers between this and that, hegives free hand to himself
leaving it to drag him to darkness. Meanwhile, his reason calls him to
stand up, to wake up before it is too late! But he does nothingto save
himself. Rather, he keeps on falling and falling and falling…
When he reaches the bottom, it is as if he does not feel his heart. He
killed it by his own hand. He no longer feels the pain of disobedience
or the sweetness of obedience. He lost the ability to feel anything
around him. He even lost the taste of life itself.
My heart died
He shouted loudly with a cry that echoed around the place, "My heart
died.It no longer feels anything. Can the dead come to life again? Can
it come back? How can it, when it is lifeless? How can it, when I have
killed it by my own hand?"
Ibn Al-Qayyim said,
The opposite of the healthy heart is the dead heart. It neither knows
its Lord nor worships Himaccording to what He commands, loves and
approves. It clings instead to its lusts and desires, even if these
are likely to incur the displeasure of Allaah and His wrath. It is
enslaved to other than Allaah The Almighty in terms of love,fear,
hope, satisfaction, dissatisfaction, exaltationand humbleness.
He loves, hates, gives andwithholds motivated by his personal desires.
His personal desires are preferable and dearer to him than the
satisfaction of Allaah. He is led by passion, motivated by lust,
driven by ignorance and carried by heedlessness. His heart is immersed
in its concern with worldly objectives. His heart is drunk with itsown
fancies and love for this worldly life. It is called to Allaah The
Almighty and the Last Dayfrom a distance but it does not respond to
advice, and instead it follows any scheming, cunning devil. Life
angersand pleases it, and passion makes it deaf and blind to anything
except what is evil. - - ▓███▓ Translator:->
http://translate.google.com/m/ ▓███▓ - -
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