a Turkish girl, twenty-one years old, and I live in Germany. Although
my family are not religiously committed, I am trying – praise be to
Allah – to adhere to the teachings of Islam. But despite thatthere are
many problems between me and my family, because they object to me
adhering to religious observances such as wearing hijab and so on.Now
I want to get married to an Afghan man who is also religiously
committed. I told my father about that, but he is a fanatic
nationalist, and he rejected this marriage, and he beat me for this
reason. I can no longer put up with it and my mother cannot help me,
because she is very afraid of my father. We have been waiting for a
year, and he has not agreed to the marriage yet. During this period we
committed zina, and we do not know what todo. We feel distraught, and
we want to get married, but we cannot do that without my father's
agreement. Hence I do not know what to do. Is it permissible to get
married without the consent of the girl's father?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
We are very surprised when you say that you are trying to adhere to
the teachings of Islam, then we see that you have squandered the most
precious thing a girl possesses after her religious commitment, which
is her chastity andhonour! How could you accept to sink to such a
level and commit this evil action?! How could you have surrendered
your honour to be violated by a stranger (non-mahram)? Does thefact
that your family does not agree to marriage to a particular man make
it permissible for you to fall into zina and commit this grave major
sin?!
We are also surprised by a religiously committed man who tempted you
to commit this evil action, or who fell into this evil action with
you. To be honest, we do not know what religious commitment is in your
opinion!
What you must do now is repent sincerely from what you have done. That
requires you to regret what has happened, to resolve notto commit such
a sin again, and to cut off ties completely with that evildoer and
sinner. It is not permissible for you to talk to him or correspond
with him, letalone meet him. This is what is required by sincere
repentance which Allah, may He be exalted, has enjoined upon the
sinners, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Turn to Allah with sincere repentance! It may be
that your Lord will remit from you your sins, and admit you into
Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise)…"
[at-Tahreem 66:8].
Secondly:
You should understand that the action that you have both committed has
made it haraam for you to marry, even if your father agrees to
themarriage. That is because Allah, may He beexalted, has prohibited
marriage of the man andwoman who commit zina, unless they both repent.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If a woman commits zina, it is not permissiblefor the one who is aware
of that to marry her, unless two conditions are met:
1. That her 'iddah has ended; if she became pregnant as a result
of zina, then her 'iddah ends when she gives birth, and it is not
permissible to marry her before that.
2. That she should repent from zina.
He also said:
If these two conditions are met, it is permissible for her to marry
the zaani or someone else, according to most of the scholars,
including Abu Bakr, 'Umar, Ibn 'Umar, Ibn 'Abbaas, Jaabir, Sa'eed ibn
al-Musayyab, Jaabir ibn Zayd, 'Ata', al-Hasan, 'Ikrimah, az-Zuhri,
ath-Thawri, ash-Shaafa'i, Ibn al-Mundhir, and ashaab ar-ra'y. End
quote.
Al-Mughni, 7/108, 109
We have previously discussed the ruling on this matter in the answers
to the followingquestions: 11195 , 85335 , 96460 , 87894 and 14381
Therefore, if Allah enables you to repent sincerely from this obvious
sin and immoralaction, then it will be possible for you to marrythis
man, if you think that he has repented sincerely too, and if you can
convince your fatheror he (the man) can try to win him over. If that
is not possible, then perhaps Allah will give you someone better than
him instead.
Thirdly:
With regard to parents and guardians in general, we advise them:fear
Allah with regard tothe girls under your care, and do not do anything
that you will regret afterwards for the rest of your lives, when
regret will not benefit you. "If there comes to you one with whose
religious commitment and character you are pleased, then give (your
daughter or female relative under your care)to him in marriage."
Thisis the advice of your Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him). "For if you do not do that, there will be tribulations on
earth and much corruption," as it says in the rest of the hadeeth. So
if someone comes to you, wanting to marry your daughter or sister, do
not put obstacles in his path; do not give precedence to
language,nationality, race or colour over religious commitment. Do not
give the Shaytaan any opportunity to cause your daughters and female
relatives to fall into his traps. Beware lest the Shaytaan tempt them
to do two serious things, two grave sins, namely zina or marrying
without a wali (guardian) one who came to propose marriage to her and
wasrejected by you, becausethat (marrying without awali) makes the
marriage contract invalid. Here you have seen the real-life story that
is mentioned in this question; the girl ended up committing zina
withthe man who had proposed to her, and now she is asking about
getting married without the permission of her wali. This is not an
excuse for her, but what will your excuse be before your Creator when
He calls you to account for the trust thatHe commanded you to take
care of? What will be your excuse before Allah when you rejected a
religiously-committed man who wanted to marry your daughter or your
sister in accordancewith the Qur'an and Sunnah?
We are not making any excuse for that girl who has committed a grave
sin; if she gets married without the permission of her wali, then her
marriage will be invalid. But at the same time, weare blaming the
guardians who do not fear their Lord, may He be exalted, and who
neglected that which was entrusted to them.
We also say to the girl: It may be better for you if your family
reject some of those who want to propose to you, if they think that
this is better with regard to your religious commitment and your
worldly affairs,so you should not insist on a particular person.
Guardians who prevent their daughters or female relatives from getting
married at all are sinning, and in that situation she may refer her
case to the shar'i judge or whoever is acting in his stead, so that
guardianship may be passed to someone other than that guardianwho is
refusing to arrange her marriage. If there is no one else who is
deserving of guardianship, then the shar'i judge or whoever is acting
in his stead then assumes the role of guardian (wali) and he may
arrange her marriage himself. But if a woman does the marriage
contract for herself without any guardian (wali) at all, then her
marriage contract is invalid.
For more information onthis matter, see the following questions: 7193
, 10196 , 36209 , 2127 and 7989 .
In the questions referredto there is a discussion of the evidence for
the marriage contract being invalid if it is done without the consent
of the guardian (wali), as well as a discussion of what the woman
should do if her guardian (wali)is preventing her from getting
married, and so on.
See also the answer to question no. 20162 for the stories of some
women who went against their families' opinions and married the men
they wanted to marry.
And Allah knows best. - - ▓███▓ Translator:->
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