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▬▬ - I have a brother wife Who has no respect for any-one
even her husband and I live with them - can I say something to her to
change her attitude . If she refuses, what shall I do?
Do I give her Slam. Jazaka Allah Khira.
Praise be to Allaah.
A kind word opens the doors to people's hearts and removes enmity from
them, and tolerance, forgiveness and sincerity restore love between
people. When a person speaks a kind word and turns a blind eye to bad
treatment, he earns people's respect and makes the one who has done
something bad apologize for his bad behaviour or stop persisting in
it. Undoubtedly some people may choose a way of dealing with people
that they themselves would not like to be dealt with, andthey think
that being tough and confrontational is what will make people
respectthem. When a person insists on persisting in sin, and faces
harsh criticism, he finds himself lost in a vicious circle of hatred
and revenge, so he can no longer tell right from wrong or true from
false. So nobody can advise him, because whatever is said is takenas
the opening of a confrontation or a continuation of enmity, and he is
always watching and waiting for trouble. It is safer in this case to
think about how we are going to deal with such a person, so we leave
him alone for a while, trying to calm his fears of criticismand being
called to account. We use some kind words, gentleness and smiles to
make him feel that we forgive him and care about him. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"… Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e., Allaah ordered the
faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse
those who treat them badly), then verily! He between whom and you
there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. But
none is granted it (the above quality), except those who are patient,
and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of
happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise, and in this world of a
high moral character)."[Fussilat 41:35]
Leaving the person alone does not mean cutting all ties and refraining
from returning greetings or talking to him; what it does mean is
avoiding mixing with him so that we give him the opportunity to
prepare himself to accept advice. Then we can start by mentioning his
good points and saying what good things we wish for him and the hopes
we have for him. Then we can give him advice (naseehah) in an
appropriate manner, without hurting his feelings, offending him or
boring him. We should do this in the hope of earning reward from
Allaah, and with patience and tolerance. From our behaviour and good
treatment we should set an example tothe one whom we wish to advise.
We should listen to the direction given by Allaah to His Messenger
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, andturn away from the foolish
(i.e., don't punishthem)."[al-A'raaf 7:199]
Rushing to condemn andcriticize without lookingfor the appropriate
moment usually leads to the opposite of the desired results. Humility
and a gentle approach lifts barriers and removes aggression and
hostility. According to a saheeh hadeeth narrated by 'Ayaad (may
Allaah be pleased with him), the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah has revealed to me that
you should be so humblethat no one oppresses another or boasts to
another." (Reported by Muslim, 2865).
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