- Translator:: http://translate.google.com/m/ - ●◄ ►● - > Dear
shaykh, I arranged my son's marriage last year, and the expenses were
huge. I spent a great deal and my husband swore that he would not pay
any more costs, but I had not finished buying everything that was
needed for the marriage. My husband's money was with me and I do not
have any moneyof my own. So I had no choice but to take some money
from my husband's money that was with me, without his knowledge, and I
could not tell him. But byAllah, all I took I spent onthe costs of the
marriage. Now I do not know what to do? Am I asinner?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
The father is obliged to help his son remain chaste by means of
marriage, especially if heasks him to do that and he has the need and
desire for it, so as to protect him from temptation and to maintain
his chastity.
See the answers to questions no. 83191 and 87983
Secondly:
One should be moderate with regard to marriage expenses and not go
beyond the bounds of moderation; the spending should not reach the
level of extravagance and wastefulness as is common among people
nowadays.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said:
Your spending half a million riyals on your daughter's marriage comes
under the heading of extravagancethat is forbidden and there is the
fear that youmay incur punishment because of that unless you repent to
Allah, may He be exalted, and give up this extravagance, because
wealth belongs to Allah, may He be exalted, and people are entrusted
with it. Islam has set out guidelines onhow to handle this wealth and
has forbidden extravagance and wastefulness. Allah, may He be exalted,
says (interpretation of the meaning): "And those, who, when they
spend, are neither extravagant nor miserly, but hold a medium (way)
between those (extremes)" [al-Furqaan 25:67].
What is meant is: do not be extravagant by overstepping the limits of
generosity and spending on sinful things, and do not be miserly in
spending; Rather be in between that, i.e., between extravagance and
miserliness; adopt a middle path.
End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa'imah, 16/220-221
Thirdly:
It is not permissible for awoman to spend her husband's wealth
exceptwith his permission, unless he is stingy towards her and her
children and does not fulfil his duty towards Allah by spending on
their maintenance as obliged. In that case it is permissible for her
to take from his wealth whatever is sufficient forher and her
children, on a reasonable basis.
See the answer to question no. 150250
If the husband has not been miserly towards hisson with regard to his
marriage and has spent on him in a reasonable manner, without being
stingy but in accordance with his financial situation, it is not
permissible for you to take anything from his wealth, even if it is to
spend on your son's marriage.
You mentioned that you had spent a great deal on this marriage. If
whathad been spent was sufficient for what is customary for someone
like your son, then he does not have the right to anything more than
that and what you took was a transgression against your husband's
wealth.
If it was in line with what is usually spent on marriage in your
country, for people of similar standing to you, then you have the
right to make up the costs for your son's marriage in a way that will
not adversely affect his father's wealth or be unfair to him.
What you must do is pay attention to the rights ofAllah to this wealth
and to the rights of your husband who is the owner of this wealth, as
well as the sanctity of the oath that he swore and what is in the best
interests of your other children.
You also have to repent and ask for forgiveness, and you have to tell
yourhusband what you did and ask him to forgive you and let you off.
But if you think it most likely that your relationship will be
adversely affected or that your husband will get angry and there will
be problems between you, then you do not have to tell him. With regard
to the extra money that you spent, if you have money of your own from
a salary, inheritance or the like, then you should pay back from your
wealth what you took from your husband's wealth without his
permission.
If you do not have any wealth, then repent to Allah and ask for His
forgiveness for that, andstrive to treat your husband kindly as much
as you can and pay attention to his rights, inthe hope that Allah will
forgive you and set things straight between you.
And Allah knows best.
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