If a person does not control himself in critical situations and
surrenders to the dictates of anger and strong agitation, he will find
himself consuming an enormous quantity of his inner energy, which is
supposed to be exploited in the process of construction, education,
teaching, constructive dialogue, developing the skills of the children
and enjoying a quiet everyday life. This kind of life is full of
worshiping Allaah The Almighty, reciting the Quran, good companionship
inside the family, helping people and even removing harmful objects
from the road.
Come and take the following steps towards anger management:
- Always remind yourself that uncontrollable anger is one of the
features of weakness in the upbringing process, whereas curbing and
managing anger as well as acting fairly with the children while in
this state, represents the apex of the strength and positivity of the
person who assumes the upbringing process and it is a meritorious
quality distinguishing the righteous slaves of Allaah The Almighty. It
was narrated on the authority of Ibn 'Umar that the Prophet said:
"There is no dose that is more rewarded by Allaah The Almighty than a
dose of anger that a slave restrains for His sake." [Ibn Maajah]
[Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
- At the moment of anger when you feel that an ember is burninginside
you, start counting from one to ten before uttering any word and ask
yourself this question, "What should I say nowto make my child benefit
from this situation?"
- Review the situation that sparked your anger because of your child
and rethink the motives behind such acts. For instance, your child
spilled a cup of milk on his clothes during breakfast because he was
trying to be independent and he did notintend to annoy you. Your
agitation in this situation prevents him from trying to do this again
successfully.
- Express what you feel to your child while you are angry and address
him with strong words that take him to a higher level of behavior,
which you were expecting of him. An angry father, for example, may
say,"Son, I was angry about your misbehavior yesterday when you came
home late. I was expecting you to be aware of the proper time when you
should return home which I previously set for you."
- Use the method of neglect and temporary desertion. You might not
talk with your child for long hours or answer his questions with
lengthy speech. Show no concern for him till the blaze of anger dies
down, taking into account the level of strictness in doing so. Surely,
you will realize that this method is very fruitful inguiding the child
compared to the other methods that you might resort to when you are
angry.
- Remember that lowering your voice while talking to children helps
you feel less angry and demonstrates your ability to control yourself
and control them. If the child sees that you have lost control of your
temper, this portrays you as a weak person, and he will imitate your
weakness or take advantage of it.
- You can use written messages to express your refusal of some of your
children's requests or behavior. This is an efficient way that can be
used with all people; like spouses, friends and children.That is
because we think more wisely, analytically, and rationally when we
write than when we improvise decisions, judgments and reprimands.
Also, agitation cannot be conveyed through writing as clearly as
through speaking. By doing so, you will certainly notice that the
intensity of our anger and the anger of ourchildren will decrease.
- Seek the help of Allaah The Almighty in carrying out your decisions
and always remember the advice of the Prophet "Do not get angry." Use
the methods that the Prophet instructed us to do in order to resist
anger, such as making ablution, taking abath, changing one's position
from standing to sitting and from sitting to lying down, and
frequently seeking refuge with Allaah The Almighty from the accursed
Satan.
Finally, whoever is assuming the upbringing process, remember the following:
Successful management of one's agitation and anger is real strength.
The Prophet taught us, saying: "A strong person is not the one who
overpowers others; rather, a strong person is the one who controls
himself at the time of anger." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
It also means caring for others, looking for right solutions to change
the children's unacceptable behavior, and determination to succeed in
your upbringing duty without severingthe strong bonds which connect
you together.
Raging anger remains a negative and destructive force in which the
child's response comes out artificial and temporary because it
occurred due to fear or the desire to assuage anger and its
consequences. It does not change the reality of the child for the
better, but often aggravates it.
Now, start immediately and decide that: "From now on, therewill be no
more violence or angerwith our children – Allaah willing." - -
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