Etiquettes related to gatherings

Introduction
Every religion and culture, besides a number of other things, have
their own distinct set of customs, traditions and etiquettes. In fact,
one of the important distinguishing features between one nation and
one tribe and another has generally been its distinct set of customs,
traditions and etiquettes.The nation or tribe formed by the followers
of the prophets and messengers of Allaah is no exception. In the
formation of this group, the prophets of Allaah may Allaah exalt their
mention directed their followers to conform to aparticular set of
etiquettes, which would distinguish them as a nation of the followers
ofAllaah's prophets.
However, because the basic objective of all prophetic teachings is to
cleanse the human mind, body and soul from all that has the potential
of defiling it, the customs and etiquettes for this group of people
have also been fixed and promoted with the same target in perspective.
In this article we will focus on the etiquette in Islam that is
related to gatherings.
Etiquettes related to gatherings
Ibn `Umar reported: "The Messenger of Allaah said: "Do not ask someone
to give up his seat in order to take it, but make accommodation wide
and sit at ease.''" It was Ibn `Umar's habit that if a person left his
seat for him, he would not take it. (Al-Bukhaari and Muslim).
Herein, we are told that the space of meeting should be wide enough to
accommodate every participant. None should feel the space problem.
Good manners disallow a newcomer to get a seat vacated for himself by
force, no matter if the occupant is an inferior. Yet, there is nothing
undesirable if the latter willingly vacates the seat for a superior.
Ibn `Umar would never agree to availing even a willing offer in this
respect. Obviously fear of Allaah and moral scruples lay behind his
reluctance to take the place of somebody else. Yet, thereare a few
exceptions in this regard. For example, if somebody sits in the chair
of his teacher, he may be asked to leave it. Also if a man has fixed
place in the market to sellhis goods, another person will not be
justified in occupying it forcibly.
Abu Hurayrah reported that the Messenger of Allaah said: "If someone
leaves his seat(for one reason or another) and returns to it, he is
better entitled to it.'' (Muslim)
Jaabir Ibn Samurah reported: "Whenever we came to the gathering of
the Prophet we would sit down at the end (of the assembly)." (Abu
Daawood).
This narration throws light on social etiquette. Suppose, if somebody
comes to participate in a meeting or was invited to a gathering, he
shouldnot behave in a rustic manner by crossing over the heads of the
sitting people. Nor should he attempt to forcibly put himself in the
place of another person, rather he should sit in any open spot even if
it was at the end rows or the back of the room.
Salmaan Al-Faarisi reported that the Messenger of Allaah said: "If a
man takes a bath on Friday, purifies himself thoroughly wears any
perfume which is available in the house, sets forth for the mosque,
does not (forcibly) sit between two persons, offers the prayer that is
prescribed for him and listens to the Imaam silently, his sins between
this Friday and the previous Friday will be forgiven.'' (Al-Bukhaari).
This hadeeth highlights the following important points:
1. To take a bath on Friday is a matter of commendation. Some
scholars (rightfully) adopt that it is a mandatory act.
2. One is recommendedto take it in the morning or before going to
the mosque to offer prayer.
3. On this occasion the use of perfume is preferable.
4. There is a mention ofgood manners. Instead ofcrossing over the
heads of worshippers, one should try to locate an open space and sit
there. To thrust oneself between two sitting persons looks awkward.
5. Entry into the mosque should be followed by the performance of
a two Rak`ah prayer, even if the Imaam is delivering Khutbah (speech).
6. An attempt should be made to offer voluntary prayer before the
Khutbah, if time permits.
7. Complete silence should be observed during the Khutbah to the
point that one is not allowed to say to request another person to be
silent, if one does not want to loose reward.
8. If a man offers his Friday prayer by observing the said
conditions and prerequisites, his week-long sins will be forgiven by
Allaah. But these are exclusively minor sins. As regards major grave
sins, the sinner will not be forgiven by Allaah unless he sincerely
repents fromthe sins. Similarly, a man's failure to do his duties
towards his fellow-Muslim brothers or sisters, in case he has wronged
them in anyway, will not be pardoned unless he is forgiven by them.
Some will ask: 'What should I do if I want to sitbetween two people?'
`Amr Ibn Shu`ayb on the authority of his father and grandfather
reported: ''The messenger of Allaah said: "It is not permissible for a
person to sit between two people without their permission.''
(At-Tirmithi).
This Hadeeth tells us that a man is forbidden to push himself between
two sitting persons unless they themselves allow him to do that.
Huthayfah Ibn Al-Yamaan reported: "Whosoevertakes seat in the midst of
an assembly has been cursed by the messenger of Allaah . The Messenger
of Allaah curses the one who sits inthe middle of people's circle."
(Abu Daawood).
Herein, we are also told that a man must not pushhimself into the
circles of some sitting people as this shows no consideration for
their feelings. A Muslim should not intrude on other people's personal
affairs.
Abu Sa`eed Al-Khudri reported: "I heard Messenger of Allaah saying:
"The best assemblies are those in which people make room for one
another.'' (Abu Daawood).
This Hadeeth urges us to spread out in assemblies and make room for
one another to the comfort ofeveryone.
Supplication after the gathering
Abu Hurayrah reported that the messenger of Allaah said: "Whoever sits
in a gathering and indulges in uselesstalk and before getting up
supplicates: `Subhaanaka Allaahumma wa bihamdika, ash-hadu allaa
ilaaha illaa Anta, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayka (O Allaah, You are
free from every imperfection; praise be to You. I testify that there
is no true god except You; I ask Your Pardon and turn to You in
repentance),' he will be forgiven for (the sins he may have
intentionally or unintentionally committed) in that assembly.''
(At-Tirmithi).
A senseless, boisterous talk, not related to the life to come, is
unprofitable and warrants deprecation. But since it is a small sin, it
may be pardoned if one sincerely repents of it. Yet, it cannot be
classified under the head of major grave sins and human-right
violations which are unpardonable.Scholars unanimously agree that
those sins which can be forgiven upon sincerely reciting the
above-mentioned supplication are minor sins which relate to the
violation of Allaah's Rights, as evidenced by other narrations.
Abu Barzah reported: "Towards the end of his life, the messenger of
Allaah would supplicate before leavingan assembly thus:"Subhaanaka
Allaahumma wa bihamdika, ash-hadu allaa ilaaha illaa Anta,
astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilayka (O Allaah, You are free from every
imperfection; all praise is for You. I testify that there is no true
god except You, I ask Your forgiveness and turn to You in
repentance).'' A man once said to him: "O Messenger of Allaah! You
have spoken such words as you have never uttered before.'' He said:
"It is an expiation of that which goes on in the assembly.'' (Abu
Daawood).
The messenger of Allaah would recite this supplication at the end
ofevery assembly to teach Muslims how to gain more rewards and to
beseech Allaah to forgive the lapses which they might have
inadvertentlycommitted during the course of a general conversation.
There is no indication in the Hadeeththat he himself used toengage in
idle talk while he was with his Companions.
Ibn `Umar reported:"The messenger of Allaah seldom left a gathering
without supplicating in these terms: "Allaahumma-qsim lanaamin
khashyatika maa tahoolu bihi baynanaa wa bayna ma`aaseek, wa min
taa`atika maatuballighuna bihi jannataka, wa minal-yaqeeni maa
tuhawwinu `alayna masaa'ibad-dunyaa. Allaahumma matti`naa
biasmaa`inaa, wa absaarinaa, wa quwwatinaa maa ahyaytanaa,
waj`alhul-waaritha minnaa, waj`al tha'ranaa `alaa man zalamanaa,
wansurnaa `alaa man`aadaanaa, wa laa taj`al museebatanaa fi deeninaa,
wa laa taj`alid-dunyaa akbara hamminaa, wa laa mablagha `ilminaa, wa
laa tusallit `alainaa man-laa yarhamunaa, (O Allaah, apportion to us
such fear as should serve as a barrier betweenus and acts of
disobedience; and such obedience as will take us to Your Paradise; and
such as will make easy for us to bear in the calamities of this world.
O Allaah! Let us enjoy our hearing, our sight and our power as long as
You keep us alive and let them remain until the end of our lives, and
make our revenge restricted to those who oppress us, and support us
against those who arehostile to us let no misfortune afflict our
religion; let not worldlyaffairs be our principal concern, or the
ultimate limit of our knowledge, and let not those rule over us who do
not show mercy to us).'' (At-Tirmithi).
This Hadeeth reveals a supplication through which we may be able to
reach all that which is good in this world as well as in the
Hereafter.
Conclusion
Abu Hurayrah reported that the messenger of Allaah said: "Those people
who leave a gathering in which they have not mentioned Allaah, will
conclude it as if it has foul odour similar tothat of a rotten carcass
of a donkey. And it will be a cause of grief to them (e.i. in the
Hereafter).'' (Abu Daawood).The messenger of Allaah has warned us
againstrefraining from the remembrance of Allaah because most of the
heart diseases are causedby this indifference, and because most of the
sins are committed as a result of this indifference.
Abu Hurayrah reported: "The Prophet said: "Whenever a group of people
sit in a gathering in whichthey do not mention Allaah The Exalted, nor
supplicate to exalt the mention (and status) of their Prophet, such a
gathering will be a cause of grief to them. If Allaah wills, He will
punish them, and if He wills He will forgive them.'' (At-Tirmithi).
Any meeting where Allaah is not glorified andpraised and His blessings
are not invoked to exalt the mention of His Prophet will cause grief
and punishment to the participants in the Hereafter.
Abu Hurayrah reported: The messenger of Allaah said: "If anyone sits
in a gathering where he doesnot mention Allaah, he will bring grief
upon himself (on the Day of Resurrection), and he who lies down in a
place where he does not mention Allaah, will bring grief upon himself
(on the Day of Resurrection).'' (Abu Daawood).
To sum up what has gonein these mentioned prophetic narrations of this
issue, man should mention Allaah on all occasions. This will establish
and cement his bond with Allaah, keeping heedlessness away from his
heart and mind. It is heedlessness which prompts man to transgress
Divine rules and limits, whereas the remembrance of Allaah prevents
him from indulging in backbiting and passing slanderous remarks
against people in their absence or reproaching and belittling someone
at a meeting. Unfortunately, such petty and negative out-pourings are
relishedat chat sessions in our society. This generates grudge,
illwill and hostility in hearts and splits up social cohesion and
Islamic solidarity. Every Muslim should, therefore, take care to avoid
such gatherings, and if it so happened that he attended any such
gathering, then he must fulfill his duty of forbidding people from
evil when they indulge init.