nurturing ourselves. Women are particularly prone to ignoring their
own needs and neglecting themselves as they give much of their time
and energy to others.
Women are natural caretakers who instinctively focus on the well-being
of other people. We tend to think that nurturing ourselves will not
complete a project, care for a loved one, make money, or get dinner on
the table. With work, home, and other responsibilities, nurturing
ourselves often moves to the bottom of the to-do list, if it makes it
to the list at all.
The meaning of nurture
Nurture means to take care of self, to give time to self, to nourish,
to cherish and cultivate. Just as we nourish and feed our physical
body, we also need to nourish others aspects of ourselves. Just as we
cherish others, we need to cherish ourselves. The opposite would beto
disregard, ignore, or neglect the self. Nurturance and nourishment of
self is important for various reasons.
Why is it important to nurture ourselves?
The following story was once told:
"Suppose you were to come uponsomeone in the woods working feverishly
to saw down a tree. 'What are you doing?' you ask. 'Can't you see?'
comes the impatient reply. 'I'm sawing down this tree.' 'You look
exhausted!' you exclaim. 'How long have you been at it?' 'Over 5
hours,' he returns, 'and I'm beat! This is hard work.' 'Well, why
don't you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen the saw?' you
inquire. 'I'm sure it would goa lot faster.' 'I don't have time to
sharpen the saw the man says emphatically. 'I'm too busy sawing!"
We are too busy working and taking care of others to nurture
ourselves. Over time, this leads todepletion of our energy,
patience,creativity and relationship skills. Over time, our saws
become dull because we are too busy sawing away to take a break. We
find that we have little to give to others because we have not taken
the time to take care of ourselves.
The solution is to learn how to nurture ourselves so that we can
refill the depleted energy, compassion, and kindness. Nurturing
ourselves increases ourchances of success in all of our relationships.
It makes us happier, more fulfilled, and more effective in our lives.
Areas of nurturance
As humans, we need to nurture ourselves in the following areas: 1)
physical, 2) psychological/emotional, 3) social, and 4) spiritual.
This means that we need to find waysto fulfill ourselves in each of
these aspects. Of course, these elements are interrelated and impact
upon each other. Islam is a religion of balance, wholeness, and
moderation. If we balance our lies in such a way as to take care of
each of our needs, we willexperience wholeness and serenity. We must
also do this in a way that is moderate and conscientious.
Case analysis
To get an idea of what all of this means, read through the following
cases and try to determine which area of nurturance is most needed in
each case. In other words, in which aspect is there imbalance or lack
of fulfillment? Focus on the weakest aspect in each case since more
than one may be represented.
Case 1: Maysoon
Maysoon is a young mother of a 4- month old infant. She and her
husband recently moved to the United Arab Emirates from America. The
baby was born in the UAE. Maysoon's husband works from 8:00 am until
6:00 pmeach day and Maysoon is alone in the house during that time
with the baby. She has no social contact and misses her family back
home. She comes from a large family of 6 siblings. Lately, she has
been feeling more and more depressed due to her situation. She cries
often and feels that she has no desire to take care of the baby. She
is not able to sleep at night and has no appetite. She wishes that
they had never come to this country.
Case 2: Maryam
Maryam is the mother of three small children––Zakariyyah, age 4;Salma,
age 2_; and Sumayyah, age9 months. Since the birth of her first baby,
Maryam has been concerned about her weight and figure. She gained 20
kilos with Zakariyyah, and although she lostsome of it over time,
others remained. With each pregnancy her weight only seemed to
increase. She feels tired and sluggish much of the time and does not
feel that she is able to fully give what she needs to her children.
Her husband has also commented on her weight and tells her that she
needs to get slim again like she was when she first married.
Case 3: Zainab
Zainab is a 35 year-old woman with 4 children and a full-time job as a
teacher. Her work and home responsibilities take much of her time, but
she somehow manages. Lately, Zainab has felt aspiritual distancing
from Allaah. She does not feel that she has thetime to strengthen her
relationship with Him. Her salah is often completed hurriedly and she
struggles to find sometime to read the Qur'an each day. Her desire is
to study more about Islam so that she can acquire more knowledge. This
would enable her to teach her children as well as the sisters in her
community. She wishes to come closer to Allaah, but the demandsof
daily life seem to be in the way.
Case 4: Reema
Reema is an energetic, educated, and intelligent woman. She works
full-time in a company as an accountant, but does not really enjoy her
work. She has been with the company for almost 5 years. She also has a
husband and two children—Yacoub, age 7 and Zainab, age 5. Although
Reema is very resourceful, she struggles with balancing the demands of
both work and home. Her time is spent go back and forth betweenthese
two demands. By the end of the
day, she feels emotionally drained and unfulfilled due to thestresses
of her job. She feels that she has no emotional energy left to give to
her family. She is concerned about how this will impact her children.
How do we nurture ourselves?
There is no right way or one perfect solution to nurturing the self.
Nurturing is specific to each person and each season of life. It is
personal and intimate. The ways that we are nurtured reflectour
deepest wants and needs. We begin by asking ourselves, "What feels
nurturing to me?" You can try to remember times inwhich you felt
nurtured arid loved and create a list of those times (or places or
people). Spend time writing in a journal about what feels nurturing to
you. To gather more ideas, ask friends what they do to nurture
themselves. Gradually, accumulate a list of events, people, and things
that feel nurturing.
To get some practice, go througheach of the scenarios above and try to
come up with ways that each of the women can nurture themselves. It
may be a good idea to do this with a friend or group of friends. The
outcome may surprise you.
The importance of spirituality
At the foundation of the human experience is spirituality. While all
elements are important and we attempt to balance them, the aspect that
cannot be eliminated or ignored is one's relationship with the
Creator. This will impact a person's life more than any other aspect.
The soul is at the center of the human being. Allaah Almighty Says
what means: "Then He fashioned him in due proportion and breathed into
him the soul (created by Allaah for that person) and made for you
hearing and vision and hearts (i.e., intellect); little are you
grateful. " [Quran 32: 9]
We also understand that our purpose in life is to worship Allaah
Almighty. Allaah Says whatmeans: "And I did not create the jinn and
mankind except to worship Me." [Quran 51:56]. It is through this
worship that we obtain the greatest fulfillment and nourishment
because it brings us closer to our Source. We find peace and
contentment simply in the remembrance of Allaah Almighty. Allaah Says
whatmeans: "Those who have believedand whose hearts are assured by the
remembrance of Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah
hearts are assured." [Quran 3:28]
When we focus on nourishing our spirituality it will flow into the
other areas of our life. The guidelines that are provided by the
religion will become methodsof nurturance themselves. Maintaining the
ties of family is an example of nurturing the social aspect. Eating
healthy food is part of taking care of the physical self. When we
understand that the concept of worship in Islam is broad and includes
any actions that are acceptable to Allaah and done forHis sake, the
matter becomes clear. In the end, we begin to realize that nurturance
can be found in the hugs and care given to a child, in the completion
of a project for work, or even in the cooking of a dinner meal.
Remembrance of Allaah in all thatwe do will bring much of the
nurturance that we need in this
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