Nikah (marriage) is a great Ibaadah in Islam.It is a social
obligation,an act which is highly admired by Allah SWT and a Sunnah of
the Blessed Prophet SAW.
But, Subhan Allah, in this western cultured society, we have no idea
what marriage is. We have no idea how to live with one's spouse, how
to treat one's spouse, how to respect one's spouse, or, in short, how
to be a spouse according to Islamic Shariah. Marriage in the western
world is quite meaningless. People marry, but within a few years,
we'll see that the couple has split up for one reason or another.
Today, there is no limit to the affairs between men and women, which
weakens the marriage bond. In the modern age, western civilization has
beset many problems. One ofthe major ones being divorce. This is due
to lack of understanding and lack of knowledge of what marriage
exactly is, especially according to Islam.
A good example wouldbe the recent news story of the TV show, which is
now off-air, called "Who wants to marry a millionaire?" Why did the
women come on the show? Was it to seek kind, loving, caring men, who
will love and cherish them for the rest of their lives? Or was it
because they had the chance to become millionaires themselves? The
answer is obvious--it was the money. Muhammad SAW, himself, said the
fitna of his Ummah will be wealth. And the men--why would they come on
TV to look for someone to marry? Most likely, to gain popularity, or
maybe even because they were desperate. So, what does the
westernsociety tell us about marriage? It simply teaches us that the
union of a man and woman through marriage is no big deal. One can
easily go into it and easily come out of it, if one desires.
On the contrary, marriage in Islam means more that just false promises
that one could break this bond anytime one pleases without serious
thought and consideration. Rasoolullah SAW, regarding divorce, stated
that it is the most hated act of all lawful things in the sight of
Allah.
Marriage is a life-long commitment and partnership. It is a natural
and inevitable relationship filled withmutual love, respect, and
benefit. Marriage is a beautiful institution, which makes the solitary
lives of two people a partnership in the Garden of Jannah. It provides
solace and comfort to two people in the hearts of each other. It
stabilizes society and guaranteeswell-being for the community. It is
an Ibaadah, a type of worship. The sweet moments a husband and wife
share are more rewarding than Nafl Ibaadah. It is an Ibaadah that can
lead one to Jannah, where apious couple will be happy companions for
eternity. What a blessing from Allah, Most Compassionate!
Unfortunately, becauseof our short-mindedness, stubbornness, pride,
and ignorance in the UN-Islamic influential society that we live in,
some marriages turn out to be a disaster filled with bitterness,
enmity, sorrow, and regret, which is also mostly due to lack of
knowledge of a successful Islamic marriage. What we must understand is
theindividual duties, responsibilities, and roles of the Muslim
husband and the Muslim wife.
The first point which should be made is that,in Islam, the man and the
woman are of equal human status. No one, whether male of female, is
superior to another, except in piety. Allah does not favor a man over
a woman or a white over a black, but He favors those who are righteous
and obedient (to Him).
'Men and women who have surrendered (to Allah),
believing men and believing women,
obedient men and obedient women,
truthful men and truthful women,
enduring men and enduring women,
humble men and humble women,
men and women who give in charity,
men who fast and women who fast,
men and women who remember Allah in abundance--
for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.' (33:35)
When Allah created Adam alayhis-salaam, he was given all the pleasures
of Jannah (Paradise), but Allah sensed an emptiness inside His new
creation. To fill that emptiness, Allah created, as a companion for
Adam AS, Hawwaa (Eve) alayhas-salaam, whereby, he then found complete
happiness and fulfillment. Muhammad SAW was reported to have said that
women are the twin-halves of men. When a man and woman have joined
through marriage, they are complete. Allah describes the importance
and significance of men and women to each other in the Holy Qur'an.
'They (women) are your garments and you(men) are their garments.' (2:187)
Without clothing (garments), a body is meaningless. One's clothing is
one's modesty, one's protection, one's security, one's respect, one's
comfort, one's reputation even. Likewise, clothing is meaningless
without abody. The two must go together. If apart, theiris little
reason for theirexistence. This parablethat Allah uses, defineshow a
husband and wife relate to each other. Just as one takesmuch care a
protectionfor their most expensive garments, the spouses, who are each
other's garments, should do the same. The only way they could do this
is to understand that, though they are of equal status, each has
different duties, responsibilities, and roles as Muslim husband and
Muslim wife.
Muhammad SAW was aperfect model and a perfect example to all people in
every aspect of life, including marriage. He loved all his wives
dearly and treated them all equally. He knew what made happiness in
marriage. He loved feeling welcomed by them and appreciated the fact
that they respected him and would never go against them. He also
appreciated that they did so many things to please him and he knew he
could trust them not to let him down, in any way, while he was absent.
The mere sight of themmade him happy.
The messenger of AllahSAW was an example to all men on how to treat
their wives and he always encouraged his followers to treat them
kindly and lovingly: 'A good Muslim husband should treat his wife
inthe best possible manner.' The Qur'an states:
'Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a
dislike to them, it maybe you dislike a thing in which Allah has meant
for your own good.' (4:19)
In regard to treating women kindly, Rasoolullah SAW also said: 'Fear
Allah with regard to women because you have taken them in the trustof
Allah and made their private parts lawful with the word of Allah.'
In Islam, the husband has no right to treat the women cruelly
andunfairly. The husband should never regard his wife as a servant,
but as a partner in life. The wife was regardedby Rasoolullah SAW as
the best safeguard for the husband against sin. And he SAW brought a
complete change in the status and position of women. The ideal of
wifehood was declared to be love andaffection and not subordination
and inferiority.
Muhammad SAW taught that no matter how provoked a man may feel, he
shall neverslap his wife on the face. He discouraged this by saying:
'The best of you is he who isbest to his wife.' He further said:
'Never hit your wife like the hitting of your slave.' In other words,
never beat them in a way as to injure her. In some extreme cases,
though,mild hitting is allowed,but even in the Qur'an, Allah says that
preliminary steps should be taken beforeautomatically looking to
hitting her, which are admonishment (warning) or separation from the
bed.
Our Blessed Prophet SAW also taught that itwas wrong for a husband to
speak abusively to her or rudely neglect her whilst out in public. The
husband should also not be too strict on his wife in order to change
her. Upon this, Muhammad SAW said: 'Admonish (criticize) women with
good, for they have been createdfrom the upper ribs and the most
crooked thing about the rib is its upper part. If you try to
straighten it, it will break. If you leave it, it will remain crooked,
so give adviseto women accordingly.'
A man should also not be suspicious of his wife on false grounds, for
this is sin on his part and he shall not accuse her without proof.
This will take him to a level of almostbeing regarded as a kufr. But
the husband should regard his wife as a safeguard against immorality
and as a consolation and comfort in times of distress.
A husband and wife are to be the best of companions. They should be
each others support and comfort,"a shoulder to lean on." There was an
occasion, where the Non-Muslims of Makkah would not allow the Muslims
to perform Hajj. Sacrificing the animal is a part of the holy
pilgrimage. So, Muhammad SAW told his followers that they would have
to sacrificethe animals in the jungle, but the followers did not agree
and did not obey. He asked them a couple more times, and still they
thought it was not allowed to do that, so they didn't obey. In
distress, Muhammad SAW went back to his wife and narrated the story to
his wife, who advised him to go out, shave his head, sacrifice an
animal, and his followers would do thesame. He did just that and the
followers, upon seeing the Prophet SAW doing what he had commanded
them to do, finally obey him, with much regret of course. (May Allah
forgive me if I've got the story wrong in any way.) This is an example
of the love and respect of the special relationship of a husband and
wife.
Another important duty of the husband is to provide his wife with
finance from his wages, so that she could successfully run the
household. The Prophet SAW said: 'Youshall give her food when you take
your food and you shall clothe her when you clothe yourself,' meaning
he should take care of his wife as well as he takes care ofhimself,
without neglecting her. Aysha RA narrated that Hind, wife of Abu
Sufyan, complained to Muhammad SAW: 'Abu Sufyan is a miserly person.
He does not give adequate maintenance for me and my children, but I
take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is this sin on my part?'
Allah's messenger SAW replied: 'Take from his property the usual
amount that would suffice you and your children.'
A wife is to be loved, cherished, treated with kindness, cared for,
and protected. She is not a toy or plaything for the enjoyment of the
man. She is a spiritual and moral being like himself. Therefore, the
husband should build amoral and spiritual relationship with his wife.
This will help in establishing family units that knit together with
ties of love and affection and will finally lead to the growth and
development of a civilized life in communities all over the earth, but
in accomplishing this, thecooperation of the wife is also essential,
which leads us to the duties, responsibilitiesand role of the wife in
a successful marriage.
The husband has been granted the God-given right as the 'head' of the
family, the organizer, the supervisor of the socialunit of marriage,
as all social units need a 'head.'
'Men are the protectorsand maintainers of women because Allah has
given one more strength than the other and because theysupport them
from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly
obedient, andguard in the husband'sabsence what Allah would have them
guard.' (4:34)
So, the righteous woman, according to Allah, is one who is obedient to
her husband. Rasoolullah SAW said to his companions: 'Shall I tell you
about the best treasure a man can have? It is the virtuous wife who
always pleases him whenever he looks at her, who obeys him when he
orders her, and who guards herself when he is absent from her.' But if
a wife is rebellious and cannot accept this situation, the marriage
will, undoubtedly, be unsuccessful.
A righteous woman, who is fearful of Allah will have the naturalness
of being a pleasing wife instilled in her. She will know that pleasing
her husband is pleasing Allah and bring displeasure to her husband is
bringing displeasure to Allah. Rasoolullah SAW said: 'When a man calls
his wife for his need, let her come to him, though she may be
cooking.' He SAW also said: 'Whenever a man calls his wife for his
need and she refuses and he passes the night in an angry mood, the
angels curseher until she gets up atdawn.'
The responsibilities of women, as regards to men, is described in the
Qur'an and Sunnah according to feminine nature. If a woman's nature is
alive and she wishes to live her life as do the pious, she will not
find any difficulty of strangeness in abidingby the laws of Qur'an,
Sunnah, and Islamic Shariah.
The Qur'an states: 'Therefore the women are devoutly obedient (to
their husbands).' It is only natural for the husband, who is entrusted
with the maintenance of the wife from her family, to expect obedience
from her. The men are the benefactors. Muhammad SAW warned: 'Be not
ungrateful to your benefactors.' The husband is like the ruler of a
country. If the citizens do not respectfully obey him, then, no matter
what he does, he will be unsuccessful in running the country. The home
is the basic unit of the larger organization. It is only when the
smaller unitsare in order that the larger unit will function smoothly.
Therefore, it is essential for the home to be in an atmosphereof
obedience and conformance along with love and affection. Rasoolullah
SAW said: 'There is nothing better than marriage between partners who
love each other.' So, the wife should feel happy to serve and please
and obey her husband, even at the cost of her own comfort. For
example, if the husband does not like her to go to certain people's
houses, she should not go without his permission. For, this will cause
him to be displeased and will put tensions between the two. Regarding
this, Rasoolulah SAW said: 'No woman shall keep optional fast except
with the permission of her husband.'
Woman is man's garment. Just as the garment is closest to man, the
woman is closest to the man. In marriage, there are no secrets between
the husband and the wife. This is the close companionship between the
two, where no other relationship contains such closeness. The man is
most reluctant in sharing his secrets with anyone, except his wife.
The close relationship the husband has with his wife enables him to
trust her with his confidentialities as well as to guard them safely.
And it is the duty of the wife to not carelessly reveal her husband's
secrets and confident feelings and emotions to anyone so long as she
is alive. TheQur'an states that if a woman holds a grudgeagainst her
husband, itwould still be unlawfulfor her to reveal his secrets.
Addressing women, Allah says in the Qur'an: 'Stay in your homes.'
(33:33), meaning that the woman's duties shouldbe related to and
around the home. In modern times, the woman has become anexternal
showcase for a broader audience, where in Islam, a woman has an
important internal duty of caring for her home, her family, and her
children. Some may refer to this as being a "housewife," which, in
today's society, holds no respect. Now, what would be more
respectable--cooking at a restaurant for hundreds of strangers or
cooking for one's family and children? The wife and mother are the
role models for the success of the future generations. They have the
power to make a home or break a home. With this much power, is it fair
to say that the"housewife" is useless in society? She is like the head
of state, devoting herself to making her home an ideal one. She has
the major responsibilities of housekeeping, taking care of everyone
else's needs before her own, management of all affairs, and most
importantly, raising the children as devout, pious, righteous Muslims,
which, today, in this western-influenced society is difficult.
Muhammad SAW was once asked: 'O Messenger of Allah! Who is best of all
women?' He SAW replied: 'One who makes her husband happy when he sees
her, who obeys her when he asks her for something, and who does not to
anything against his will in regard to either herselfor his wealth.'
He SAW also said: 'If the wife performs her 5 daily prayers, restrains
herself from adultery, and obeys her husband, she will enterParadise
through whichever of its doors as she wishes.' On the other hand, the
Prophet SAW also said to a group of laughing and cheering women: 'O
assembly of women!You should give as much as you can in sadaqa
(charity) for, I have seen that there are more women in the Hellfire
than men.' When inquired as to why, the Prophet SAW said: ' You
grumble and curse often and you are ungrateful to your husbands!'
So, the wife should try to please her husband in whichever way she
can, according to Islam, and should not be unwilling or undesiring in
obeying him and serving him through much love andcareness for him.
This is the secret of a successful married life as well as the means
ofpleasing Allah and attaining Paradise.
What is intended in making women obedient to their husbands is to
cultivate in them the type of temperament and character that will make
them the true partners to their husbands. An obedientwife wins the
heart of her husband, therefore, gaining the upper hand. Hers is
thehighest place at home and in the eyes of her husband. On the other
hand, a disobedient wife who quarrels with her husband and is
ungrateful and unloving to him, will spend her life filled with
bitterness and a rock-hard heart, not to mention the displeasure of
her Lord.
As for men, Islam aims to cultivate fair-mindedness, love, and
kindness on all occasions. Being the maintainer of the house, the man
should not abuse his right in adispleasing and UN-Islamic manner. If
he makes this sinful mistake, he should know that he will have to meet
his Lord and answer for his deeds. Rasoolullah SAW said: 'The man is
ruler over his wife and children and is answerable to Allah for the
conduct oftheir affairs. The woman is the ruler over the house of her
husband and children and is answerable for the conduct of her
affairs.'
May Allah give all believing men and women, married or looking to
marry, the towfeeq to be the idealMuslim husband and the ideal Muslim
wife with His Divine help and guidance. May He bless all present and
future marriages with love, happiness, peace, and success. Ameen.
Alhumdulillahi Rabbil Alameen.
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