and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate
quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to say it. But I had tolet her know what I
was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topiccalmly. She didn't
seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I
avoidedher question. This made her angry. She shouted atme, "you are
not a man!"
That night, we didn't talkto each other. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I hadlost my heart to a lovely
girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car.
Sheglanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy butI could not take back what I
had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected
to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of
divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemedto be firmer and
clearer now.
The next day, I came backhome very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to
sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day
with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I
just didn'tcare so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son hadhis exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out
of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going
crazy.
Just to make our last daystogether bearable I accepted her odd
request. I told Dew aboutmy wife's divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it wasabsurd. No matter what tricks she has, she
has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had
any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our sonclapped behind us, daddyis holding mummy in his arms. His words
brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then
to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed
her eyesand said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I
nodded, feelingsomewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She
went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest... I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. Irealized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. Irealized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when Ilifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to
me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy
was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to
carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made
me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresseshave grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly
it hit me;she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at
the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing
his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his
life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him
tightly. Iturned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind atthis last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just
like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without
locking the door.I was afraid any delay would make me change my
mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened thedoor and I said to her,
Sorry, Dew, I do not wantthe divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, then touchedmy forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home
on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs
this world.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I
smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until we are old.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank
balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other
thatbuild a relationship.
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