happiness? Why am I alone? Why do I feel stuck? Why do I have these
problems?'…
These questions only have meaning if we direct them to Allah. No one
else can answer them. Consider the wordsof the Prophet Ya'qub
(alayhis-salam, peace be upon him) when his son Yusuf (as) was
secretly thrown into a well by his brothers. They then reported to
their father that Yusuf had been killed by a wolf.
And he turned away fromthem and said, "Oh, my sorrow over Yusuf," and
his eyes became white from grief, and he fell into silent melancholy.
They said, "By Allah , you will not cease remembering Yusuf until you
become fatally ill or become of those who perish."
He said, " I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah , and
I knowfrom Allah that which you do not know.
- Quran, Surat Yusuf, 12:84-86
"I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah…"
When you feel stuck, when you feel that no one understands your
situation, when you're in pain and you can't even imagine a solution,
only Allah has the answers. You can't see a way forward, but He can.
You don't see your own worth, but He does. You can't figure out the
road to happiness, but He can show you.
I remember a night in Arizona when I was twenty six years old. I lay
on a cot in a small, frigid cell. There was snow outside and I had
only a thin blanket. As I often did, I put on all my clothing in
layers – three pants, three shirts, an army jacket and a pair of boots
– and still I kept waking up shivering and shaking. Yet, even more
than the physical discomfort, my spirit was tired. I had made mistakes
in my youth andhad been locked up for almost five years. I had become
hard mentally and physically, but my heart was full of sorrow. Ilay
there that night and I thought, "I have nothing in life. I have
accomplished nothing. I have no university degree, no wife, no
children, and not even my freedom."
That was a bad time. But I had my faith, and I usedto weep to Allah,
asking Him to have mercy on me. I think I gave up on myself for a
while, but I never gave up on Allah. Itwould not even have occurred to
me to do so. Idid cry to Him sometimes saying, "Why, Allah? Why? Why
am I here, suffering like this?" But itwasn't despair, only confusion.
In my heart I knew that He heard me and that an answer would come.
Shortly after that I received a letter from theparole board granting
me early release. I had previously been told veryclearly that I was
not eligible. It was entirely unexpected, and if you are familiar with
the American penal system, miraculous. But for Allah, nothing is
impossible or even difficult.
Within a few months I was free. I found a job a week after my
release, and I excelled. I began writing, sitting at my desk every
night after work and disciplining myself to work on poetry,stories and
articles. Eventually I went back to school and began a new career, got
married, bought a beautiful house, and one day had achild…
What can I say except Alhamdulillah! SubhanAllah! What can I do except
weep in gratitude for these blessings that I did nothing to earn, but
were given to me by my Lord who loves me and cares about me, and wants
good for me. I am so deeply touched and moved by the way Allah has
answered my prayersfrom the depths of darkness. If I did anything to
merit His blessings, perhaps it was only that I directed my pleas to
Him. I knew that no one else could help me.
This is a very emotional post for me to write. I want every Muslim to
have this sense of Allah astheir friend, as someone who cares for them
deeply. I want to put thatawareness into your heart like a gift.
When I was in that cell I used to pray the same dua' over and over,
begging Allah repeatedly.If I had made such pleas to a human being
they would have stopped hearing me long ago. When we're needy with
people it pushes them away, but when we're needy with Allah He comes
closer to us! He never tires of answering our need and forgiving us.
I know of many similar stories of people who have hit rock bottom
andhave called upon Allah – or , not even knowing "Allah" by that
name, have called to the Supreme Being, saying, "Iknow you hear me,
tell me what I need to do, show me the way!" – andthen, like a circle
of sunlight piercing a cloud,something or someone comes into their
lives to show them the way forward.
When we're out of ideas, surrounded by problems, and feeling totally
alone… we're not alone . Allah is with us. If we pray sincerely and
strive, He will put light in our hearts and help us from directions we
did not expect.
Ask Allah sincerely, open yourself to Him, and accept what He gives
youeven when it goes against your own desires.The answers to your
questions are there, with Allah, I promise you. All those terrible
questions that you ask yourself in the silence of your mind, the
answers are with Allah.
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