the witnesses did Notunderstand english!(i even stopped the wedding
but was told one was an imam, one hafiz!but not english speaking!)
2)the mahr was not given(and i didnt agree to delay)
3)the marriage was not properly consumated we found out on wedding
night that he has "retarded ejaculation" (this means no chance of
children or real satisfaction)
4) 2 days after marriage he left to do 40 days dower with tablighi
jamaat i only had 1 fone call, to me this is not howto look after your
family and how can you pay to do dower but not pay mahr? help i am a
convert and need some advice please!
the appointed wali also conducted the ceremony and is my husbands
friend. as i am revert i dont have family for maharam. i am doing so
much dua but feel ashamed and embarrassed .
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We ask Allah to make yousteadfast in adhering to His religion and to guide you.
We are happy to hear of your coming to Islam andemerging from the
darkness of kufr to the light of faith.
"Say: 'In the Bounty of Allah, and in His Mercy (i.e. Islam and the
Quran);-therein let them rejoice.'That is better than what (the
wealth) they amass"
[Yoonus 10:58].
Secondly:
Having witnesses to the marriage contract is one of the conditions of
it being valid, but announcing the marriagedoes away with the needfor
witnesses, because it serves the same purpose and more. See the answer
to question no. 112112 .
Thirdly:
The marriage contract is valid if done in a language other than
Arabic, but it is stipulatedthat the witnesses shouldknow that
language, because the witness is going to bear witness to what he
hears; if he cannot understand anything, his witnessing is not valid.
But announcing the marriage does away withthe need for witnesses
asstated above. So if the marriage was announcedand become known among
a number of Muslims, then the marriage is valid.
Fourthly:
If the marriage contract was done without statingthe mahr, then it is
valid. In that case the woman isentitled to a mahr like that of her
peers (other women like her).
It says in al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah (39/151): The mahr is obligatory
in all marriages, because Allah, may He be exacted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"All others are lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr
(bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of
marriage) from your property"
[an-Nisa' 4:24].
So the permissibility of marriage is connected to it, although
mentioning the mahr in the marriagecontract is not a condition of the
marriage being valid. So it is permissible to do the marriage contract
without naming the mahr, according to the consensus of the fuqaha'.
See also the answer to question no. 111127
Fifthly:
It is not valid for a woman to get married without a guardian, because
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "There is
no (valid) marriage without a guardian."
Narrated by Abu Dawood,2085 and others; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
If there is no guardian present or he is not qualified to be the
woman's guardian, then guardianship with regard to her marriage passes
to the ruler or the one who acts on his behalf. If there is no Muslim
ruler either, the director of the Islamic Centre, the imam of the
mosque or one of the scholars may act as her guardian in marriage. If
none of these are available, then a Muslim of good character may act
as her guardian in marriage with her permission.
The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas said:
If the woman does not have a Muslim guardian, whether he is a relative
or otherwise, then the director of the Islamic Centre in your country
may act as her guardian in marriage, because he takes the guardian's
place in cases such as this. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him) said: "The ruler is the guardianof the one who has no
guardian." The head of the Islamic Centre has authority in his
locality, because there are no Muslim judges in that locality. End
quote.
Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa'imah, 3/387
What appears to be the case is that your marriage is valid, because
this man who did the marriage contractacted as your guardian for the
purpose of the marriage contract, as youdid not have a guardian.
But it would have been better had the marriage been performed by the
director of the Islamic Centre in your city.
For more information please see the answer to question no. 48992
Sixthly:
Jamaa'at at-Tabligh is an Islamic organisation that is prominent and
active in the Islamic field and it has done a lot of good work in
calling people to Allah, but there are some points to be noted with
regard to matters of 'aqeedah (belief), ideology and level of
scholarship. For information on that, please see the answer to
questions no. 8674 , 39349 , 47431
Going out with them and leaving you during the first days of your
marriage is something that your husband shouldnot have done.
But it is essential to think positively of him; his going out with
them twodays after getting married indicates that the man is eager to
call people to Allah.
Seventhly:
Having a wedding party is not a condition of the marriage being valid.
Whether it is done correctly or otherwise makes no difference to the
validity of the marriage. But it is essential to make it free of evils
that are all too common in wedding parties, such as indecent songs,
music, free mixing,showing of adornment and so on.
Eighthly:
The fact that your husband suffers from problems in ejaculation or
that the possibility of having children from himis low, and that
sexual satisfaction is also low are all problems that can be treated
by going to a specialist doctor.
We advise you to be patient, careful and wise in making decisions. You
are in a situation in which it might not be appropriate at all to
think of leaving him. If it is possible for the imam of the mosque who
was present at your wedding or another trustworthy Muslim who is known
to be knowledgeable to intermediate with your husband and advise him
of his duty to treat his wife kindly and take careof her rights, that
may bea good idea.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to reconcile between you and set
things straight between you.
And Allah knows best.
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