There was a time when I didn't even know he existed, yet I
unintentionionally and unknowingly saved his life.
I can't say exactly when I began to notice him, except that it was
early 2010, but I can sat that for some reason when I did I knew it
would be my mission to make him my best friend.
I knew he didn't seem to like me but it didn't stop me one bit. I'm
still not sure why he meant so much to me before I evenknew him, but
it was the best decidion I have ever made to make my way into his
life. As our friendship began to develope and grow I began to trust
him very much, but for him it was difficult to trust me because of his
past and therefore he kept to himself a lot.
When he broke up with his girlfriend he fell into a deep depression
that he never spoke to anyone about. Today I learn how much of an
impact my little converstions were in my attempt to make him my
friend. He felt hopeless and iscolated in this world where he thought
no one cared. He had written a suicide letter and how was ready to go.
He found no reason to live because the pain was too much for him until
one day I came a long and gave him a sense of hope. But all I knew
about him was thathe was a shy boy in my class who for some reason I
wanted as my best friend. The fact that he was this close to hurting
himself I was completely ignorent of.
Today he tells me the story of his depression. I still don't
understand my involvment in bringing him out of it, or even believing
I saved his life because it's scary and hard for me to accept.ButI
trust him. He said I confused him, and his lonliness because I seemed
to bring a light into his darkness. The idea of a friend gave himthe
hope of a second chance. He felt like someone cared and so hechose to
give life a second chance.
He became my best friend, and the one person who I trusted with my
life, and eventually he even learntto trust me.
But with every story comes a twist. I can't say this was the most
perfect friendship because we often faught. But for some reason
neither of us wanted to lose the other. He often used to say "Please
don't leave me" and I don't think I really realised how much he meant
it. He never wanted to lose me because I was the one who 'saved' him
and he felt as if he owed me his life, and that without me he would be
nothing again.
I fell in love with him within the next year and he began to mean so
much to me but I could never tell him how I felt. Ididn't have the
guts. I was scared of rejection or ruining our friendship.
One of his best friends had a crush on me for a very long time. I
procastinated anything with him for a while, until I got to a stage
where I felt I could have feelings for him. But at the back of my mind
he wasn't my first choice. It took 11 months until anything happened
between us, but it was because of Dan that we ended up together one
night.
21-08-2010
As strange as it is we had the biggest fight that night. He pressured
me into going with his friend even though I told him I didn't want to.
I sent him a message whenI had left saying I didn't want to do it he
shouldn't have made me and I guess he realised he made a mistake. But
then I decided to go through with it and ignored him. He called me
many times and sent me over 10 messages, and after his friend and I
had hooked up I opened the messages and replied.I apologised but he
was very angry. He told me he was worried, and that I didn't care
andmany other things. But there was one message that confused me "I
was scared I would never see your beautiful face again". He had never
called me beautiful before. But I ignored it because I though it was
nothing. I went home in tears because of how badthe fight had been. He
didn't want to speak to me and that was hard forme to deal with. He
was my best friend, and I felt that I needed him.
22-08-2010
Today he told me he had feelings for me and I told him how I felt
about him.Turns out the only reasonhe pushed me to be with his friend
was because he though I would be happy and that's all he ever wanted.
Turns out he was wrong about who I wanted.
Totday, I am proud to saywe have been in a relationship for over 2
years and I am the happiest girl in the world.
I love him with all my heart and I want the world to know that.
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