because the first time shehurt my feelings she kissed my cheek and she
said "are you cranky? Mr. Cranky needs to go to bed!" And I told her
"no, you just broke my heart and it can't find its way home" like
Whitney Houston's song "Where do Broken Hearts go" and she told me not
to beupset with her and she told me to think of all thepositive things
shes donefor me and the positive way shes impacted my life and the
wonderful relationship we had and Ijust smiled and covered her in
kisses.
I love her so much but I can't be with her anymore. I should move on,
I know...but how can I if she was such a great person? If she was the
one that was always there for me? If she was the one I fell in love
with? I can't stand being without her, it's such a horrible
experience. I know I can't be with her, there's no way. I can't even
talk to her and tell her how I feel. I miss her so much and I just
want that sense of comfort in knowing shes there for me and that I'm
deeply loved. I hate not being able to talk to her...having to just
drop off the face of the earth and having to ignore her as I have been
doing and feel like I am forced to hate her to stop me from missing
her. I don't hate her, I don't hate her at all.
I'm angry at myself for falling in love with her and missing her the
way Ido. I hate the fact that I can't even tell her "I love you" and
get a response. I hate having to pretend Idon't feel anything for her.
Shes such a great, great girl. Shes the first one I've fallen for
because of personality, not looks and its so hard to be able to let go
of what we had and move on. I know I'm strong enough to do so, to
succeed but I don't want to.
I don't want her to just fade into a memory...to fade into a "once
was" type of thing. I can't let that happen, she means far too much to
me to even think of just letting her go like that. I hate having to
keep to myself about everything and notbeing able to get her much
valued opinion on things. She made me so happy and she was such a
great help to be. I lovedbeing able to call her mine... my love or my
friend. I loved having that sense of happiness in knowing that she was
in my life and she was always gonna be there for me. I just miss her
so much. No matter how I try to distract myself she just comes to mind
and I cant tell anyone about it.
I cant tell anyone how I feel about her and how I want her in my life
again.She was what I called"ugly" when I first saw her. I disliked her
and disliked everything she did and was a part of in the beginning but
we soon talked more and I fell in love with her as she was. Ever since
then I've looked at her and thought "Damn. I did so good. Shes so
amazing." Iwould thank the lord for her every night, thankinghim for
inserting such a bright light into the blackhole which I called life.
I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore because there was no dark. There
was no reason to fear something that wasn't there. She lit up the
room, she lit up my life...she lit up my heart...my soul..my
everything.
Jesus knew I needed an angel and she gave her to me and damn, was
sheperfect! She influenced me to be the best I could. We sometimes had
our issues but we'd get through them. She'd say stupid things, as
would I, but we still got through the jungle without any scratches, so
to speak. I was there for her from the beginning, even when I disliked
her. I stood with open arms, I'dallow her to cry on my shoulders. She
was wortheverything I had to sacrifice...I meant every word I ever
said to her about loving her...even when I said it at irrelevant and
bad times. I was there for her.
If someone dared to hurt her I'd sure show them how wrong they were to
do so. No one could hurt my sweetheart, my friendand get away with it.
Shemeant everything to me and she still does. She may not know how I
feel about her now and probably never will but thats okay. It's also
okay if I fade into only a small memory in her mind...its okay. I'm
one drop in herwhole ocean...one chapter in her gigantic novel. Shes
my 7abibti. Shes my milosc. Mi amor. My love. I'll love her no matter
what. One never forgets their first real love...and she was mine. I'll
keep her in my heart and in my mind forever. She had a great impact on
my life and I'll never forget her.
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