until now.i have full beard,i dont smoke,no girlfriend,dontwatch
films.i am always try to spend more times for gaining knowledge.but
recently ifeel depressed,my past memories are killing me,i always feel
scared when talking to peoples,i am getting ill so often,which hurting
me,even when i pray i feel that my prayer,my duaa is not gonna
accept.i am on hardship,difficulties as well.but i dont speak about
this problems to anyone,because i believe that only Allah can help me
out from this problem.i feel like i am doing something seriously
wrong.notice that sometimes i dont pray fajar on time.is it the main
reason?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly, we congratulate you for having repented to Allah; He has
blessed you by enabling you to give up sin and disobedience and a life
of idle pursuits. This great blessing requires you to protect it by
turning to Allah, calling upon Him, beseeching Him and always
remembering Him, may He be glorified and exalted. All of that will
strengthen the heart and make you steadfast in adhering to the path of
obedience, and it will ward off the doubts and hesitations that have
come to you recently.
Secondly, with regard towhat has befallen you recently, there are
several reasons for that:
· Part of it is because you have become very withdrawn after
you were guided, but being guided has nothing to do with this
withdrawal.You could have chosen good people to mix withand make
friends with; in fact even if you mixedwith people who were not like
that, you could have focused on showing them the way to repent and
turn back to Allah. Being religiously committed does not mean at all
thatyou should stay away from people. Even when seeking knowledge, a
person can always look for friends to sit with in the class and who
can help you to revise. This ishow the social nature of human beings
always is, but their aims and behaviour may vary. Undoubtedly keeping
away from the friends you had in the past is a beneficial kind of
withdrawal, and it may be obligatory in some cases. But it will be
helpful to you to replace the friends of the past with other friends
who are righteous and can help you to adhere to the path of guidance,
console you and strengthen your resolve. Allah, may He be exalted,says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And keep yourself (O Muhammad SAW) patiently with those who call on
their Lord (i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with
glorification, praising in prayers, etc., and other righteous deeds,
etc.) morning andafternoon, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes
overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world;
and obey not himwhose heart We have made heedless of Our Remembrance,
one who follows his own lusts andwhose affair (deeds) hasbeen lost"
[al-Kahf 18:28].
· Part of it may be your thinking of some memories of the past.
This will inevitably happen, because you areat the beginning of the
path and the Shaytaan will never leave you alone; he will put in
yourmind images and scenes and thoughts that you used to be part of,
not solong ago. But be of goodcheer, for this difficulty and these
thoughts will soon disappear, in sha Allah, so long as you remain
steadfast on the path of guidance and adhere to righteous conduct.
· The doubts that arise in your own mind and the thoughts that
come to you from everywhere are the whispers of the Shaytaan that you
must ward off forcefully, seek refuge with Allah from them, and
constantly callupon Allah (in du'aa') and ask Him to make youstrong
and to save you from the Shaytaan and his whispers. Remember that
Allah, may He be exalted, has no need of us and our deeds, and that
Allah accepts our imperfect worship by Hiskindness and grace, and He
will reward for it and multiply the reward, out of His grace, kindness
and generosity. For Allahis Appreciative and Forbearing, may He be
glorified; He accepts a little and gives much. He is as His slave
thinks He is, may He be glorified and exalted, so do not think
negatively of your Lord, for Allah is Most Kind and Most Generous.
· As for your negligence with regard to Fajr prayer, it is
undoubtedly a major shortcoming on your part and is something that you
should hasten to set straight. A good start is indicative of good
progress on the path, so how about if your day begins with
disobedience towards Allah and heedlessness concerning one of His
greatest commands, and one of His greatest rightsover His slaves,
which is prayer offered on time? The Prophet (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) said: "Whoever prays Fajr is under the protection
of Allah, but anyone who falls short with regard tothe rights of
Allah, then Allah will seize him and will throw him into the Fire of
Hell." Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh, 657. So do not deprive
yourself and do not exclude yourself from the protection of your Lord
and His shielding ofHis slave against his enemy. Do not deprive
yourself of all of that by being careless with regard to praying Fajr
atthe beginning of its timewith the congregation in the mosque, lest
your enemy gain power over you when you are the one who is bringing
thatupon yourself if you do that (neglect Fajr).
May Allah make things easy for you, relieve your worry and distress,
and make you steadfast in adhering to the straight path.
And Allah knows best.
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