A friend of mine took a seat in the place for 'Eid prayer, and he
began to talk to himself secretly, hewas going over the memories of an
entire month…an entire month passed, as if it was one day. As he sat,
he was going over these nights that have now left him, and the days
that were now gone. He tried to linkhimself with some of the people
that were around him, only to find the distance between them far…they
entered the "battlefield" in one day, actually one hour, but he
delayed and procrastinated, no, he actually slept, until they all
passed him. He tried tolook at them as closely as possible, but he was
unable. For indeed they passed him by a great distance, and won the
great big reward… My friend was searching through the "pages" of
hislife, through the actions that he did this past month, so that he
may find something to lift up his broken soul. He turnedto his record
of Qur'anic recitation, and could not find one completion of the Holy
Qur'an! And he would hear, not from the pious people of the past, but
from news of the pious people around him, even the youth, those that
finished reciting the Qur'an 5 times, even those that finished 6
times, actually those that finished the Qur'an 10 times!!
He tries to decrease his depression by turning to his record of
generosity and giving to those around him and those Muslims outside of
his country that are less fortunate, especially because he knows that
Allah has blessed Him with wealth. But he did not do as much as those
who were like him, from charity, prayer, and good deeds…a sigh…a short
silence…his charity and generosity were not proportionate to what
Allah gave him from wealth. The "beggar and the outcast" did not have
a share of his wealth in this month, except a smalltrivial amount.
Actually, there were those noble souls whom Allah Ta'ala saved from
stinginess, who had less money, but gave more…
He turned his face away from this "record" of his life, and he tried
to decrease his pain and sorrow by turning to another "record" hoping
to find himself ahead of others, even if in just one area. So he
turned to the "record" of the restrainingor fasting of his body parts.
Here his hands dropped, he remembered many nights where he allowed his
eyes, ears, and tongue to do dark things…
He remembered the gatherings when he and his friends would watch
television shows that would take a person off the road to Heaven in
thisblessed month, from supplication; to the doors of Hell is where
these outrageous shows would take a person. Movies and sitcoms that a
person with intellect would feel shame to watch--not to mention a
believer that is aware of his heart and actions-- in a month otherthan
Ramadhan. So how about the month of Mercyand Acceptance?!
And my friend remembered, while this pain and sorrow felt as if they
would split his insides, how much time he wasted watching theseworldly
sports and races, that made him too busy to worry about the races to
the hereafter. He remembered this and he was crying for this great
deception: How could he worry himself for these races which would have
one winner out of 500 or more, he would concentrate, time,
energy,money, and only 5,10,or even 100 people would win out of
millions of competitors! He remembered this and he would admonish
himself, how could he ignore the match for which the successful
outcome is guaranteed?! And which success is it? The prize for our
race is gardens, and the pleasure of the Merciful, and rivers, and
trees, and the "companions with beautiful, big, and lustrous eyes,
like unto Pearls well-guarded", and the success rate for the person
who is sincere andfollows, is 100%!! But, he loved the world in which
he overstepped his bounds, and chased after!!
As he was sitting in his place in the place for 'Eid prayer, he looked
and sawsome of his friends sitting and relaxing just as they were
during those Ramadhan nights. He saw them in the best of moods, with
nice clothes, and their smiles that they would give out everywhere.
And when helooked elsewhere, he saw some of the righteous slaves of
Allah, sitting in the front rows, he could see the happiness on
theirfaces. It was as if one of them --had he not been scared to
reveal his good deeds-- would say with his tongue," "Come you all!"
Read this my record!"…they wore new clothes just like his friends, but
what a difference between this smile and that smile, and what a
difference between those new clothes and those new clothes. Here his
feelings began to change, and he started to ask himself questions.
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