happiness? Why am I alone? Why do I feel stuck? Why do I have these
problems?'…
These questions only have meaning if we direct them to Allah. No one
else can answer them. Consider thewords of the Prophet Ya'qub
(alayhis-salam, peace be upon him) when his son Yusuf (as) was
secretly thrown into a wellby his brothers. They then reported to
their father that Yusuf had been killed by a wolf.
And he turned away from them and said, "Oh,my sorrow over Yusuf," and
his eyes became white from grief, and he fell into silent melancholy.
They said, "By Allah , youwill not cease remembering Yusuf untilyou
become fatally ill or become of those who perish."
He said, " I only complainof my suffering and my grief to Allah , and
I know from Allah that which you do not know.
- Quran, Surat Yusuf, 12:84-86
"I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah…"
When you feel stuck, whenyou feel that no one understands your
situation, when you're in pain and you can't even imagine a solution,
only Allah has the answers. Youcan't see a way forward, but He can.
You don't see your own worth, but He does. You can't figure out the
road to happiness, but He can show you.
I remember a night in Arizona when I was twenty six years old. I lay
on a cot in a small, frigid cell. There was snow outside and I had
only a thin blanket. As I often did,I put on all my clothing in layers
– three pants, three shirts, an army jacket and a pair of boots – and
still I kept waking up shivering and shaking. Yet, even more than the
physical discomfort, my spirit was tired. I had made mistakes in my
youth and had been locked up for almost five years. I had become hard
mentally and physically, but my heart was full of sorrow. I lay there
that night and I thought, "I have nothing in life. I haveaccomplished
nothing. I have no university degree, no wife, no children, and not
even my freedom."
That was a bad time. But I had my faith, and I used toweep to Allah,
asking Him to have mercy on me. I think I gave up on myself for a
while, but I never gave up on Allah. It would not even have occurred
to me to do so. I did cry to Him sometimes saying, "Why, Allah? Why?
Why am I here, suffering like this?" But it wasn't despair, only
confusion. In my heart I knew that He heard me and that an answer
would come.
Shortly after that I received a letter from the parole board granting
me early release. I had previously been told very clearly that I was
not eligible. It was entirely unexpected, and if you are familiar with
the Americanpenal system, miraculous. But for Allah, nothing is
impossible or even difficult.
Within a few months I wasfree. I found a job a week after my release,
and I excelled. I began writing, sitting at my desk every night after
work and disciplining myself to workon poetry, stories and articles.
Eventually I went back to school and began a new career, got married,
bought a beautiful house, and one day had a child…
What can I say except Alhamdulillah! SubhanAllah! What can I do except
weep in gratitude for these blessings that I did nothing to earn, but
were given to me by my Lord who loves me and cares about me, and wants
goodfor me. I am so deeply touched and moved by theway Allah has
answered my prayers from the depths of darkness. If I did anything to
merit His blessings, perhaps it was only that I directed my pleas to
Him. I knew that no one else could help me.
This is a very emotional post for me to write. I want every Muslim to
havethis sense of Allah as their friend, as someone who cares for them
deeply. I want to put that awareness into your heart like a gift.
When I was in that cell I used to pray the same dua'over and over,
begging Allah repeatedly. If I had made such pleas to a human being
they would have stopped hearing me long ago. When we're needy with
people it pushes them away, but when we're needy with Allah He comes
closer to us! He never tires of answering our need and forgiving us.
I know of many similar stories of people who havehit rock bottom and
have called upon Allah – or , noteven knowing "Allah" by that name,
have called to the Supreme Being, saying,"I know you hear me, tell me
what I need to do, show me the way!" – and then, like a circle of
sunlight piercing a cloud, something or someone comes into their lives
to show them the way forward.
When we're out of ideas, surrounded by problems, and feeling totally
alone… we're not alone . Allah is with us. If we pray sincerely and
strive, He willput light in our hearts and help us from directions
wedid not expect.
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