Alhamdulillah. But some have parents who are critical, demeaning and
harsh. If you have an abusive parent who tells you that you are
worthless, stupid and good for nothing, you can't spend your life
waiting and hoping for that parent to love you and be proud of you.
It's not going to happen, my friend. Most likely your parent was
raised harshly himself/herself and doesn'tknow how to act any other
way. Accept that reality and learn to value yourself, no matter what
anyone says.
You will have to be strong and independent in spirit. You will have to
find validation of your worth within yourself. You do have worth,
after all. You are as unique and beautiful as the sun and the moon,
the sea and the stars. You are special and gifted and you will need
torealize that on your own, even in the face of external abuse.
Seek your support from Allah.
"And We have certainly honored the children of Adam and carried them
on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and
preferred them over much of what We have created…" – Quran, 17:70.
Allah has honored you. Dignity is your birthright. It's okay if you're
not perfect. No one is. You can still love yourself, with all your
special gifts and funny habits, and whatever is lacking, well, you can
work on it. That's what all of us do.
"I Know Who I Am"
It can be very hard to resist the negative labels that parents put on
us. Their words have a way of worming into our brains even when we
know better. We must be patientwith them and love them, without buying
into their negativity.
Write some positive affirmations about yourself. Affirmations are true
statements that express your best qualities,and also express what kind
of person you strive to be. They represent the ideal you.
I personally have a list of 29 affirmations, and here'snumber 12 on my list:
"12. I am a good son to my parents. I am patient and loving with them.
When speaking to them I maintain a positive, independent and calm
spirit, knowing who I am and confident in my choices."
Read your affirmations every day. Even if you don't quite believe your
own affirmations at times, even if you feel inwardly skeptical, keep
reading them. When you speak to your parents, breathe deeply and
slowly. Don't let anything they say make you anxious or excited. Tell
yourself silently, "I know who I am."
Allah loves you and has a plan for you. Believe this and move forward,
and when you have children, shut down the cycle of negativity and do
better than your parents did. It's okay to be better than your
parents. Any good parent wants their children to surpass them.
Show your own children patience, gentleness and endless love.
May Allah bless you and fillyour heart with self-knowledge,
self-dignity, and hope for the future.
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