He knows the qualities that I am looking for with regard to religious
commitment and character, and he told me that she is not highly
religiously committed, butshe is very obedient and polite and she
wants to become more religiously committed. I went to see her and
during the discussion I found out that she wants to becomemore
committed and she loves the faith, and I felt comfortable with her.
But she was previously engaged. Can I ask her about the details of the
previous engagement andcan I ask her about her life before she
graduated from university and whether she used to mix with young men?
If I lower my expectationson the level of religious commitment that I
am looking for in return for a calm personality and good manners, will
that be regarded as going against the words of the Messenger, "Choose
the one who is religiously committed"? Please note that we share the
desire to build a family on the basis of faith and what is pleasing to
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
You have no need to ask this girl about the details of her previous
engagement or the details of her life before she graduated from
university. In fact you have no right to do that at all. This is the
right of Allah and it is between her and Him. You have no rights over
her at this time such that you could ask her about that or demand it
of her. Rather you have the right to know only what is apparent from
her at present; if she appears to be good and righteous, then go ahead
and propose to her. But do notever ask her or try to find out about
her. And if she does not appear to be good, then forget about her and
do not ask her or try to find out about her.
There is no one among us who does not have anything in his past, or
even in his present, that he hopes Allah will forgive him for and
conceal it in this world and in the Hereafter.
Ibn 'Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Allaah is
Forbearing, Compassionate towards the believers, and He loves
concealment. Narrated by Abu Dawood, 5192. al-Albaani classed its
isnaad as hasan mawqoof in Saheeh wa Da'eef Sunan Abi Dawood
Rather what you should do this the exact oppositeof that. What you
should do, if you come across a fault, is to conceal it as much as you
can, and not to look for faults when everything appears to be sound,
unless you are certain that there is some fauly.
Muslim (2590) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with
him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
"Allaah does not conceal aperson in this world but Allaah will conceal
him onthe Day of Resurrection."
Secondly:
If you like this girl's appearance and you sensethat she is obedient
and good-mannered and she wants to become religiously committed, and
you want to marry her, then there is nothing wrong with you proposing
to her and that is not contrary to the words of the Prophet (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him): "Choose the one who is
religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may
you prosper)." If a woman, in addition to being well mannered and
having a good attitude, also has a sincere desire to adhere to the
rulings and teachings of Islam, then she is of good character and
religiously committed. Those who are of good character and religiously
committed vary and the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) did not describe a specific level of that. Rather he said "Choose
the one whois religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with
dust (i.e., may you prosper)" after saying "Women may be married for
four things: their wealth, their lineage,their beauty and their
religious commitment."
The hadeeth was narratedby al-Bukhaari (5090) andMuslim (1466) to
encourage suitors to look for women who are religiously committed
rather than others.
If the girl is as you have described, then we hope that your marrying
her will be good for both of you and that Allah will help you both in
that.
You could also seek the help of her brother and your relationship with
him to make up what she may be lacking of knowledge and good deeds
during the engagement period.
And Allah knows best.
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