"Mertaban, find me a husband, k? I await your list of potential
suitors," wrote a woman who liveson the East Coast.
Mertaban was not surprised, although he knew the woman only slightly.
"If it comes from a brother or sister whom Idon't know very well, I
know that she would do it out of frustration, desperation or a strong
desire to get married," he explained later.
An information technology project manager who lives in Fullerton,
Mertaban, 30, has grown accustomed to urgent requests — by phone,
email and in person — since he began dabbling in matchmaking for
friends and acquaintances about eightyears ago. Those he helps are
observant young Muslims searching for a modern path to marriage that
stays true to Islam.
American Muslims regularly speak of a "marriage crisis" in their
communities, as growing numbers of Muslims reachtheir late 20s and
early 30s still single. Young religious Muslims tend to avoid
Western-style dating, but many also reject the ways of earlier
generations, in which potential spouses were introduced to one
anotherby family.
Traditionally, in South Asia and the Middle East, older women — often
called the "aunties" — and parents recommended matches by drawing upon
their extensive networks of family, friends and acquaintances.
Marriage criteria were typically limited to religion, ethnicity, jobs
and looks. But in the U.S., their little black books of contacts are
significantly thinner and many second-generation American Muslims see
such methodsas decidedly old-world.
So, many turn to young volunteer matchmakers like Mertaban, who have
connections in their hometowns, college circles and vast online
networks.
Muslims gather for the special Eid ul-Fitr morningprayer at the Los
Angeles Convention Center on August 30, 2011 in Los Angeles,
California.
"The aunties don't really know people very well and I think they're
just shooting in the dark," saidMertaban, whose parents emigrated from
Lebanon. "I think people have veered away from that."
Amir Mertaban, Mohammad's younger brother and a matchmaker as well,
said the goal was "to keep thisas close to Islam as possible. I'm
trying to get people hooked up, but we're trying to do this in a halal
(permissible) manner."
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What is and isn't allowed is debated within the Muslim community. But
those who seek a matchmaker's help tend to steer clear of anything
resembling dating and to avoid meeting one another without a
chaperone. And even though they may see their parents' methods as too
traditional, they are still more comfortable seeking help from a
go-between than online matrimonial sites or singles' events held at
mosques under the guise of "networking."
Mertaban, who is lively with a quick laugh and a wide, almost
Joker-like smile, says he didn't choose to be a matchmaker but fell
into the role after he helped a number of friends.
He grew up in Diamond Bar and has lived in Los Angeles, Irvine and
Fullerton — where he is now a youth mentor at the area mosque —
whichhelped him establish a wide Southern California Muslim network.
In his senior year at UCLA, Mertaban was president of the campus'
Muslim Student Assn. and the following year he was president of
MSA-West, anumbrella group covering much of the West Coast. With
chapters at universities nationwide, ithas jokingly been called the
Muslim Singles Assn.
He was well-liked and known for making other students, especially
freshmen, feel welcome. Many turned to him for advice about their
problems.
"He's a leader… everybodytrusts Mohammad," said Lena Khan, 26, an
independent filmmaker who attended UCLA with Mertaban. "If you need
something at 2 a.m., you know Mohammad is happy to help you."
In a community that observes a certain level ofgender segregation,
Mertaban, because of his leadership roles, interacted regularly with
both men and women. Soon, students began asking him for help finding
potential mates.
His first attempt involved one of his best friends, of Palestinian
descent, and an Indian woman the man was interested in. It didn't
work, partly because of their different ethnicities — a cultural
lesson Mertaban now keeps in mind when suggesting pairings. He
organizes his lists of single men and women by nationality.
The "Single Sisters" directory on his laptop begins with a
28-year-oldAfghan woman and ends with a 25-year-old Syrian.
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