of good character has proposed to my sister, andthere is tentative
acceptance. But my sister has not seen him except fleetingly and I
want her to see him in the manner prescribed in sharee'ah before the
engagement goes ahead, to ensure thatthey are compatible and feel
comfortable about one another, but my father refuses to allow
thisseeing as prescribed in sharee'ah and he wants the engagement to
go ahead immediately. Is it permissible for my sister to see this
young man as prescribed in sharee'ah in my presence, but outside the
home and without myfather knowing about it? If it is permissible, what
are the conditions?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is prescribed for the suitor to see his potential fiancé and to be
allowed to do that; it is also prescribed for her to be allowed to see
him, so that if there is agreement to go ahead with the marriage it is
done on the basis of clarity and insight.
Abu Dawood (2082) narrated that Jaabir ibn 'Abdillah said: The
Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
"When one of you wants to propose marriage to a woman, if he can see
that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, let him do
so." I proposed marriage to a girl and I used to hide and watch her
until I saw that which prompted me to go ahead and marry her, and I
married her.
Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood
He may see that of her that which will prompt him to go ahead and
marry her, such as that which ordinarily appears such as the face,
hands, neck and feet.
It says in ar-Rawd al-Murbi' (p. 332):
It is permissible for the one who wants to propose to a woman and
thinks it most likely that she will accept, to look at what ordinarily
appears, such as the face, necks, hands and feet. End quote.
The Scholars of the Standing Committee said:
It is permissible for the one who wants to marry awoman to look, when
proposing to her, at her face without any feelings of pleasure or
desire, and without being alone with her, according to scholarly
consensus. That is prescribed because of necessity and because it is
more likely to make their marriage stable. And that is sufficient
because the face is the focal point of beauty and by means of this the
need is met. And some scholars regarded it as permissible to look at
the hands too, and whatever ordinarily appears of the woman that may
encourage him to go ahead and marry her. And it is permissible for the
suitor to watch herwhen she is walking in thestreet so that he may see
that which may encouragehim to go ahead and marry her.
End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa'imah, 18/75
See also the answer to question no. 2572
Secondly:
If the matter is as you describe, there is nothing wrong with you
enabling your sister to see this suitor and enabling him tosee her,
even if that is outside the home, on condition that you or a mahram of
hers is present during the meeting. What matters is that he should not
be alone with her and there should be no cause of fitnah, as the
scholars have explained previously.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
He may look at the face, head, hands and feet, on condition that he is
not alone with her; rather one of her mahrams should be present. It is
also essential that there be no risk of fitnah. He should look onlyas
much as is necessary, but if he is not able to see her the first time,
there is nothing wrong with him looking at her another time, but that
is subject to the condition we have mentioned, which is that he should
not be alone with her, because being alone with a woman is haraam.
Similarly, she should not beautify or adorn her face when he looks at
her, because that will have the opposite effect. If he looks at her
when she has beautified herself he will think that she is more
beautiful than she really is, then when heenters upon her (after
marriage) and sees her as she really is, he may be put off and turn
away from her.
End quote from Fataawa Su'aal min Haaj (p. 39)
But you have to make sureyour father does not find out about that, so
that he will not get angry or refuse to let her marry him, when the
marriage is agreed upon.
If it is possible to make him agree and convince him of that, then
that is better and is preferable.
We should also point out that if the passing glance you mentioned was
sufficient for your sister and was also sufficient for the suitor to
form an opinion and lead to an agreement, then this is what is
required and thereis no need to look directly.
And Allah knows best.
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