The problem is that his mother is married and herhusband lives with
us, which exposes me to a lotof haraam situations such as being alone
with him, or his entering upon me suddenly when I am not wearing
hijab. This communal living situationalso prevents us from fully
enjoying intimacy with one another and it deprives me and my husband
of many of our rights. I knew from the beginning that I would beliving
with my husband's family, but I did not realise that the matter would
be so difficult and that it would cause me psychological problems and
a sense of deprivation. Now I have begun to want separate
accommodation, as does my husband, but his mother objects on the
grounds that she is sick and needs him. Please note that she is still
working despite her sickness and she is living her life normally most
of the time. Her younger daughter also lives with her and her older
daughter lives nearby in ahouse that she gave to her, and she visits
her all the time. She also has three other houses that are rented out,
but she refuses to give us one of them and refuses to let uslive
anywhere except with her. She regards our desire for a separate home
to be a betrayal on my part and disobedienceon my husband's part. What
is the solution?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Accommodation is one of the rights of the wife that is obligatory upon
the husband according to scholarly consensus, because Allah, may He be
exalted, has decreed that the husband is obliged to provide
accommodation for the woman who is revocably divorced, as He says
(interpretation of themeaning):
"Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means"
[at-Talaaq 65:6].
So it is more appropriate that he be required to provide accommodation
to the one who is still married. Moreover, Allah has enjoined kind and
honourable treatment between spouses as He says (interpretation of
themeaning):
"And live with them honourably"
[an-Nisa' 4:19].
Part of living with them honourably, as enjoined, is providing the
wife with accommodation in which she and her wealth are secure. The
wife cannot do without accommodation so as to shield her from prying
eyes, and so that she can have her privacy and keepher wealth. Hence
accommodation is one of the rights that she has over her husband.
The majority of Hanafi, Shaafa'i and Hanbali fuqaha' are of the view
that the wife has the rightto accommodation separate from her
husband's relatives, and that she has the right to refuse to live with
his father and mother or one of them.
See: al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 25/109
See also the answer to question no. 7653
If the wife agrees to live with the husband's family,there is nothing
wrong with that, because it is a yielding of her rights on her part.
But that is subject to the conditions that she is safe from falling
into haraam situations with regard to being alone with a non-mahram or
looking, and she has the right to change her mind about this agreement
at any time, because her right to separate accommodation is not waived
as a result of her giving it up.
What you mention about the possibility of being alone with one who is
notpermissible for you, and the possibility of him catching you
unawares when you are not wearing hijab, confirms the necessity of
hasteningto find separate accommodation. It is not obligatory to obey
his mother in this case, because obedience is onlyin that which is
right and proper, and your staying in this family accommodation has
two obvious negative outcomes:
1. It is impossible to relax and enjoy time together which both spouses want
2. There is a risk of falling into haraam
So our advice to your husband is to hasten to find separate
accommodation for you both, and to strive to please his mother with
kind words, frequent visits, checking on how she is, gifts, and so on.
And he should understandthat his leaving his mother's house is not
regarded as disobedience towards her.
And Allah knows best.
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