I was raised in a Christian environment, but from about the age of 7
or 8 I openly refused to accept the idea that God and Christ were one
in the same--nor did I accept thetrinity.
There were six children and my parents. No one else thought as I did,
so you can imagine how very interesting "Bible Study" got at home. My
mother was so shocked by my steadfastness, but nothing she said could
change my mind. As shy as I was, I stood my ground and refused to
accept my families' beliefs. For whatever reason, I simply could not
accept the Christian concepts to the point I got nothing out of the
studies.
When I was fourteen, I decided I wanted to search for what I could not
find in Christianity. I was literally starving spiritually for
something Ihad no name for, but felt it existed somewhere.
I visited other religions--studied with some of them, but there was
always that point where I was aware they were not for me. I just about
visitedevery church/religion you could think of and they allfell short
of the concept I had in my mind and heartfor My true religion. The one
religion I kept searching for was that which I could serve with all my
heart and soul totally, fully, truly and uncondionally beyond a shadow
of a doubt.
I was an oddball among my family and my peers. All during my childhood
strange things happened to me that could not be explained by ordinary
standards. I stood out likea sore thumb. I stopped going to church
except forspecial family funcions and funerals. I prayed to God often,
and tried to live my life each day to the best of my abilities with
God's guidance. I prayed to God to show me where I belonged. I asked
Him where did I belong? I prayed for yearsand years, and would you
believe I finally got my answer? Almost 4 years ago, I got an
unsolicited letter out of the blue froma man who got my name from a
penpal list sent to him by his sister-in-law.
I answered his first letter and from then on, it all was very
interesting. I could read from the flavorof his letters that he was
Muslim; he acknowledgedthis fact. I noticed his beliefs were a lot
like my own and over time,he told me that without knowing it,I
basically lived my life as a believer. We had so much in common when
it came to serving God.
He sent me literature. The first piece of literature was so very
beautiful, I could hardly stand the overwhelming emotion that came
forth as I read it. It touched me to the point that I could not
holdback my tears. I was so shaken by it; I have no words to explain
what was in my heart at that time. I thorouhly studied all the
literature sent thereafter, and it had the same emotional affect upon
me.
There came a point in my studies where I hungered to know more and
more, so I bought my own Holy Quran. I needed to read this Book from
whence allthis beauty and truth flowed. I have never beenable to
simply take someone's word for anything. Religion is definitely not
something to embark upon with"blind" faith; I have always felt the
need to seek truth and knowledgefor myself.
The first day I got the Holy Quran [English translaton], I read the
opening, Al-Fatihah. It was short, but so very beautiful and so
powerful!!! That year I read the entire Holy Quran. I learned the Five
Pillars of Islam and the SixArticles of Faith.
At the age of 45, Allah finally told me where I belonged. I accepted
Islam openly and fully. That which I sought, but had not the name of,
was in fact Islam. I eagerly embraced it fully and as natural as the
air I am blessed to breathe each day I wake. My soul was starving for
Islam, and myheart yearned for it. Islamhas never felt like a stranger
to me. By the Grace, Love and Mercy of Allah, I AM HOME!!!! AMEEN!
As far as I know, I am the first in my generational family line to
become Muslim. Needless to say, my family members were not happy
campers! It was like a single republican [me] being in the midst of
generations of democrats! All praise be to Allah, One of my two sons
embraced Islam a year later.
In closing, I would like to include a part of something I wrote to a
friend who recently apologized for some very harsh/bitter things he
saidwith regard to Muslims/Islam as a result of the 9-11-01 bombings
in the U.S. These words sum up all that I feel for Islam:
"I embraced Islam because I have basically lived my life in this
manner anyway--all my life. ....
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