Forgiveness is not for the weak.Being able to forgive those whohave
wronged you is a mark of spiritual strength and confidence. When you
forgive, you grow, your heart begins to heal, your back straightens
up, your eyes clear so that you can see the road ahead. Anger is a
spiritual sickness; but when youforgive you live.
I know this isn't easy. In an earlier article I mentioned my time in
Fort Worth. There was one particular person there who treated me quite
badly. It's very difficult for me to hold an image of that person in
my mind and say, "I forgive you." It's almost frightening in some
strange way. But in doing it, I feel something in my chest let go, and
I find tears in my eyes, and a smile on my face. SubhanAllah.
It doesn't matter if the other person deserves forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. If someone has hurt you,
don't worry about receiving an apology or explanation, or making them
understand you. You'll rarely getan explanation that makes sense. In
fact, if you want to move on, the best way to do that is to forgive.
Resentment is a chain that binds you to the other person, but
forgiveness breaks the chain, so that you can release that person
along your anger.
Not to mention, as the poet Oscar Wilde said, "Always forgive your
enemies – nothing annoys them so much."
In ancient Chinese thought, the state of forgiveness is like a wide,
deep valley. That's because it opens your mind andallows your thoughts
to flow freely, while anger constricts your mind and makes you blind.
"Hold to forgiveness, command what is right, and turn away from the
ignorant." (Qur'an, 7: 199)
In other words be constantly forgiving but don't give up
yourprinciples ("command what is right"). If you've forgiven the
ignorant and they persist in their hurtful ways, then move on and
leave them behind. Separate yourself from those who are negative, and
seek the company of people who are supportive and kind. Hold no
rancor. When you lay your head on the pillow, sleep in peace, and
you'll wake with tranquility.
I admit that I'm working on this.It's easy to say, "I forgive you."
The hard part is getting to a place where my heart is clear, where I
have no resentment or fear. At times I hold conflicting emotions: I
might love someone, but mistrust them. I think I should take a lesson
from my daughter Salma. I makemistakes with her, but her love flows
like a mountain stream. No one forgives with more grace than a child,
and no one forgives more fully than God.