I'm an international student in a university, I was in a relationship
with a guy for seven years when I was living back home; by that time
we also committed zina. We decided we would come abroad for higher
studies and live together here. Butsomehow he didn't get hisvisa but I
did and I came here because my parents put in too much money for this.
After I came here things started to get bad, he got into a depression
state and was jealous of me coming abroad, he used toconstantly hurt
me and berude and it eventually made me fed up of him and we had a
fight and didn't talk for 20 days.
By that time I met this new guy who was a very good person, always
prayed Salaah and motivated me to do so. Hegave me idea of hijaab and
I started wearing it. He basically introduced meto Allah's mercy a lot
morethan I knew previously. I fell in love with him and we kissed
which was only a spur of the moment. I wanted a person like him to be
my husband who will guide me through Allah's path and I will do the
same for him.
I was afraid to tell him that I committed zina withmy previous bf but
I told him I was in an abusive relationship (which was true). Somehow
my ex knew about this and he contacted my new bf and he told
everything about us.
However, I tried to manage things and we were in a good place with our
relationship and even decided to get married as Ihave also committed
zina with him. But I got dragged again with my previous bf and cheated
on my new bf a number oftimes. I went back home last year and I met my
ex, which my new bf got to know about. So now he hates me too much but
I fell in love with him. I'm trying to repent to Allah but whenever I
ask myselfwhy did I cheat? I get no answer from my heart.
I feel very guilty for mynew bf because he always supported no matter
how much it hurts him. I still want to get married to him but he hates
me too much as well as his family (who knew of my wrongdoings too). I
also feel ashamed to post this here, but I have no other option to
seek advice fromsomeone in an Islamic perspective. Can you please
advise me on what to do?
Thank you,
- Nafisa
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