peace be upon him): "Advise me! "The Prophet said, "Do not become
angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the
Prophet said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious."
[Al-Bukhari; Vol. 8 No. 137]
Resolve to give up anger, even if only for today. Whatever anger you
are harboring against others, let it go. Whatever anger you have
against yourself for mistakes you have made, or for wrongs you have
done, let it go. It's nothelping you, it is only damaging your own
spirit.
Remember that we are human; we are all imperfect. From the very
beginning, starting with Adam and Hawaa (Adam and Eve) we humans made
mistakes.
Other people have made mistakes and harmed you in the past because
they are human; forgive them. You have made mistakes because you are
human; forgive yourself, and turn to Allah in tawbah (repentance).
The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has taught us some strategies for dealing
with anger. For example, he said:
"I know a word, the saying of which will cause him to relax, if he
does say it. If he says: 'I seek Refuge with Allah from Satan' then
all his anger will go away." [Al-Bukhari; Vol. 4, No. 502]
And he said,
"Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire
is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he
should perform ablution." [Abu Daud; Book 41, No. 4766]
Abu Dharr narrated: The Apostle of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam,
said to us: "When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should
sit down. If the anger leaveshim, well and good; otherwise he should
lie down." [Abu Daud; Book 41, No. 4764]
In another hadith, the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, said:
"If one of you becomes angry then he should be silent."
Narrated 'Abdur Rahman bin Abi Bakra: Abu Bakr wrote to his son who
was in Sijistan: Do not judge between two persons when you are angry,
for I heard the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam,saying: "A judge
should not judge between two persons while he is in an angry mood."
[Al-Bukhari; Vol. 9, No. 272]
So the Messenger of Allah sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam , has given us
several strategies to deal with anger:
1. Seek refuge with Allah from Shaytan. This reminds us that fury and
rage are not good things;they are evil forces that we need to get rid
of before they take us over. Seeking refuge with Allahreminds us that
Allah is near, watching us; also it reminds us to turn the matter over
to Allah, so that we can let go of our anger.
2. Perform wudu' (ritual washing for purity). SubhanAllah, what a
beautiful thing. The wudu' is a source of blessings and barakah forus.
It also has a powerful symbolic value, washing away our anger and
making us peaceful and pure.
3. Sit down, or even lie down. Modern science has learned that the
bodyinfluences the emotions as well as the other way around. So
assuming a peaceful posture leads to peaceful emotions. Sitting down
or lying down are non-threatening positions. This helps to defuse any
conflict beforeit escalates.
4. Stay silent. This is very important. All too often spouses or
family members say things to each other in anger, and later they
deeply regret their words. By then it's too late: the words have been
uttered and the damage is done. When you are most angry is precisely
the time to remain silent. Seek refugewith Allah, make wudu, pray, go
for a walk, go to the masjid… allow yourself time to calm down and
reflect.
5. Do not judge between people (in other words make important
decisions). Obviously making important decisions out of anger is a
formula for disaster.
These are all wonderful points for dealing with anger in the moment.
However, in todays "Islamic Sunray" I am also speaking about past
anger.We all have old emotional wounds that we carry around like
scars. We have old resentments and hurts.
If you hold on to these hurts, they will destroy your marriage, or at
least make it an unhappy, chafing relationship. Holding on to
resentments and grudges will destroy your friendships, leaving you
isolated. These persistent negative emotions will eat into yourown
soul, leaving you bitter and unhappy.
Let them go. Modern medicine tells us that carrying around these old
resentments and anger is bad for the health.