will fall asleep quickly so I can hurry to my class before it'sover
(my mother watches her until I return). Sometimes Salma asks me,
"Baba, are you staying home tonight or going to your class?"
I know that if I lie and say, "I'm staying home," that will comfort
her and she'll fall asleep quickly, allowingme to go to class. On the
other hand, if I say, "I'm going to my class," she'll deliberately
struggle to stay awake, chattering and rolling around in bed, because
she does not wantme to leave.
So what do I do? I say, "If you fall asleep soon I will go to my
class, otherwise I will stay." I tell her the truth, even it means
that I miss my class, because I could not live with myself if I lied
to her for selfish reasons, even if it's a "harmless" lie.
Some days I get to my class, some days I don't.
I follow this same strategy in every aspect of my relationship with
her. If shesays, "Baba, can we go to the zoo on Saturday?" I never
say, "We'll see," just to placate her and change the subject. Someone
did that with me in my childhood and I always hated it because I knew
that it really meant "no" and was just an obfuscation. So with Salma I
might say, "If it's sunny we can go to the zoo Insha'Allah," and when
the day comes and it's sunny I will take her to the zoo no matter
what, short of an emergency. Or I might say, "Sorry baby, we need to
goshopping on Saturday and we won't have time."
My point is that I'm always honest with her even whenthe answer may
upset her, and the result is that she trusts me. I see in my
interaction with her that she accepts my word and believes me.
I know these are small examples. There's nothing earth shaking about
tellingthe truth to a little child. But you know, many people do
routinely lie to their children for the sake of convenience.
Wael's daughter Salma at the Fresno Zoo
Le'ts be ourselves and be honest. Le'ts take these small examples and
do a close examination of our interactions with all our family
members, our friends, our work colleagues, and our business partners.
Do we sometimes lie to simplify matters or to make ourselves look
good?
Or do we always tell the truth, even when it's uncomfortable?
If we were to adopt a policy of truth at all times, what consequences
would that have? Really think about it. How would it affect our
credibility, our friendships, and our work relationships?
I believe that, contrary to what our fears and insecurities may tell
us, being honest in all our relationships would lay a deep and strong
foundation and allow those relationships to flourish.
Tell the Truth Without Harm
There should be no exceptions to honesty, but telling the truth is not
a compulsion to harm yourself, nor a justification for harming others.
For example, no Muslim should openly manifest his immoral actions or
past. It was narrated that Saalim ibn 'Abd-Allah said: I heard Abu
Hurayrah say: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) say:
"All of my Ummah will be fine except for those whocommit sins openly.
Part of committing sins openly is when a man does something at night
and Allah conceals it, but in the morning he says, 'O So-and-so, last
night I did such and such.' His Lord had covered his sin all night,
but in the morning he removed the cover of Allah." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990)
In my capacity as an editor of IslamcAnswers.com, I have often been
anonymously asked some version of this question: "I lived a sinful
lifestyle at one point, including committing zinaa, but I have
repented. Now I am engaged to be married andmy fiancé wants to know
about my past. What should I say? If I tell him/her everything, he may
break off the engagement, but if I lie then I'll be building a future
on a foundation of dishonesty."
My response is that one should give a reply along these lines: "My
past is between me and Allah. For whatever sins I have committed, I
have asked Allah's forgiveness and continue to do so. I will notsay
more. Please judge me according to the person I am now, just as I will
do with you."
If that response is not satisfactory to the other person and he
continues topry, I guarantee you he is not good husband (or
wife)material for you. If you don't tell him everything, he will
continue to harangue you endlessly. And if you do, he will be jealous
and probably neverforgive you. No one needs that kind of judgment in
life.
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