This is so true. I have experienced martial arts injuries, cuts from
falling off a bike, and even a few broken bones, but I never think of
them. The scars have faded, and the old wounds have no
emotionalsignificance. But the cruel words people have spoken to me,
those remain like barbs in my flesh. I may have forgiven the people
who uttered the words, but the memories linger.
I remember a dinner party years ago. Someone had spilled food on the
floor near a buffet table and people were stepping on it.In Islam it's
considered disrespectful to God to stepon food, as food is a blessing.
I knelt down to pick up the food and my friend got angry and said that
the restaurant had people to do that, and I was embarrassing myself
and acting like a "pseudo holy man." It makes me laugh now, but at the
time it really stung, and as you can see, the words are still there in
my head, almost twenty years later.
Whoever it was who said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but
words will never hurt me," was foolishly optimistic. Words persist.
They root themselves in our brains and wait, ready to spring out in an
argument years later.
Let's think twice before we speak, especially when we are angry, and
then consider again, and again. When we are provoked and inclined to
say something hurtful, let us bite the words off. Breathe deeply,
praise Allah, seek refuge from Shaytan. Go fora walk, go to the masjid
or the gym. Don't say those mean words, don't send that angry email.
Allah says, "Do not worship except Allah; and to parents do good and
to relatives, orphans,and the needy. And speakto people good [words]
and establish prayer and give zakah." (Quran, Al-Baqarah 2:83).
Look past the hurt that the person has given you, and see the soul
within them, struggling as we all do, battling with disappointment and
insecurity. When you speak, let your words be kind, and see what
happens. You might be surprised.
It's a lifelong struggle. I amstill working on it.
The Arabic word that is translated in Al-Baqarah 2:83 as "good"
(words) is "husnan". It means nice, sweet or beautiful. It means we
should speak words that caress the otherperson's heart and bring
relief to their soul. Words that make people happy, that inspire and
raise hope.Be an agent of hope in this world, not an agent of despair.
But the word "husnan" has many other meanings as well. The same word
is used in the following expressions: husn an-niyyah (good will),
husnaz-dhan (good thoughts or assumptions about someone), husn
al-khuluq (high ethics), husn al-qabul (accepting someone, welcoming)…
Someone might say, "I'm right and I won't back down." That's fine. You
don't have to give up truth to be kind. The Quran says, "and speak to
them words of appropriate kindness." (Quran, An-Nisaa' 4:8).
"Appropriate kindness", what an interesting phrase! The Arabic word is
"ma'roofan". It means speak the truth, but kindly, without arrogance
or anger.
Picture wildflowers growing on a great mountain. The mountain is a
symbol of truth and strength, while the flowers represent sweetness
and gentleness. When you combine them, you get themodel of Islamic
speech.
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