That was a bad time. But I had myfaith, and I used to weep to Allah,
asking Him to have mercy on me. Ithink I gave up on myself for a
while, but I never gave up on Allah. It would not even have occurred
to me to do so. I did cry to Him sometimes saying, "Why, Allah? Why?
Why am I here, suffering like this?" But it wasn't despair, only
confusion. In my heart I knew that He heard me and that an answer
would come.
Shortly after that I received a letterfrom the parole board granting
me early release. I had previously been told very clearly that I was
not eligible. It was entirely unexpected, and if you are familiar with
the American penal system, miraculous. But for Allah, nothing is
impossible or even difficult.
Within a few months I was free. I found a job a week after my
release, and I excelled. I began writing, sitting at my desk every
night after work and disciplining myself to work on poetry, stories
and articles. Eventually I went back to school and began a new career,
got married, bought a beautiful house, and one day had a child…
What can I say except Alhamdulillah! SubhanAllah! What can I do except
weep in gratitude for these blessings that I did nothing to earn, but
were given to me by my Lord who loves me and cares about me, and wants
good for me. I am so deeply touched and moved by the way Allah has
answered my prayers from the depths of darkness. If I did anything to
merit His blessings, perhaps it was only thatI directed my pleas to
Him. I knew that no one else could help me.
This is a very emotional post for me to write. I want every Muslim to
have this sense of Allah as theirfriend, as someone who cares for them
deeply. I want to put that awareness into your heart like a gift.
When I was in that cell I used to pray the same dua' over and over,
begging Allah repeatedly. If I had made such pleas to a human being
they would have stopped hearing me long ago. When we're needy with
people it pushes themaway, but when we're needy withAllah He comes
closer to us! He never tires of answering our needand forgiving us.
I know of many similar stories of people who have hit rock bottom and
have called upon Allah – or , not even knowing "Allah" by that name,
have called to the Supreme Being, saying, "I know you hear me, tell me
what I need to do, show me the way!" – and then, like a circle of
sunlight piercing a cloud, something or someone comes into their lives
to show them the way forward.
When we're out of ideas, surrounded by problems, and feeling totally
alone… we're not alone . Allah is with us. If we pray sincerely and
strive, He will put light in our hearts and help us from directions we
did not expect.
Ask Allah sincerely, open yourself to Him, and accept what He gives
you even when it goes against your own desires. The answers toyour
questions are there, with Allah, I promise you. All those terrible
questions that you ask yourself in the silence of your mind, the
answers are with Allah.
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