How to keep New Year's resolutions
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Every New Year lots of people make promises to themselves and do their
best to keep them but studies have shown that most people fail to keep
New Year's resolutions.
Why do most New Year resolutions fail?
Why can't someone keep a promise that he gave to himself?
Why can't a person stick to something that is very important to his well being?
Why do people fail to stick to very simple tasks such as running 15
minutes a day?
In this article I will tell you the secret behind the failure of New
Year's promises and I will tell youhow to keep New Year
resolutionsthroughout the year.
Why do most new year resolutions fail
In order to know how to keep New Year's resolutions you must first
know why people fail to keep them. Here is a list of the reasons:
*.The Goal was chosen because of peer pressure:Lots of people choose
goals because of the pressure exerted on them by their peers. Some
people want to exercise because they saw their friends exercising or
because someone kept pushing them to do so. ( See how peer pressure
affects you)
*.The subconscious mind isn't convinced:Lots of people want to make
changes to their lives but a part of them may be resisting the change.
For example a person might want to wake up earlybut deep inside him
there is a part that enjoys staying up late. Unless this part is dealt
with he will never manage to sleep early
*.The promise involves changing a symptom not a cause:A person might
promise himself to stop overeatingwithout knowing that the main reason
he eats a lot is the emotional turbulence he suffers from. If that
person eats when he becomes depressed or stressed then his goal should
be modified to helping himself deal with these root causes instead of
dealing with the symptoms.
*.Not understanding his unmet needs:unmet needs are usually the main
driving forces behind our actions. In my book The ultimate guide to
break any bad habiti said that If you have a certain unmet need that
you are satisfying through a certain behavior then unless you find an
alternative way to satisfy this unmet need you won't be able to get
rid of the behavior. For example some people smoke to feel in control,
if they didn't find another way to feel in control then they will
never be able to quit smoking
*.Loss of hope:Loss of hope is one of the most common reasons for
failing to commit to new Year's resolutions. When the progress appears
to be insufficient after a certain amount of time has passed the
person losses hope and stops trying
*.Not understanding that they don't have to make it from the first
try:If a person decided that he won't drink in the new year then did
it once he might lose hope and think that he failed!!
How to stick to New Year's resolutions and keep them
After you understood the main reasons behind the failure of New Year's
resolutions here is a quick plan that can help you avoid those
reasons:
*.Set goals that you really want to achieve:Choose a Goal that you
really want instead of a one that is based on friends expectations
*.Resolve inner conflict:Learn how to convince all parts of your
subconscious mind with the new Year's resolution. This can be achieved
by getting a deeper understanding of your conflicting needs then
taking a conscious decision that helps you make a compromise (see
Becoming happier by understanding your unmet needs)
*.Differentiate between symptoms and root causes:If you lose your
temper because of feelings of resentmentthat results from jealousy
then dealing with jealousy should be your goal and not anger
management
*.Understand your unmet needs and provide alternative ways for meeting
them:If you are an internet addict who wishes to reduce the use of
computers then fix your social life first if socializing was the
reason you overuse the internet
*.You might fail many times before you succeed:Don't put high hopes by
thinking that you will succeeded from the first attempt else your new
year's resolutions will fail
In short keeping New year's resolutions is all about getting a deep
understanding of your behavior and needs then setting them in the
light of this information.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
General, - Diversity isn’t the goal; we must do better
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"Just having a mix of people (diversity) doesn’t mean anything fundamentally changes. And tolerance is terrible; I tolerate my annual mammogram but I certainly don’t like or look forward to it."
Bad behaviour, - * His brother is gay; what are his responsibilities towards him?
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I think my brother is gay, and I say this because of the way he talks, the way he does his hair, the kind of clothes that he wears and the things that he is interested in. One time I used his USB and saw some pornography on it, including anal intercourse, and I do not know whether it was between two men, because I closed it quickly and erased the file. I asked him about it and he said he did not know where it came from, but in the end I found more in his room. I also checked his personal computer and I found out that he visits gay websites in the country where he is studying. My question is: do I have to advise him and warn him about the bad consequences of this sin?
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Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Homosexuality, whether it is among men or women, is one of the most abhorrent of immoral and evil actions that a person may commit, and is one of the most shameful deeds in this world and in the hereafter. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said concerning the one who commits this act that he has committed so great an evil that there is no hope that he will ever be reformed after that; it takes away all his good deeds and removes all modesty and shyness, because after that he will not feel shy before Allah or before His creation.
Indeed, Allah, may He be exalted, destroyed an entire town along with its people, namely the town of the people of Loot, because of this immoral action. See the answers to questions no. 10050, 38622and 20068.
What you must do for your brother is tell him of the shame in this world and in the Hereafter that results from this evil, that it will ruin his spiritual and worldly interests, and that he will become insignificant to Allah and to other people if he persists in it. Warn him of the consequences and the shar‘i ruling on the one who does that.
Then you have to block every means that makes it easy for him to do this immoral action or that calls him to it. If you can move him from the place where he is studying, where he began to find out about these homosexual websites, then you should do so. If he is under your guardianship and you are responsible for him, then you should prevent him from doing that by all possible means. You should remember that you are responsible for him so long as he is under your care and authority.
In fact, even if this sinner was not your brother or you did not have any authority over him, your duty would still be to strive by all possible means to remove this evil that you see and prevent him from doing it, and to advise him for the sake of Allah and warn him of Allah’s punishment.
Muslim narrated in hisSaheeh(70) that Abu Sa‘eed al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.”
See also the answers to questions no. 52893and 39357
Secondly:
These signs that you see in your brother’s appearance, namely his clothes and outward appearance, and the way he speaks, are all evil actions that lead to homosexuality and immorality, even if you do not know that your brother has committed that action. So how about if he were to exhibit signs indicating that he has committed that action?
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursed effeminate men and masculinised women and said: “Expel them from your houses.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5436
Al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
That is, men who imitate women in appearance, clothing, using henna, voice, speech and all their movements. Such actions are prohibited because it comes under the heading of changing the creation of Allah.
An-Nawawi said:
Effeminate men are of two types. One type is those who were created like that and are not trying to imitate the attitude of women and the way they dress, speak and move. For such people, there is no blame, sin, shame or punishment for them because they are excused.
The second type is those who deliberately imitate women in their attitude and movements, and imitate the way they speak and dress. These are the ones who the hadeeth says are cursed. End quote.
We ask Allah to make things easy for you and to set your brother’s affairs straight and help you to discipline him.
And Allah knows best.
I think my brother is gay, and I say this because of the way he talks, the way he does his hair, the kind of clothes that he wears and the things that he is interested in. One time I used his USB and saw some pornography on it, including anal intercourse, and I do not know whether it was between two men, because I closed it quickly and erased the file. I asked him about it and he said he did not know where it came from, but in the end I found more in his room. I also checked his personal computer and I found out that he visits gay websites in the country where he is studying. My question is: do I have to advise him and warn him about the bad consequences of this sin?
-
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Homosexuality, whether it is among men or women, is one of the most abhorrent of immoral and evil actions that a person may commit, and is one of the most shameful deeds in this world and in the hereafter. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said concerning the one who commits this act that he has committed so great an evil that there is no hope that he will ever be reformed after that; it takes away all his good deeds and removes all modesty and shyness, because after that he will not feel shy before Allah or before His creation.
Indeed, Allah, may He be exalted, destroyed an entire town along with its people, namely the town of the people of Loot, because of this immoral action. See the answers to questions no. 10050, 38622and 20068.
What you must do for your brother is tell him of the shame in this world and in the Hereafter that results from this evil, that it will ruin his spiritual and worldly interests, and that he will become insignificant to Allah and to other people if he persists in it. Warn him of the consequences and the shar‘i ruling on the one who does that.
Then you have to block every means that makes it easy for him to do this immoral action or that calls him to it. If you can move him from the place where he is studying, where he began to find out about these homosexual websites, then you should do so. If he is under your guardianship and you are responsible for him, then you should prevent him from doing that by all possible means. You should remember that you are responsible for him so long as he is under your care and authority.
In fact, even if this sinner was not your brother or you did not have any authority over him, your duty would still be to strive by all possible means to remove this evil that you see and prevent him from doing it, and to advise him for the sake of Allah and warn him of Allah’s punishment.
Muslim narrated in hisSaheeh(70) that Abu Sa‘eed al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.”
See also the answers to questions no. 52893and 39357
Secondly:
These signs that you see in your brother’s appearance, namely his clothes and outward appearance, and the way he speaks, are all evil actions that lead to homosexuality and immorality, even if you do not know that your brother has committed that action. So how about if he were to exhibit signs indicating that he has committed that action?
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursed effeminate men and masculinised women and said: “Expel them from your houses.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5436
Al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
That is, men who imitate women in appearance, clothing, using henna, voice, speech and all their movements. Such actions are prohibited because it comes under the heading of changing the creation of Allah.
An-Nawawi said:
Effeminate men are of two types. One type is those who were created like that and are not trying to imitate the attitude of women and the way they dress, speak and move. For such people, there is no blame, sin, shame or punishment for them because they are excused.
The second type is those who deliberately imitate women in their attitude and movements, and imitate the way they speak and dress. These are the ones who the hadeeth says are cursed. End quote.
We ask Allah to make things easy for you and to set your brother’s affairs straight and help you to discipline him.
And Allah knows best.