Engagment, Dought & clear, – * It is better to marry a non-relative or a relative?

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Is it better or preferable for a Muslim to marry someone he is not related to rather than a relative?".
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Praise be to Allaah.
A number of scholars regarded it as mustahabb for a man to marry a woman who is not related to him, and they gave a number of reasons for that:
1 – The child would have good characteristics, because he would take characteristics from his father’s side and his mother’s side.
2 – There is no guarantee that they will not separate which would lead to severing of the ties of kinship.
It says inal-Insaaf(8/16): It is mustahabb to choose a woman who is religiously committed and fertile, a virgin of good lineage who is not a relative. End quote.
It says inMataalib Ooli al-Nuha(5/9): A non-relative, because her children will have better characteristics, and because there is no guarantee that they will not separate, which in the case of marriage to a relative would lead to severing of the ties of kinship, which we are enjoined to uphold. And it is said that non-relatives give children with better characteristics and female cousins have more patience. End quote.
Al-Nawawi said inal-Manhaaj: It is mustahabb to choose a religiously committed virgin who is of good lineage but is not a close relative.” Al-Jalaal al-Mahalli said in hisSharh: “Not a close relative” means a non-relative or a distant relative. The one who is distantly related is better than one who is not related at all. End quote fromSharh al-Mahalli ma’a Haashiyat Qalyoobi wa ‘Umayrah, 3/208.
You can see that there is no text concerning this matter, rather it is the ijtihaad of the fuqaha’ which they based on these interests, which differ from one person to another, and from one type of relationship to another. A man may decide to marry a relative so as to protect her and honour her family, or she may be religiously committed and of good character.
The basic principle is that marriage is permissible. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Zaynab bint Jahsh who was the daughter of his paternal aunt, and he gave his daughter Zaynab in marriage to Abu’l-‘Aas who was the son of her maternal aunt, and ‘Ali married Faatimah, and he was the son of her father’s paternal uncle.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, after quoting the reasons that the fuqaha’ gave, of seeking good characteristics in the children and the fear of severing the ties of kinship:
What they said is true, but if there is someone among the relatives who is better in terms of other considerations (such as religious commitment, lineage and beauty), then that is better. In the event that they are equal in these terms, then a non-relative is better.
So if a female cousin is religiously committed and of good character, and he is in a weak position and needs kindness and support, then undoubtedly such a marriage serves a great interest. A man should pay attention to his interests in this case. There is no shar’i text concerning this matter that has to be followed, hence a person should do what he thinks is in his best interests. End quote fromal-Sharh al-Mumti’, 5/123.
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked about marrying relatives and whether that causes retardation in the children.
They replied: There are no saheeh ahaadeeth which forbid marriage to relatives. The incidence of retardation happens by the will and decree of Allaah and is not caused by marriage to relatives as is widely believed. End quote.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 18/13
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Engagment, Dought & clear, – * It is haraam for a man to be alone with his fiancée or kiss her

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I hope that you can explain the following to me: does kissing the cheeks between an engaged couple mean that they must do the greater purification (ghusl)? What is the case if that is on the mouth?
Does the latter invalidate wudoo’ in the case of a married couple?.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
A man and his fiancée are not married, rather she is still a “stranger” (non-mahram) to him until the marriage contract is completed. Based on this, it is not permissible for him to be alone with her or to travel with her, or to touch her or kiss her. No one should take this matter lightly, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with a needle of iron, that would be better for him than touching a woman who is not permissible for him.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani from the hadeeth of Ma’qil ibn Yasaar (may Allaah be pleased with him); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Jaami(5045).
Concerning the ruling on touching one’s fiancée or being alone with her, al-Zayla’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It is not permissible for him to touch her face or hands – even if there is no fear of desire – because she is still haraam for him and there is no need for that. End quote fromRadd al-Muhtaar ‘ala al-Durr al-Mukhtaar(5/237).
Ibn Qudaamah said: It is not permissible for him to be alone with her because she is still forbidden, and Islam does not allow anything but looking, so she remains forbidden for him. And because if he is alone with her there is no guarantee that something haraam will not happen. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” And he should not look at her with pleasure and desire, or in a dubious manner. End quote.
The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against being alone with a non-mahram woman, and said: “No man is alone with a woman but the shaytaan is the third one present.” Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Jaami’(2546).
Secondly:
With regard to the greater purification (ghusl) being required because of kissing, that is not the case. Rather the greater purification is required if maniy (semen) is emitted or if intercourse takes place. This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 7529.
Thirdly:
With regard to wudoo’ being broken by touching a woman,
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI