Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * He got to know her through a forum and he wants to propose marriage to her

Share ::-

I am a 26 years old man. I knew a girl via the internet. She is 20 years old. We had a very normal relationship initially through a forum. Then we started to message each other via E-mail. I felt comfortable with her, and she felt the same. Some time later I expressed my wish to marry her. It was a surprise for her, and then she told me afterwards that she accepts. This decision I made to marry her is based on: 1- I felt very comfortable with her, 2- she is from a decent family, which is suitable for me, 3- she is moral girl,…etc. we know each other for one year now. Allah witnesses that we never talked about sex. We call each other by telephone very few times, nearly once a month, just to ask how she is. But we message each other all the time through the E-mail. She and I wish to have a halal relationship by marriage. Do you advise me to do so or not? Allah witnesses that my intention is pure, also please tell me a suitable way in which I can tell my mother to engage her for me.
-
Praise be to Allaah.
We have previously explained that it is haraam to form relationships between men and women and for them to correspond for the purpose of getting to know one another, in the answers to questions no. 34841 and 82196. That is because of the fitnah (temptation) and infatuation that result from that, and because it may lead to direct contact and the haraam words and actions that may result from that.
InFataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah(17/67) it says: It is not permissible for you to correspond with a young man who is not your mahram to get to know him, because that is something that leads to fitnah (temptation) and to evil and corruption. End quote.
The peace of mind or feeling comfortable that you mention is something that is to be expected, because humans are created to be inclined towards the opposite sex, so you want that and like it and feel comfortable with it. Then comes the fitnah that we have warned about. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “This world is sweet and green, and Allaah will make you successive generations therein, so look at what you do. Beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah (trial) among the Children of Israel had to do with women.” Narrated by Muslim (2742).
Hence you have to repent to Allaah and stop this correspondence and contact, because this girl is a non-mahram who is not permissible for you. She should also understand this fact. A happy marriage cannot be based on sin and transgression of the sacred limits.
Secondly:
There is nothing wrong with marrying this girl after asking about her religious commitment and character and her family’s circumstances. If she is religiously committed and of good character, and her corresponding with you was a slip, then pray istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, and go to her wali (guardian) and propose marriage to her.
After you have asked about her, you may find a suitable way to tell your mother about her, such as finding a girl who is known to some of your relatives and friends and so on, because telling her that you got to know her via the internet may be a reason for rejecting her.
We ask Allaah to help you to choose a righteous wife who will make you happy and help you to obey Allaah.
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * Her fiancé refuses to let her wear hijab

Share ::-

I am a religiously-committed Tunisian girl, but I have a problem. My fiancé refuses to let me wear hijab – even modern hijab. I am wondering whether I should go ahead with the marriage or reject him? Please note that most Tunisians are like this.
-
Praise be to Allaah.
Our advice to you is to heed the command that Allaah has given to all people, the earlier and later (generations), advice that combines the best of this world and the Hereafter. Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And verily, We have recommended to the people of the Scripture before you, and to you (O Muslims) that you (all) fear Allaah, and keep your duty to Him”
[al-Nisa’ 4:131]
What goodness can there be in this world if it involves incurring the wrath of the Lord, may He be exalted? What happiness can there be if it is not following that path that leads to Allaah’s pleasure? Would a believer be happy to make gains in this world and lose out in the Hereafter?
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Fear Allaah and keep your duty to Him. And let every person look to what he has sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what you do.
19. And be not like those who forgot Allaah (i.e. became disobedient to Allaah), and He caused them to forget their ownselves (let them to forget to do righteous deeds). Those are the Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah).
20. Not equal are the dwellers of the Fire and the dwellers of the Paradise. It is the dwellers of Paradise that will be successful”
[al-Hashr 59:18-20].
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told men to choose a wife who is religiously-committed, and he told women and their guardians to choose a man who is also religiously-committed.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inal-Silsilah al-Saheehah(1022).
The man who prevents his wife from wearing hijab is not a man of good character or religiously committed who deserves to be married. Rather it is most likely that the one who prevents his wife from wearing hijab will also be negligent about other major sins and actions that doom one to Hell. How can he protect his wife and household, or how can he raise his children to obey Allaah when he is disobeying Him and telling others to do likewise?
It says inal-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah(24/62):
The wali (guardian) should not give the female relative in his care in marriage to anyone but a man who is pious and righteous. End quote.
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said inal-Muntaqa(4/question no. 198):
When marrying, we should choose righteous spouses who adhere firmly to their religion, who respect the sanctity of marriage and the importance of good treatment (of spouses). It is not permissible to be careless with regard to this matter. Such heedlessness has become widespread nowadays, with regard to this important matter. People give their daughters and female relatives in marriage to men who do not fear Allaah and the Last Day, and they end up complaining about the husbands and they are confused about how to deal with them. If they had looked for a righteous man before marriage, Allaah would have made it easy for them (to find such a man). But in most cases this stems from negligence and a failure to seek righteous husbands, and a bad man can never be suitable. It is not permissible to take this matter lightly, because (such a man) will mistreat the woman and he may lead her away from her religion or influence her children. End quote.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said inFataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb(al-Nikaah/Ikhtiyaar al-Zawj/question no. 16):
What the woman’s guardian must do if a suitor comes to propose to her is to find out about his religious commitment and character. If they are good then he should give her to him in marriage, and if they are not good then he should not do so, and Allaah will bring to his female relatives one who is religiously committed and of good character, for when Allaah knows that the reason why the guardian did not give her to that suitor was so that a man of good character and religious commitment could propose to her, then He will help him to find such a man. End quote.
What we think is that you should not accept this fiancé, and Allaah will compensate you with someone better than him.
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI