Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * If a woman is impressed with a man’s character and religious commitment, can she offer herself to him for marriage?

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I am a religiously committed young woman, twenty-seven years old. I have memorised the Book of Allah and I work as a Qur’an teacher. I am seeking Islamic knowledge, and I have characteristics that make men often come to propose marriage to me. But I have rejected all of those who have come to propose marriage to me because of the weakness of their religious commitment. I am suffering pressure from my family because I always reject suitors, and because I left my government job due to free mixing in the workplace. Recently they have begun to put more pressure on me, and they want me to accept any man. All that matters is that I get married. Of course marrying someone from outside the tribe is not allowed. I am not looking for wealth or a wealthy man, or a man of high position, or a handsome man. Rather I want a man who is righteous and can help me to obey Allah and keep me chaste, and so that I can put an end to these never-ending problems with my family. Therefore I thought of proposing myself to a man among our acquaintances, to whom we are connected through ties of marriage. He is a man of good character and religiously committed; he has memorised the Book of Allah and is seeking Islamic knowledge. I am thinking to do that by sending a cell phone message – in a suitable manner and with all proper etiquette. I have no relationship with this man at all, but I found out his phone number by mistake. I do not want to involve a third party in this matter, and I do not want to involve any other party, because the matter will be awkward for both sides. Also, I do not feel confident that the matter will not be talked about and I cannot find anyone I can trust completely to not disclose my secret. What is the Islamic ruling first of all? Then what do you think about a girl who does such a thing? How would the man regard a woman who proposes marriage for herself? What do you advise me to do?
Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to complete His blessing upon you and to increase you in knowledge, etiquette and modesty. We ask Him, may He be exalted, to make it easy for you to find a righteous husband with whom you can form a righteous family.
You did well to leave your job where there was haraam mixing, and you did well when you refused the suitors who are not of good character and religiously committed, and you did well when you asked before corresponding with that man.
Secondly:
It is not haraam or shameful – for those who think rationally – for a woman to offer herself for marriage to a man who is of good character and religiously committed. If anyone denounces that, then he is not denouncing it on the basis of Islamic standards, but on the basis of customs and traditions, and sometimes women denounce that out of jealousy on their part.
It was narrated that Thaabit al-Banaani said: I was with Anas, and he had with him a daughter of his. Anas said: A woman came to the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and offered herself to him (for marriage). She said: O Messenger of Allah, do you have any need of me? The daughter of Anas said: How lacking in modesty she was; how shameful, how shameful! Anas said: She was better than you; she wanted to marry the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), so she offered herself to him (for marriage).
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4828)
Imam al-Bukhaari included this report in a chapter entitled: Chapter on a woman offering herself for marriage to a righteous man.
The righteous woman hinted at her desire to marry Moosa (peace be upon him) by saying – as Allah, may He be exalted, tells us (interpretation of the meaning):“And said one of them (the two women): ‘O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong, the trustworthy’” [al-Qasas 28:26].
What appears to be the case is that she was the one whom her father offered in marriage to Moosa (peace be upon him), as Allah, may He be exalted, tells us (interpretation of the meaning):“He said: ‘I intend to wed one of these two daughters of mine to you, on condition that you serve me for eight years’” [al-Qasas 28:27].
This is a message to your guardians, telling them that they should fear Allah, may He be exalted, and give up this tribal feeling and look for a righteous man to whom they may give you in marriage. At least they should not reject anyone who is of good character and religiously committed. That righteous man offered his daughter in marriage to Moosa (peace be upon him) after she herself had implicitly suggested that, and that righteous woman offered herself in marriage to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) openly, without hinting. In both cases that was not contrary to modesty; rather it was indicative of strong religious commitment and mature thinking on the part of the woman and on the part of her guardian.
Inal-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah(30/50) it says:
It is permissible for a woman to offer herself for marriage to a man, and to tell him that she is interested in him, because of his righteousness and virtue, or because of his knowledge and honourable status, or because of his commitment to religion, a d there is nothing shameful in her doing that; rather it is indicative of her virtue. Al-Bukhaari narrated in the hadith of Thaabit al-Banaani that he said: I was with Anas… – And they quoted the hadith referred to above. End quote.
Thirdly:
Having stated the above, we will offer you advice that will benefit you – in sha Allah – with regard to your question. We tell you the following:
1.
Avoid corresponding directly with him. You can convey the message to him via another number that he does not know, and that does not belong to anyone in particular. This is something that will be easy for you to do. Send a message to him from that number, letting him know of your interest in marrying him. This message may be sent giving the impression that it comes from someone who knows both parties, and advise him not to miss this opportunity. This is better than speaking to him directly – as we think – because matters may not turn out as you hope, which would cause embarrassment for you and for him. Moreover, there is no guarantee that a person will remain as religiously committed and righteous as he is now, and there is the fear that he may use this to shame you later on. Hence the scholars stipulated, with regard to the “righteous man”, that righteousness is not only knowledge and is not only memorisation of Qur’an; rather righteousness is acting in accordance with knowledge and the Qur’an, and acquiring the characteristics promoted by them.
2.
If you do correspond with him, you should not get carried away in corresponding; rather it is permissible for you to correspond with him concerning a specific matter. This correspondence may lead to temptation for him or for you, or for both of you.
3.
You should avoid telling anybody or asking anybody to mediate between you, because we see that you are aware of this issue.
4.
The man’s circumstances may not be conducive to marriage, or he may have already proposed to someone and does not want a second wife. If you find out that this is the case, then do not contact him again, for there is no reason to continue the correspondence. The purpose of the correspondence will have been achieved by conveying your proposal of marriage to him.
5.
If it turns out that it is not Allah’s will for you to marry him, then you should not be attached to him. It will be no secret to you – in sha Allah – how dangerous such attachment may be and how it can distract one from obeying Allah, and distract one from memorising and reviewing Qur’an, and can distract one from seeking knowledge, in addition to what it causes of diseases of the heart (spiritual diseases) and inclination towards sin.
6.
We advise you to pray istikhaarah before you send any message, and after you have sent a message and told him. The Muslim does not know where goodness lies for him in this world and the hereafter, and he is unaware and helpless, so he should ask his Lord, the All-Knowing, All-Powerful, to choose for him and to make easy for him that which is best, and to divert from him that which is bad for him.
7.
You should understand that someone other than him may be better for you than him. So long as you have followed Islamic guidelines in informing him, and offering yourself to him for marriage, and you have prayed istikhaarah, asking Allah, may He be exalted, for guidance, and it has not been decreed that there should be a marriage between you two, then do not despair of the mercy of Allah and do not give up calling upon Him, may He be exalted, and do not compromise on the issue of good character and religious commitment in anyone who comes to propose marriage to you. Bear with patience any pressure from your family, for“verily, with the hardship, there is relief” [al-Inshiraah 94:5].
However, if you have anyone among your mahrams, such as your brother or your paternal uncle, who is close to you and you can talk to him about that, and he can take care of this matter, as many men take care of arranging the marriages of their daughters to men who are of good character, without any objection or disapproval on their part – if that is possible in your case, then the matter will be easier and farther removed from risk, and will give you more peace of mind, in sha Allah.
We ask Allah to make available to you someone who can take care of this matter for you.
And Allah knows best.








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Editor & Publisher M NajimudeeN - INDIA
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Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * What are the defects that must be disclosed to a potential marriage partner?

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I have been suffering from a mental illness for several years. For a while, I have been praying regularly, reading Qur’an, remembering Allah (dhikr), giving charity and helping people a great deal, and I am much better, but I feel that the illness is still lurking. Is it obligatory for me to inform anyone who proposes marriage to me about that?
Praise be to Allah
We ask Allah to heal you and grant you well-being. It seems to us that this illness is not real. If we assume that it is real, then we would say: if this illness would not have any impact on married life or on raising children, then there is no need to inform a prospective marriage partner about it. But if it does have some impact, in the sense that it may result in some problems after marriage that would prevent you from developing bonds of love and creating a tranquil home, then you must tell him about that, because concealing it would be a kind of deceit. It is proven that deceit is forbidden in general terms from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), according to which the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever deceives (people) does not belong to me.” Narrated by Muslim, 102.
You should not pay any attention to imaginary things with regard to your illness. Most such things are tricks of the Shaytaan, and are aimed at preventing you from getting married and keeping yourself chaste.
The basic guidelines with regard to informing a suitor about illness in the prospective wife are as follows:
1. if the sickness will have any impact on married life and will affect the wife’s ability to fulfil her duties towards her husband and children;
2. if it will be off-putting to the husband because of its appearance or smell;
3. if it is real and permanent, and is not something imagined or temporary that will disappear with the passage of time or after marriage.
The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas were asked:
There is a young woman who is occasionally affected by periods of insanity, then it goes away again, and she goes back to normal for a period that may be long or short. Sometimes prospective suitors come to propose marriage to her, the family finds it difficult to arrange a marriage for her, because they do not know how to tell the prospective suitor about the situation and they are very hesitant, which leads to missing out on the opportunity to get married. Recently the family have decided that they would rather get her married to a person who has some kind of disability or other problem, so that it will be easier for him to accept her. Now there is a potential suitor who is infertile, and another who is the son of her paternal aunt, who has proposed to her and has stated that he is aware of her illness. But the problem is that the mother of this young man – i.e., the paternal aunt of the girl – has the same sickness, and when we asked the doctor what he thought about this marriage, he said that he did not recommend it, because the probability of having children who were affected by the same illness was great.
My question is: what is the Islamic ruling on such a marriage? If it turns out that it produces a child who is also ill, will we have the ones who are responsible for that, as we would have played a role in bringing about this marriage? Please note that the possibility of producing children who are also ill is great.
They replied:
You should not prevent the girl from getting married, and you should give her in marriage to this man who has come to propose to her, and leave the matter to Allah. You should ignore the doctor’s advice which is based on probability, because marriage serves a purpose for both parties and protects the girl from the risk of spinsterhood, on condition that she agrees to marry the man of whom her guardian approves for her.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal ash-Shaykh.
Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah, 18/194
They were also asked:
If a girl has a problem in the uterus or with her menstrual cycle that requires treatment which may delay any chance of bearing children, should the suitor be told about that?
They replied:
If this problem is something temporary, something that happens to women then disappears, then it is not necessary to tell the suitor about it. But if this problem is a serious disease or it is not a minor, temporary problem, and the proposal comes when she still has this problem and has not been healed of it, then in that case her guardian must inform the suitor of it. End quote.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal-ash-Shaykh, Shaykh Saalih ibn Fawzaan al-Fawzaan,Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd
Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah, 19/15
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen was asked:
There is a man who proposed marriage to a woman, but it is known that this woman has a physical defect, which is hidden and not obvious, and there is the hope that it may be cured, like leprosy and vitiligo. Should the suitor be told about that?
He replied:
If a man proposes marriage to a woman, and she has a hidden defect, and there are people who know about it, then if the suitor asks about her, it is obligatory to disclose it. This is quite clear. But if he does not ask, then he should be told about it because this comes under the heading of sincere advice, especially if it is something that there is no hope of it going away. But if there is hope of it going away, then this is easier. However there are things that may go away, but they go away slowly, such as leprosy for example – if it is true that it may go away, but up till now we know nothing to suggest that it may go away. So there is a difference between that which it is hoped will go away soon and that which it is hoped will go away later on. End quote.
Liqaa’aat al-Baab al-Maftooh, 5/ question no. 22.




















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