Engagment, - Dought& clear, - * She is refusing those who propose marriage – could it be sihr (witchcraft)?

I am a 28 years old girl. Religious and cultured, everyone respects
and loves me, Alhamdulillah. I am not married, and the reason is that
whenever anyone proposes to me I try to find any mistakes in him; to
refuse his proposal, and then I regret. I have a friend who I trust a
lot. She loves me and loves to see every good happening to me. Few
days ago she said to me: "the reason why you refuse everyone is a
spell on you by a person who does not want you to marry", I want to
know the Islamic ruling on my matter. Can it really be sihr? I mean:
can someone put a spell on me to make me refuse marriage even if I was
persuaded by the person who wants to marry me? If this is right then
what is the solution? She told me also that there are people who can
break this spell. Please help me as I frankly do not believe this.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
One of two scenarios must apply with regard to the suitor whom you are
rejecting:
1 – He actually does have bad characteristics.
2 – That is an illusion on your part, and is not actually the case.
If the former is true, then you have done well to reject him and not
accept him as a husband. No husband is fit for a woman except one who
is religiously committed and of good character; he is the one who can
guide her to do good and help her to obey her Lord, and raise her
children in the best manner.
But we must draw attention to something that is very important, which
is that it is not up to people to judge what is inside people's
hearts, and no one is enjoined to do that. Even the Messenger of
Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I have
not been commanded to check people's hearts or split open their
bellies (meaning checking what is in their hidden thoughts)."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4351) and Muslim (1064).
As we are not enjoined to do that, how people appear outwardly to be
is sufficient for us. If someone appears to us to be good, we trust
him, and we judge him as he appears to be, and his case is up to
Allaah.
It was narrated that 'Abd-Allaah ibn 'Utbah said: I heard 'Umar ibn
al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) say: "People used to be
judged by the wahy (revelation) at the time of the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), but now the wahy has
ceased. Now we will judge you according to what we see of your outward
deeds. Whoever appears good to us, we will trust him and draw close to
him, and what is in his heart has nothing to do with us. Allaah will
call him to account for what is in his heart. And whoever appears bad
to us, we will not trust him and we will not believe him, even if he
says that inwardly he is good." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2641.
Soon, if you examine people and try to find out how they are inside,
no one will be good enough for you. Look at yourself first: are you
free of the things that you look for in others?
It was narrated that Mu'aawiyah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
I heard the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) say: "If you seek out people's faults you will soon corrupt
them or almost corrupt them."
Abu'l-Darda' said: A word that Mu'aawiyah heard from the Messenger of
Allaah by which Allaah benefited him.
Narrated by Abu Dawood (4888) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
Al-Manaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Because people indulge
in gossip and may accuse others of something that has no basis.
Seeking out suspected faults may lead to the very faults that he wants
to remove.
To sum up: The Lawgiver seeks to conceal wherever possible.
Fayd al-Qadeer(1/559).
So our advice to you, and to all our sisters who are looking for a
suitable husband, is that the woman should not be so strict in the
conditions that should be met by the husband with regard to character
and religious commitment, for two reasons:
1 – She may not herself have the level of religious commitment and
beauty that would make men who are of good character and religious
commitment seek her out and propose to her. In that case there is no
justification for her refusal, because it may be impossible or very
difficult for the one who she imagines to come and seek her as a wife.
She should pay attention to this matter because it is important.
2 – People vary in their character and level of religious commitment.
If there comes to her one who is of good character and religiously
committed, she should realize that there are some who are better then
him and others to whom he is superior. Hence she should accept one who
is god enough to be her husband and help her to keep chaste and direct
her to that which is good.
If the latter is the case, then it is more likely that it is caused by
destructive envy (hasad) or witchcraft. This kind of witchcraft is
called sihr al-ta'teel. You can find out if this is the case if the
one who proposed marriage is of good character and religiously
committed, and has no faults, and you accept him and he accepts you,
but then nothing happens, or you reject him for no apparent reason.
Shaykh 'Abd-Allaah ibn 'Abd al-Rahmaan al-Jibreen (may Allaah preserve
him) said:
As for witchcraft that prevents marriage: women often complain of sihr
al-ta'teel, as marriage does not happen even though the conditions are
met and there are no impediments. Suitors may come and be accepted,
but then they go away without anything being achieved. Undoubtedly
this is due to a reason caused by some enviers to prevent the marriage
from being completed, to the extent that some girls remain without
marriage and if the marriage does go ahead in some cases, there
happens something to prevent the couple from getting along and having
a happy life.
Al-Sawaa'iq al-Mursalah fi Tasaddi li'l-Musha'widheena wa'l-Sahrah(p. 175).
Secondly:
The solution in both cases is easy, in sha Allaah. If it is the matter
of you being too strict about the qualities that you want in a
husband, then you should realize that the solution to this problem is
to accept a husband who has the qualities of manliness, love of good
and religious commitment that prevent him from doing haraam things.
People vary in this, so accept the one who is commended to you by a
sincere and trustworthy advisor who is a good and religiously
committed person, and knows your situation and that of the suitor.
Perhaps Allaah will cause him to be good for you.
If you have been afflicted with the evil eye or a spell has been
worked against you, the solution lies in dealing with it in the ways
prescribed in sharee'ah, which we have explained in the answers to
question no. 13792, 11290and 12918.
There is no need to look for people to undo the spell; reciting
Qur'aan and ruqyahs is something that you can do by yourself. If you
are not able to do that, then look for a sister whose religious
commitment you trust to do that for you, and try to keep away from
men.
We ask Allaah to help you to do all that is good, and we ask Him to
make you steadfast in adhering to His religion, and to bless you with
a righteous husband.
And Allaah knows best.

Engagment, - Dought& clear, - * He loves a girl and her father agrees to them marrying but her mother refuses

I love a girl who is related to me but her mother does not agree to
giving her to me in marriage, but her father agrees to everything.
What is your answer? I am still keeping her picture.
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Praise be to Allaah.
What counts in order for a marriage to be valid is the consent of the
woman's wali (guardian), which is her father in this case. As for the
mother, it is not essential that she give her permission or consent,
but it is recommended for the father to consult her as a sign of
respect towards her.
Based on this, if the father of the girl agrees, then he can arrange
the marriage contract with you, but is it right to go ahead with this
marriage? That depends. If the girl is religiously committed and of
good character, and the mother's refusal is based on minor reasons or
something that can be rectified in the future, then there is nothing
wrong with going ahead with this marriage. But if her refusal is based
on something that cannot be rectified soon, then it is better not to
go ahead with this marriage, because the mother's attitude may affect
your married life.
Determining what is best in this case needs an examination of the
details of the matter. But in general terms we may say that it needs
you to weigh up the pros and cons, and to look at the nature of the
girl and how much she is influenced by her mother's attitude, if she
will put pressure on her or tell her to go against you. As for your
saying that you are still keeping her picture, if what you mean is
that you have a photo of her, this is not permissible for two reasons:
1 – She is a stranger (non-mahram) to you, so it is not permissible
for you to look at her. This looking is one of the doors that lead to
fitnah. Hence Islam enjoins lowering the gaze, as it says in the verse
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden
things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts).
That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do"
[al-Noor 24:30]
2 – It is not permissible to keep photos for memories, even if they
are pictures of one's sons and daughters or mahrams, because of the
general meaning of the evidence which indicates that making images is
haraam, and the stern tone of that evidence. It is not permissible to
take pictures of animate beings except in cases of necessity and
urgent need, such as ID photos and pictures of criminals and so on.
Based on this, you have to get rid of this picture and understand that
Allaah is watching you and can see you, so fear Allaah and fear His
punishment, and conceal the 'awrah of believing women, and wish for
them what you would wish for your own family of concealment and well
being.
Do not marry until you ask Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah).
We ask Allaah to guide you.
And Allaah knows best.

Shirk and its different forms, Dought & clear,- * She is asking about the ruling on her husband who went to practitioners of magic and stopped praying

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My mother emotionally blackmailed me into marrying my first cousin 9 years ago when I was just 15 years old. i kept quiet out of fear and since then have been blessd with 3 beautifil boys alhamdulillaah. Since the last 2 years we have been problems and he went to see someone who plays with magic. As far as my limited knowledge is concerned that takes one out of the fold of islam. Also for a while he was neglecting his prayers and would only d pray sometimes anod do his jumah. But he has rpented since and prays 5 times a day alhamdulillaah. HE also said he didnt know what he was doin with regards to the magic as he was not in the right state of mindbut i dont know what to think as he said he diddnt know it was wrong amd kufr as he thought it would get us out of a difficult situation. He possesses no knowledge with regards to deen so my questions are:
1. Did the magic take him out of islam??, is it the same ruling for one who knows that its wrong and one who doesnt ?.
2. Also did the fact he neglected some of his prayers take him out of islambecause said he repented and started praying agai.n.
3.Also he left the house 3 months ago and before he left he said to my mum she is finished from me and me from her' does tha count as a talaq? As he wa angry and left the house. He is currently abroad and hasnt really provided for the kids or me. H left all our debts to me but he said he will contribute once i let him back in but i dont know what to do. i love my kids and would do anything for them.
I hope you can assist me in this matter soon as this has affected me and especiallymy 3 children who are all under the age of 8. It has left them distrssed and they want him back in the house. He has gone abroad for now and will be back iwthin a few weeks and i need this matter resolved soon inshaAllaah.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Going to practitioners of magic, soothsayers and fortune-tellers is a major sin, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever goes to a fortune-teller and asks him about something, his prayer will not be accepted for forty nights.” Narrated by Muslim, 2230.
And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever goes to a soothsayer and believes what he says has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him).”
The one who goes to a fortune teller or practitioner of magic and believes his claim to have knowledge of the unseen has gone out of Islam.
But if he goes to him but does not believe his claim to have knowledge of the unseen, then he has committed a major sin but he has not gone out of Islam by doing that.
If the man was ignorant and did not realise that going to practitioners of magic is haraam, then we hope that this is an excuse for him before Allah, may He be exalted. So there are no consequences for his going to them and he has not gone out of Islam by doing that.
But in the case of one who goes to a practitioner of magic knowing that that is haraam, this is the one who has committed a major sin that may reach the level of going out of Islam.
See also the answer to questions no. 112069and 32863.
Secondly:
The ruling that the one who does not pray out of laziness becomes a kaafir is the subject of a great difference of opinion among the scholars and each point of view has evidence on which it relies. The fatwa adopted by this website suggests the most likely opinion to be correct is that which says that the one who does not pray is a kaafir; this is the view of many scholars.
This has been discussed previously in the answers to questions no. 10094and 5208.
Praise be to Allah Who has blessed your husband and guided him to start praying and to pray regularly.
Thirdly:
If a man says concerning his wife, “she is finished from me and me from her”, this is a phrase that may be understood as referring to divorce or it may not. Hence it cannot be deemed to count as a divorce unless the husband aimed thereby to divorce her and that was his intention; if he did not intend to divorce her and did not aim to do that, then no divorce has taken place.
As your husband has come to his senses and has started to pray regularly and has repented from going to practitioners of magic in addition to the fact that he was unaware of the shar‘i ruling at that time, what you have to do is to turn over a new leaf with him. And we ask Allah to bestow His mercy upon you and to reconcile between your hearts and bring you back together.
And Allah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Shirk and its different forms, Dought & clear,- * Cursing Islam in a Moment of Intense Anger

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A man cursed Islam in a moment of intense anger – what is the ruling on that? What are the conditions of repentance from this action? Is his marriage to his wife annulled as a result?
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Praise be to Allah
The ruling on the one who curses Islam is that he is a kafir (disbeliever), because cursing Islam or making fun of it constitutes apostasy from Islam and disbelief in Allah and in His religion. Allah tells us of some people who made fun of Islam and then said. “We were just joking and playing,” but Allah tells us that this joking and playing is in fact mocking Allah, His signs and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and that they were committing kufr (disbelief) thereby. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“If you ask them (about this), they declare: ‘We were only talking idly and joking.’ Say: ‘Was it at Allah, and His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and His Messenger that you were mocking?
Make no excuse; you disbelieved after you had believed.’” [9:65, 66]
Mocking the religion of Allah, or cursing the religion of Allah, or insulting Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), or making fun of them, is kufr that puts one beyond the pale of Islam. However, there is room for repentance from this, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Say: O ‘Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [39:53]
If a person repents from any kind of apostasy and his repentance is sincere and meets all the conditions of repentance, then Allah will accept his repentance. There are five conditions of repentance, which are as follows:
1 – Being sincere towards Allah in repentance, i.e., the motive for repentance should not be a desire to show off, or fear of another person, or the hope for some worldly gain to be made by repenting. If a person’s repentance is sincerely for the sake of Allah alone, and the motive for it is fear of Allah and fear of His punishment and hope for His reward, then it is sincerely for Allah alone.
2 – He must regret what he has done of sin, by feeling remorse and sorrow for what has happened in the past, and he should regard it as a serious matter that he has to give up.
3 – He must give up the sin and stop persisting in it. If his sin was omission of an obligatory duty, he must start doing it and make it up if he can. If his sin was commission of a forbidden action he must give it up and keep away from it. If his sin had to do with other people, then he must restore their rights to them or ask for their pardon.
4 – He must resolve not to go back to it in the future, by having the determination in his heart not to go back to the sin from which he has repented.
5 – His repentance must come at the time when it will be accepted. If it comes after that time it will not be accepted. The time of acceptance is general and specific.
The general time is when the sun rises from the west; repentance that comes after the sun rises from the west will not be accepted, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The day that some of the signs of your Lord do come, no good will it do to a person to believe then, if he believed not before, nor earned good (by performing deeds of righteousness) through his faith. Say: Wait you! We (too) are waiting.” [6:158]
The specific time is when death is imminent. When death is imminent repentance will be of no benefit, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil deeds until death faces one of them and he says: ‘Now I repent;’ nor of those who die while they are disbelievers.” [4:18]
I say: if a person repents from any sin – even if that is cursing Islam – then his repentance will be accepted if he meets the conditions mentioned here.
But it should be noted that a word may be an act of kufr (disbelief) or apostasy, but the one who says it may not become a kafir (disbeliever) thereby, if there is a factor present which means that he cannot be judged to be a kafir. Here we have a man who tells us that he cursed Islam whilst in a state of anger. We say to him: If your anger was so intense that you did not know what you were saying, and at that point you did not know if you were in heaven or on earth, and you said words without thinking or knowing what they were, then these words are not subject to any ruling, and you cannot be judged to be an apostate, because these words were not spoken intentionally. If a word is spoken unintentionally, Allah will not punish a person for it. Allah says concerning vows (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allah will not punish you for what is unintentional in your oaths, but He will punish you for your deliberate oaths.” [5:89]
If this person who spoke words of kufr in a moment of intense anger did not know what he was saying, then there is no ruling on his words, and he cannot be judged to be an apostate in this case. As he is not judged to be an apostate, his marriage to his wife is not annulled; rather she is still married to him.
But if a person feels angry he should try to counteract this anger in the ways prescribed by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) when a man asked him, “O Messenger of Allah, advise me.” He said: “Do not get angry,” and he repeated it several times, saying, “Do not get angry.” So he must exercise self-control and seek refuge with Allah from the accursed shaytan (devil). If he is standing, he should sit down; if he is sitting, he should lie down. If his anger grows too intense, he should do wudhu (ablution). All these things will take away his anger. How many people have regretted acting upon their anger, but it was too late.
And Allah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * Should he ask whether his fiancée is a virgin?

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Although it may not be respectful, is there anything wrong in asking a future wife-to-be whether she is a virgin or not?
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Praise be to Allaah.
If there is some doubt concerning a (future) wife’s chastity, then you have the right to find out, but if you do not have any doubts, there is no need for this, because it may generate hatred and enmity, and be a reason for a lack of peace of mind.
-*Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI